If Nothing Changes…

After Brittany and Fluffy left, Weedman poked his head into my cubicle. He’d relapsed over the weekend while working on a project for the Navy.

“Don’t you have filters to keep out porn?” I asked.

“I was looking for an analogy about everyone on a ship needing to pull together.  I ended up at a Pinterest board called ‘BootyBoat.’ I was sunk after that.”

“You train the military and major corporations on getting their systems to interact.  Why do you even need Pinterest? And why don’t you just filter it?”

“It’s my source for off-the-wall ideas and stories. I use it to jar my thinking,” Weedman said, staring at his shoes.  “I thought about filtering it, but I think I’m just going to be careful when I’m on it.”

I could have argued with him. I could have pointed out he wasn’t asking my advice, he was just looking for me to say he just needed to be more careful. He wanted me to co-sign his b.s. 

“If nothing changes, nothing changes,” I said, quoting an AA slogan. Weedman shrugged. I worried we would be having this same conversation again in the near future. He was unhappy he’d relapsed, but he didn’t seem ready to change.

Today I’ll remember the slogan “if nothing changes, nothing changes.”

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Take a Chance
Brittany The World’s Happiest Intern and Fluffy the pit bull met me at my cubicle on Monday morning.  “I met someone,” Brittany said with all the enthusiasm she might have had for getting a root canal.

“You don’t seem all that happy about it,” I pointed out.

“What if he cheats on me like my last boyfriend did? I could end up cold and bitter, a confirmed cat lady before I turn thirty.”

“What if he turns out to be the man of your dreams? You get married, have three kids, and one day he turns to you and says ‘let’s move out to the country where we’ll have room to adopt all the stray dogs and cats we want.’”

“Whoa, that would be nice, but if he’s another skank magnet like the last one I don’t think I could take it.”

“I’ve seen people give up drinking and decide all the fun in their lives is over. They’re miserable dry drunks who won’t try to enjoy something new. They don’t want to take a chance on bowling, or white water rafting, or even knitting, because they might not like it. Never give up on enjoying life. Take a chance.”

Today I will take a chance on enjoying life.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Wrong Again

On Saturday I couldn’t decide where to fish. A lake fifteen minutes from home had been stocked with trout two weeks earlier.  The lake was not far from Pittsburgh and heavily fished. I didn’t want to rub elbows with other fisherman in the accessible parts of the lake. It seemed likely all the trout would be gone by the time I got there.

I decided to drive thirty-five minutes to a rural stream.  When I got there, I had to walk a mile upstream to find a quiet fishing hole. I caught two sticks and snagged away a spinner. Walking back, I passed fisherman after fisherman with nothing to show for their efforts.

Later I checked a site called “Fishidy” where people post their catches and advice on where fish are biting. Several people who’d gone to the local lake had caught all the trout they were allowed to keep in half an hour. Some showed pictures, others posted recipes.  I cursed their smiling faces.

I always picks the wrong line in the grocery store.

Today I’ll accept things will not always go my way.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Family Ties

Blondie texted me back, “Love you Daddy! Nobody blames you for Brat Boy.”

Brat Boy texted, “Why state the obvious? She’s a girl. She’s Blondie. Of course I’m your favorite.”

Dr. Deb texted, “Love you!”

I was one of the lucky ones who got sober before he had his family.  I’d never once had to apologize for putting my chemical ahead of them.

Over the years I’d encountered too many people in recovery who’d burned all bridges to their families.  Some had started new families once they got clean and sober.  Others had formed families out of friendships, with ties just as permanent as family bonds.  The ones who stayed sober seemed to be those most grateful for their family ties.

Today I’ll be grateful for family ties.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Potential

A minute later I got an email with an attachment. Apparently Mike Maverick was concerned about me. He suspected I used less than 25% of my ‘kineophesic energy.’ For $350 at the door, or $300 in advance, all major credit cards accepted, the Intellecture would help me unlock my mind’s potential.

I deleted the message and put my mind to work. I wrote a gratitude list starting with, ‘not that gullible.’ Did a quick mindfulness exercise, counting my breaths and slowing my pulse. Called up three good memories from childhood, college, and the last several years. Texted Brat Boy that he was my favorite. Texted Blondie that she was my favorite. Texted Dr. Deb telling her she was never far from my thoughts.

Afterwards, I felt like a million bucks, or at least $350. 

Today I will release my mind’s potential.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Weekends and Weak Ends

 “Twelve Step slogans are just clichés,” Devin said as I passed him in the hall on the way back to my cubicle.

I shrugged, “I’ve found them useful over the years. To me, they’re a poor man’s cognitive therapy.”

He shook his head, “You need to go to the Intellecture. It’s the smartest lecture you’ll ever attend.” 

Clearly he was quoting somebody’s advertising slogan. “It’s all day Saturday. You’ll get a chance to meet Mike Maverick.”

“Think I’ll pass,” I said. “I’m going fishing this Saturday.”

Devin was appalled. “Mike says, ‘Don’t let your weekend become the weak end to your week.’ I’ll send you the flyer as an attachment.”

“Thanks,” I said.  A more honest answer might have been, ‘I would rather clean the dog park with my bare hands than go to the Intellecture.’  I had worked on one project or another every weekend for a month. If I didn’t have a little fun soon, my weekend felt like it might become a dead end.

Today I’ll make sure there’s enough fun in my life.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

I have the flu and won't be posting "Burnout Training" for several days.
Sorry,
Ken

The Best Of A Bad Situation?

As I was getting up to leave, The New Boss said, “One more thing.” 

"What would that be?” I asked.

“This part where you ask what people get out of burnout.  What’s that about?”

“Even bad situations have hidden benefits. People who are burned out, sometimes consciously, sometimes without realizing it, use their stress to their advantage. They accept sympathy. They use burnout to take the sting out of not meeting their responsibilities.”

“So they’re lazy con artists?”

“No, I’m saying burnout sucks and it has advantages.  It’s human nature to tap into the advantages of any bad situation.  Lemme give you another example. Nobody really wants to relapse. But, relapse releases the tension of struggling to stay sober.  Going back to AA after you relapse gets you all kinds of attention.  Failing to stay sober is familiar.  Relapse sucks and has advantages people need to recognize and deal with to stay sober. Until you recognize what you get out of a bad situation, you’re less likely to change it. Sometimes making the best out of a bad situation keeps you in that situation.” 

Today I won’t make the best of a bad situation.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Sober Hedonism Principle 4: Enjoy a little a lot

“Now this part I don’t understand The New Boss said. He quoted my handout. “The sober hedonist relishes eating a single hot dog.  The glutton eats too many hot dogs with relish.”

“Too much of anything isn’t good,” I answered. “Enjoy a little a lot, or you will enjoy a lot less.”

“That makes even less sense.”

“If you eat one hot dog, and relish every bite, you will enjoy it. That’s a little bit enjoyed a lot.  If you have five hot dogs and wash them down with a six pack, you’ll probably get sick and not enjoy them at all in the end. That’s enjoying a lot, a lot less.”

“I like hamburgers,” The New Boss said. I just smiled.

Today I will enjoy a little a lot.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Sober Hedonism Principle 3: Not all pleasure is physical

I told The New Boss, “Sober hedonism isn’t all about physical pleasure. A sober hedonist gets a kick out of doing the right thing, helping people, not being a drug-addicted menace to society.

“In our addictions, we’re a tremendous drain on society, no matter what our addictions. Drunk driving that puts innocent people at risk.  Ditto electronic addictions that keep us texting while we’re driving. Food addictions lead to obesity and burden the health care system. We fill the jail cells and clog the courts. The money we spend on heroin goes to our nation’s enemies.

 “So instead of being a burden sober hedonists are grateful to contribute.”

Today I will remember not all pleasure is physical.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Sober Hedonism Principle 2: Acceptance

“What about when life is hard?” The New Boss asked.  “How are you supposed to practice sober hedonism then?”

“By not making it worse,” I said. “Sober hedonists minimize pain by accepting some things are gonna suck.  I had a really good first sponsor who told me the more people you love, the more funerals you go to.  He wasn’t just talking about funerals, though.  The more you’re engaged in life, the more of life’s difficulties you encounter. Stay engaged anyway.”

Today I will accept life’s difficulties.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Sober Hedonism: Principle 1

The New Boss still looked skeptical, so I went on. “Sober hedonists practice a few principles. The first is ‘be like a camel.’  A camel in the desert doesn’t drink a little bit of water and run off looking for the next oasis.  He drinks his fill, getting the most from everywhere he stops.

“Wherever you are in life, find whatever joy you can and savor it.  Take an extra minute in the shower. Enjoy the feel of clean clothes. Savor simple pleasures. Slow down and really taste that first cup of coffee.”

 I took a sip of my coffee and added. “The sober hedonist knows at times there will be very little pleasure in his life. He enjoys what he can when can.”

Today I’ll enjoy what I can when I can.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Sober Hedonism –Not an Oxymoron

The New Boss pointed to my handout and said, “Sober hedonism sounds like a contradiction in terms. How can you be sober and hedonistic at the same time?”

I said, “Imagine you’re a kid who moves into a mansion. You discover a closet where you can play when life is good, and hide in when you’re scared or sad. It becomes your happy/hiding place.   One day your parents lock that closet. Would you explore the rest of the mansion or would you stare at the closet door?”

“I’d explore the rest of the mansion.”

“Being sad because I don’t drink is like staring into that closet, without exploring the rest of life’s mansion.  I may miss my happy/hiding place, but if I look around I’ll find things I enjoy much more. The more I enjoy the rest of life, the less I crave the things I can’t have.”

Today I will explore life’s mansion.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Rules

My phone rang. The New Boss wanted to see me in his office.

I took a seat in front of his enormous oak desk.  Picking up a framed picture of a twenty-something woman, I said to my forty-something boss, “Your daughter’s very pretty.”

He said, “That’s my wife.” After an awkward pause, he added, “I had a few concerns about the Agency Quiz.” 

He directed me to the first question in a section of the handout.

1. Staff-friendly organizations have as few rules as necessary.  Which of the following best describes your employer:

      a) My company’s rules are all absolutely necessary.

      b) We have a few rules we don’t really need.

      c) Our policy manual is over 350 pages long, and growing.

      d) I’m surprised we don’t need a hall pass to use the restroom.

I said, “I want to make them think about the rules they follow.  A lot of burnout comes from following unnecessary rules. A lot of heartache springs from ignoring necessary ones. When I present this question, I also ask them about the rules they have for themselves.”

The New Boss didn’t look happy, but he said, “OK, let’s see how it’s received.”

I made myself a new rule; never assume you know who the people in the picture might be.

Today I will look at the rules I follow, especially the ones I’ve made for myself.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Rock Climbers vs. Hikers

Brittany turned her attention back to my handout. “What are you working on now?”

I said, “A section on rock climbers and hikers.  Imagine a mountain with a sheer wall and a path spiraling around and around until it disappears in the clouds at the top. The rock climbers want to scale the face of the mountain as fast as they can.

“Hikers go around the mountain. The upward slope isn’t steep and their progress is steady. Sometimes the trail dips and they think they’re losing ground. Arriving at the same side of the mountain again and again, the view looks the same. They fear going in circles, but each time around the mountain they’ve climbed a little higher.”

Brittany thought for a moment, “So, a rock climber would be like a broke gambler trying to win back money fast, and a hiker would be somebody building a business.”

I nodded. “Some people in early recovery want a great life immediately, and when that doesn’t happen they fall off the mountain.  Others accept working for a better life a little at a time.”

“I like the analogy,” Bethany said with a smile, “but if I hit the lottery I’m buying a helicopter to fly me to the top of the mountain. My internship will be over and my lifelong beach vacation begun.”

Today I will go around and around, always upward, toward my destination.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

On Not Being an Archery Target

“I liked that Buddhist idea of the second arrow,” Brittany added. “The first arrow is the pain.  The second arrow is the pain we cause ourselves reacting to the first arrow.”

“I liked it too, the first time I read about it,” I said. “It dovetails with a lot of cognitive therapy. Change the way you think and you’ll dodge that second arrow.”

“I’m so bad about catching the second one,” Bethany said with a deep sigh. “When I caught my boyfriend cheating, I tortured myself. I was convinced nobody had ever felt pain like that. I told myself I’d never love again. I would die alone.”

“Lesson learned?” I asked.

“I’ll never do that to myself again.”

Today I will dodge that second arrow.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Take a newspaper into the bathroom

An hour later I was back in my cubicle, working on my handout. I had forwarded a copy Brittany to get insight from a younger person.  She and Fluffy stopped by my cubicle to discuss it.

“I liked it,” she said, “But there were some quotes you probably explain in live trainings that I didn’t get. Make sure people see you taking a newspaper with you into the bathroom?”

“It’s kind of gross way of saying find five minutes to yourself.  The more hectic and stressful the day, the more you need five minutes to press the re-set button.”

“What if you don’t need to go?”

I smiled. “The bathroom is just an example. Find the five minutes any way you can.”

If today is hectic, I will find five minutes to push the re-set button.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/