Wednesday, November 30, 2016

90. The Awareness of a Need to Change
The next day I had a long talk with Roy.  He’d had a long talk with his wife about their marriage.  He seemed baffled.

“So Ken,” he said, scanning my face for an answer to a question he had trouble forming, “She seemed …I don’t know, maybe the best word is relieved.  Told me she wasn’t unhappy, but not happy either.  She thought we’d set our standards too low.  We didn’t want enough out of our lives, out of our marriage. That has to change.”

I said, “When you first got here all you wanted was to get out of legal trouble so you could go back to drinking.”

“I know, but I’ve been thinking about the Serenity Prayer.  Maybe I’m accepting things I CAN change out of habit.  Maybe before I apply courage or wisdom, I have to notice something needs to be changed.”

Today I’ll revisit the Serenity Prayer.  Are there things I can change?


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Tuesday, November 29, 2016

89. Shocking
The next day I heard the group talking about the impact of Felix's death.

“Felix died so young,” Roy said.  “Made think about where I am in my life.”   He let out a long sigh. “I’m leaving my wife.  I don’t want to be like my father, thinking love and sex were part of marriage you shed with your youth.”

“Felix hooked up with the wrong woman,” Howard said. “I had found the right one and pushed her away.  I bought her a new engagement ring this morning. If you’re gonna start over, you might as well do it right."

Anne, who’d been shocked by her pregnancy, said, “We’ve been Tasered. We’ve gotten nonfatal shocks that kept us from doing something stupid.  We’ve been defibrillated.  We were dead, we didn’t know it, and now we’re alive.  As much as they hurt, the shocks did us good.”

Margaret wiped a tear away.  “I can’t believe how painful the shocks have been.  Can’t believe I’ve stayed clean.  But here I am, and I’m gonna try to see life’s shocks as a blessing.”


Today I will try to accept life’s shocks.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.




Monday, November 28, 2016

88. Today’s Best
At the gym, I sat at a stationary bike with a monitor. I picked a computer generated course that showed three bikes – a pacer, my current ride, and a ‘ghost’ bike running my fastest time from previous rides.  The course rambled over ten miles of hilly terrain.  I stayed with the ghost for half the course, but at five miles I began falling behind

I finished way behind the ghost.  My legs ached and my lungs and throat burned.  I thought I might be getting sick. 

“Hey, at least I finished,” I said out loud, even though nobody was close enough to hear me. “That’s about the best I can do today.”  ‘I’ll have to be happy with that’, I thought.

Today I’ll be happy doing the best I can do today.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Sunday, November 27, 2016

87. Me Time
After I finished hanging pictures I packed my gym bag.  Brat Boy asked, “Why don’t you skip your workout today? It’s getting late.”

I said, “My workout keeps me from playing the martyr, or resenting the people I love.  I put family first, I do my best at work, but I set aside a little something for me.  People who don’t, or can’t, end up bitter, burned out.”

 “Wait, this is you not burned out and bitter?” Brat Boy said, smirking.

“I could skip the gym and we could clean the garage. That’d be a good workout.”

“Go to the gym, Dad.  You’ve earned it.”

Today I will set aside some selfish time.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving!
Life on Life’s Terms will return on Monday, November 28th.  In the meantime, let me suggest the following gratitude exercise from Changing Addictive Thinking.  (If you’d like a copy of Changing Addictive Thinking please contact me at kmontrose@greenbriar.net)

Draw a stick figure holding a flag.  Near the top of the head, list three favorite memories, being grateful you have the memory to do so.  Many people with dementia, other brain diseases, or head trauma cannot.

If you have been blessed with sight, list your three favorites.  Likewise, if you can hear, list your three favorite sounds next to the stick figure’s ears.  By the figure’s nose, list three favorite smells.

If you had to order three things for your last meal, what would they be? List them next to the figure’s mouth. 

Despite our efforts to poison our bodies with poor diets, and alcohol and other drugs, many of our organs still work.  List why you’re grateful for each organ.  For example: “My lungs still work and I can draw a deep breath.  My stomach still works, so I can enjoy my meals.  My liver still works, so I don’t have to be on dialysis.”

List the activities that you can still enjoy, or you might someday try.  Don’t limit yourself to the practical or commonplace.   

Now, look at the stick figure.  Savor the things you have listed.


In the flag, write a list of things you have to accept.  This is your surrender flag.  Be grateful you are able to accept and move on. 

Monday, November 21, 2016

86. It’s Not You, It’s Me
When I got home, my wife asked me to hang some Christmas decorations.  I went to my workbench to get a hammer and a torpedo level.  The level was missing. 

“Brat Boy,” I muttered to myself.  How many times had I asked him to put tools back where he got them?  What was so hard about putting the level back on the pegboard? When was he going to learn responsibility?

I reached for the hammer.  The level was behind it, on a hook where it didn’t belong.  I’d put it there when I was in a hurry to clear my workbench.   

I remembered my father pushing a lawnmower.  A horrible clang had told me he’d found the wrench I’d left in the yard.  Brat Boy was way more responsible than I’d been at his age.

Today I won’t blame you until I know it’s not me.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Sunday, November 20, 2016

85. Negative Motivation
Howard took me aside later and said, “That pill stealing nurse walked hand-in-hand with Felix to the grave.  Now she’s crawled out.  He’s dead.  I’m angry, but she only put two lives in danger.   I’ll never know how many people I’ve put at risk driving drunk.  The guilt is getting to me. ”

I said, “Too many people avoid feeling guilty by finding someone to blame.  I’m betting you’ll use guilt as a motivator. I know you’ve used pain and remorse that way.”

Today I’ll use negative emotions as a motivator.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Thursday, November 17, 2016

84. Tempting Fate
Howard got a text from Margaret.  She had gotten the story wrong.  Felix was dead, but his girlfriend had pulled through. 

Anne exploded when she heard the news.  She complained about the unfairness, how Felix was a good guy.  He should have been the one to survive.  

Howard surprised everyone when he said, “If a good person and an evil person make poor choices they become equal in the eyes of Fate.  We can’t blame God or the universe, or cry about the unfairness of it all, when things go bad for the good person.”

Roy muttered something about Howard being a cowboy philosopher.  Anne sobbed.  My heart ached a little less thinking Felix’s death was neither fair nor unfair.

Today I’ll remember being good doesn’t help the person making poor choices.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

83. Are You Here With Anyone?
I went to lunch and when I came back Margaret was gone, and Anne was crying on Howard’s shoulder.
The nurse Felix had been seeing was diverting pain medications from patients.  They overdosed together.

“He shoulda stopped seeing her the moment he found out she was stealing drugs,” Roy said. “She didn’t make him OD, but he never would’ve done it on his own.”

Today I will remember who I’m with shapes what I do.    

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

82. Hater’s High
“Did you ever talk to your baby’s father?” I asked.
“I did, the bastard!” Anne said.  “I was so geared up to hate him, but he only cheated on his wife because she cheated on him.  They’re working it out in therapy.  He wants to be involved in his daughter’s life.”
“Once again, I don’t understand your logic.  It sounds like he’s making the best of a bad situation.”
“When I thought he was a lying dog, I was so full of righteous anger.  I had the moral high ground.  Polishing my resentment changed my mood, gave me energy, and killed my appetite.  I’d say haters’ high is just as powerful as runners’ high.  Now I kinda feel bad for him.  I liked my rage much better than the pity I feel now.”

Today I will beware of hater’s high.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Monday, November 14, 2016

81. Does That Make Sense?
The next day Anne looked worried when I passed her in the hall.  I asked her if everything was OK.

“I’m having the best pregnancy,” she said.  “I’m done with the morning sickness already.  My appetite is great.  The doc is thrilled with me.”

“I don’t get it,” I said. “What’s there to worry about?”

“The happier my pregnancy, the more fussy my baby will be.  That’s how the universe works.”

At first I thought she was kidding.  I tried to show her how irrational she was being. The longer we talked, the more convinced she became the first nine months of her daughter’s life would be miserable.

I quit arguing.  She said she knew I’d see her point eventually.  I made up my mind not to torture myself with irrational fears and beliefs.  (I decided thinking my laptop was out to get me was completely rational no matter what Jason The IT Guru said.)

Today I will try to be as rational as I can.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Sunday, November 13, 2016

80. An Open Mind
“You!” a familiar voice said. “You sneaky old man!”

I turned to see Roy walking toward us, spilling coffee, and cursing. I asked him what was up.

“He brought RuhRoh to my house.  My daughter fell in love. She knows how sick Street Sign is, so she volunteered to take the dog.”

Street Sign smiled a wicked smile.  “Roy, you decided you didn’t want a dog long before you met me or RuhRoh.  Open your mind just a little.  You’ll see you can’t pass up a chance to grant a dying man his last wish and make your daughter happy.”

Roy sat down and RuhRoh put his head on Roy’s leg.  “I give up,” Roy said, scratching the dog’s ears.   

Today I will open my mind to doing the right thing.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Thursday, November 10, 2016

79. Today
Street Sign shuffled in, holding onto a wheeled oxygen bottle with one hand, and RuhRoh’s leash with the other.  Cancer hadn’t beat him, but it had slowed him down.  I got him a cup of coffee.
“He knows,” Street Sign said, scratching RuhRoh’s ear.  “He’ll sniff my midsection and whine.”

RuhRoh put his head on my knee.  I scratched his ear and under his chin.  A look of pure happiness spread across his broad face.  Street Sign sipped his coffee and said, “Now that’s a good cup.  Who made it?” He took another sip. His expression matched his dog's.

As we drank our coffees I couldn’t help but admire how he insisted on enjoying the day.


I will try to enjoy today no matter what.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Wednesday, November 9, 2016

78. Am I Right or am I right?
Sarah sat down next to me at the AA meeting the next evening.  She asked me if I thought she enabled her son to keep drinking.
“You pay his court costs, car insurance, and car payments,” I said.  “He’s forty something.  Time for him to take responsibility for his own actions. So yes, I think you enable.”
“You don’t understand,” she said.  “You don’t know him.”
I pointed out that I did know him, and had tried several times to get him into treatment.  Again she said I didn’t know him, that I didn’t understand him.  We were in familiar territory.  Sarah wasn’t really looking for my advice. She only wanted me to agree she was doing the right thing.  She shuffled away to ask someone else.
Today I won’t ask for advice when I’m really just looking for agreement.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Tuesday, November 8, 2016

77. The Company We Keep
Deb, my wife, was sitting on the couch, working on her laptop, when I got home.  I smiled as I sat down next to her.   She set her computer on the coffee table leaned into me.  We talked about our days.  

When I was dating, my father often asked me if my girlfriends were ‘good company’.  I usually gave him some smart aleck answer, something like “When she’s not smoking crack.” Over the years I learned he meant so much more by ‘good company’ than enjoying being around someone.   His favorite someone  was my mother.  For him ‘good company’ meant looking forward to doing something ordinary with her, the joy at seeing her, and the ease and contentment he found in her company. 

In time I learned ‘good company’ wasn’t limited to romantic relationships.

“Wanna watch a movie?” I asked Deb, thinking she was good company.

“Sounds great,” she said.

Today I will be grateful for good company.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Monday, November 7, 2016

76. You Got Pierced Where?

“Did you notice you said, ‘my Felix’?” I asked Joel, Margaret’s husband.

“I know,” Joel said.  “I surprised myself.  All that ink and those piercings? When I first met Felix I thought he looked like an abstract painting defaced by a hole punch.  I was fairly certain I wasn’t going to like him.  Now he’s not just Margaret’s friend, he’s my friend.  It’s like they say, don’t judge a book by its cover.”

“I heard he stayed at the hospital the whole time Margaret was having her surgery.”

Joel chuckled.  “He did.  I’m sure his heart was in the right place, but his eyes were on a certain nurse.”


Today I won’t judge a book by its cover.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Sunday, November 6, 2016

75. Trying to Understand
Margaret’s husband came to family day the next week. Standing perfectly straight, he wore a golf shirt with crisp creases in the short sleeves, pressed khakis, and immaculately clean sneakers.

He said, “When I was in the Navy I was running a fire fighting drill. A young sailor lost control of the hose.  The nozzle whipped around like a snake and bit me in the leg, snapping my femur. I was on painkillers for a month. Then I stopped taking them.”   

“I’m not sure I get your point,” I said.

“My wife has been in chronic pain.  I understand why she struggles with painkillers.  I’m trying to understand why my Felix has struggled.  He’s a smart kid.  He’s done some things with his life.  Why can’t he just stop?”

He shook his head, and I could see the frustration and concern on his face.

“Patience," I said. "It's always hard to understand a problem you haven't had.  I bet Felix appreciates you trying to understand."

Today I will be grateful for people who try to understand.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Thursday, November 3, 2016

74. We’re All Out Of Grateful
Two days later I felt well enough to go to work. Every time I got out of my desk chair, a muscle spasm stabbed me in the back. 

“I should be grateful,” I said to myself. “A lot of people suffer way more than I do. Street Sign is dying of cancer and not complaining.”  I made a list of people whose lives seemed tougher than mine.  I shoulded on myself a little more.  I should buck up. I should be glad I have a job.  I should accept I got what I deserved for not doing what I was supposed to.

Most days I could be very grateful.  I had learned to accept what I had to accept, let go when I could, and find the positive in negative situations. Most days, but not that day.  The best I could do was be grateful I’d likely be more grateful the next day.

Today I’ll be as grateful as I can manage.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.