Showing posts with label life on life's terms III. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life on life's terms III. Show all posts

Sunday, June 4, 2017

48. Show Not Tell
When I got home that night I flopped into my chair and put my feet up.  Ten minutes later my wife walked downstairs, purse in hand.  She turned into the living room, and stopped in front of the dog.
“Who’s the best dog ever?” she asked the crock of Shih Tzu lying on the back of the couch.  Scratching the dog’s ears, she said. “It’s you! Love my little puppy, yes I do!” She kissed the dog, scratched her ears some more, and kissed her again. “I’ll be back in an hour,” she said to me.
Blondie came down the stairs a minute later. “Wait up, Mom!” she said.  She stopped to say goodbye to the dog. Blondie questioned the animal at length. “Who’s the prettiest dog? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the most loved?” She kissed the dog, and said, “Love my doggy!” She walked down the hall to the basement door.  I heard her from the basement stairs say, “See you Daddy.”
If they hadn’t told me a hundred times, and showed me in a thousand ways, how much they loved me, I might have been annoyed.  Instead I called the dog over.  She curled up in my lap.  “You’re not that cute,” I said as I scratched her back.
Because I might forget to say it, today I will show people how much I love them.
Time for a Change ©2017 by Ken Montrose
Time for a Change is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com

Thursday, December 15, 2016

101. Heart Dancing
A few days later, I ran into Margaret’s husband Joel in a grocery story.  He told me about Howard’s wedding.   “Margaret danced all night.  No cane, no wincing, no booze and painkillers.”  A wicked smile crossed his face.  “She got to dancing with a group of younger gals.”  He seemed to search for a word.  “Dancing more, suggestive, than she might have at a Navy ball. Howard’s dipstick brother got high, and cut himself a piece of wedding cake before dinner was served.  Their mother, who’s got to be 80, dumped coffee in his brother’s lap.”

“You mean spilled it?” I asked.

“No sir.  She walked over to him, steaming cup in hand, looked him right in the eye, and poured it onto his crotch.  Everybody but the dipstick laughed their butts off.  Roy brought RuhRoh as his date.  Kinda sad that he and his wife couldn’t make it work, but they’re better friends than they were before he got sober.

“There was a dog at a wedding reception?”

“Ruhroh wore a bow tie. People scratched his ears and rubbed his belly all afternoon.  The caterer made him a special plate. For a dog from death row, his life has really turned around.”  He smiled and added, “The main thing is Margaret danced without pain, Ken.  Can’t remember anything that made me happier. My heart danced with her.”

Today I will be grateful for anything or anyone who makes my heart dance.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Wednesday, December 14, 2016

100. Doing What I can

When Street Sign died, I visited the animal shelter by his house to make a donation.  The vet told me story after story about Street Sign.

Because of his health problems, Street Sign couldn’t walk the dogs.  He’d sit in a small room, in a comfortable chair, an older dog or cat resting its head in his lap, sometimes for hours. 

“He’d show up at noon and stay until we closed,” the vet said.  “We’d hear him telling the animals about his life, how much he had loved both his wives, how he loved his kids. It was sweet, the way he talked to the animals like they were old friends.   He donated money.  We tried to give him an award once, but he refused.  Whenever I thanked him, he’d shrug and say ‘I do what I can.’”  She thought for a moment. “That sums him up.  He wasn’t waiting to make some grand gesture.  He  couldn’t do as much as he wanted to, so he did what he could. I wish everybody did.”


Today I’ll do what I can.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Tuesday, December 13, 2016

99. An Ode to the Grilled Cheese Sandwich
The menu read Four cheeses on brioche bread served with imported sea salt brine pickles.  ‘That’s like putting a fancy spoiler on a Ford Focus, I thought.  They don’t get grilled cheese.  Fancy contradicts the raison d'etre of the sandwich and the car: basic food, basic transportation  And the thought of a goat-camembert-gouda-brie sandwich leads to using pretentious phrases like ‘raison d'etre’ instead of ‘main purpose.’

Chefs don’t make grilled cheese sandwiches, except at home, when everyone’s asleep. Cooks make grilled cheese.  Older sisters make grilled cheese, and because they do, you forgive them for hogging the bathroom, getting the biggest bedroom, and picking a chick flick for family movie night. You may even be grateful for them.

Fathers make grilled cheese, flipping it onto your plate from three feet above your head and smiling as you dodge the molten cheese droplets flying off the edges. You and your siblings laugh as your mother pretends to be annoyed.  Cheese can bind a family together.

Mothers make grilled cheese better than anyone.  They just do.

If you’ve grown up on grilled cheese, you smile when make it, savoring the memories.

Good cooks serve grilled cheese right from the pan.  They never makea stack of sandwiches, sitting on a plate while the cheese congeals.  The cook makes them two or three at a time, asking ‘can you eat another?’  A real grilled cheese cook eats last. That’s how you know they love you.

Tomatoes? Yes but only late in the summer when they come from somebody’s garden, in a shopping bag left on your porch next to another one containing 40 lbs. of zucchini.  (The vegetables remind you there’s still good neighbors.)  In the winter, grilled cheese is eaten with tomato soup, preferably Campbell’s.  

Ham?  Sliced ham and cheese is an entirely different meal.  If you’re going to use chipped ham, better to make a frizzle burger - another sandwich to be grateful for.

Why the long post? Because today I will  take time to dwell on simple pleasures.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Monday, December 12, 2016

98. On Admiration
“So,” I joked, “You went with ‘Felicia’ in honor of Felix, instead of ‘Kenni’ in honor of The Other Ken and me.”

A sound that seemed half laugh, half sigh escaped her.  She said, “Felix stole pills. He broke Margaret’s heart.  Hell, he broke my heart, but he had a lot of good qualities.  Had he survived the OD, I still would have named her Felicia.  I just wouldn’t let him near her until he had some clean time.  A lot of clean time.”

“I hear you,” I said. “You can admire the quality if not the person.”

“I did admire him.   Admired his kindness.  Loved his enthusiasm.  Loved his sense of humor.  Admired his intelligence.    I stopped admiring him when I realized he always put himself first.  Great qualities, but a selfish person."

Today I will look for qualities I admire, even in people I don’t.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Sunday, December 11, 2016

97. Grown-Ups

Several months later Anne stopped by my office.  She’d delivered a beautiful baby girl she’d named Felicia.

She said, “I want to get together with my baby’s father and his wife.  They want to too. Could you recommend a family therapist?   A neutral person to help the three of us stay on track?  Felicia’s interests come first, but we’re people, you know?  He’s mad at her, she’s mad at him, I’m mad at him, she’s mad at me.  We want someone to help us get past that and do what’s right.”

To my surprise, I choked up a little.  Working in human services over the years, I had met a lot of people who would do anything to help their children.  Sadly, I had seen so many people put their drug, the bottle, revenge, control, and their own lifestyle ahead of the interests of their kids.  It was gratifying to see the adults in Felicia’s life were trying to act like adults.

“I’ll get some names for you,” I said.

Today I will be grateful for adults who act like adults.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose


Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Thursday, December 8, 2016

96.  I Don’t Know
When I got home, Brat Boy was lying on the couch, reading his History book.  He asked me about the meeting.

I said, “There’s a guy who only comes to meetings when he’s in legal trouble.  You can’t tell him anything because he’s convinced he knows everything. He doesn’t know he’s an alcoholic, even after all his DUIs, public drunkenness charges, bar fights, and God knows what else.  You can’t help him because he doesn’t know how much he doesn’t know.”

“Well if anyone would know about not knowing, it would be you, Dad.”

I laughed. “Kid, knowing how much I don’t know motivates me to learn. It’s a blessing.”

Today I will be grateful for knowing what I don’t know.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose


Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Wednesday, December 7, 2016

95. Drone On
As Mason, Sarah’s son, walked away, I noticed a poster on the wall:

“AA works for people who believe in God.
AA works for people who don't believe in God.
AA NEVER works for people who believe they ARE God.”

I pointed to it and said to Roy, “There’s the difference between you and Mason.  Sarah tells Mason he’s the best.  She tells him constantly he’s a great man like his father.  He sees himself as a young god. Every time Mason fails, Sarah finds someone to blame.   

“And me?”  Roy asked.

“Your self-esteem isn’t built on words and DNA. It’s built on what you’ve accomplished and what you’ve been through.  You don’t see yourself as a god.  You see yourself as a hardworking survivor.  When life sucks, you may get angry, you may even blame someone, but you get to work. You get through it.”

Roy smiled and said, “So I’m a survivor drone? Not very exciting.”

“Better a drone than a false god.”   

Today I will be a proud drone.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose


Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

94. I’d Rather Be Me
I hit an AA meeting on my way home.  Roy was there with RuhRoh.

“Where’s Street Sign?” I asked. 

“He couldn’t make it,” Roy said.  “He asked me to take RuhRoh in his place.”  The dog’s tail wagged at the mention of his own name. 

Just then Sarah’s son walked in, court slip in hand.  I watched as he poured himself coffee, spilling a little, not wiping it up.  He walked past several people without so much as a wave. 

“I need my slip signed for the judge,” he said to me. 

“I guessed as much,” I said, knowing he wouldn’t be at an AA meeting unless he was in legal trouble. I pointed to the woman chairing the meeting.  He walked away, stepping around RuhRoh. I saw him interrupt the chairwoman’s conversation, handing her his slip.

Roy said, “What a jackass!” He shook his head and looked me in the eye.  “I was that guy a couple of months ago, wasn’t I?”  I nodded.  “Glad I’m not him anymore.”

Today I’ll make a list of people I’m grateful I’m not.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose


Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Monday, December 5, 2016

93. Good, Better, Best?
That night I went to the gym.  My favorite machine had a stack of 20 lb. weights and a dial that added resistance five pounds at a time.  

I put the pin in the stack for what I thought was the most I could lift eight times.  Someone had added ten pounds of resistance with the dial.  I didn’t notice.  I strained to get the last repetition, thinking I was having an off day. 

When I saw I’d lifted more than I thought I could, I wondered how many other ways I’d accepted as my best less than I could actually do.

Today I won't limit myself to my ‘best.’


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


A little different take on Christmas....

Urine Cups
Sung to the tune of "Silver Bells"

Urine Cups, Fill ‘em Up!
It's Christmas time in the rehab.
Tink-a-ling, sprink-a-ling
Spilling pee on Christmas Day

Suburban dwellers
High in cellars
Haven’t worked in a while
They’ve been smoking
All day toking

Urine Cups, Fill ‘em Up!
It's Christmas time in the rehab.
Tink-a-ling, staggering,
Soon it will be Christmas Day.


Loudly laughing
Gas passing
Not making intake staff smile
And in every
Ole rehab they’ll fill

Plastic Cups, Urine Cups!
It's Christmas time in the rehab
Tink-a-ling, denying
Soon it will be Christmas Day

In the city
Feeling giddy
Red lights look yellow or green
A soccer mom rushes home
With her treasures

Hear the car crunch
She drank her lunch,
Mom causes a big scene
And after she’s busted she’ll fill

Sample Cups, Urine Cups
It's Christmas time in the rehab
Tink-a-ling, complaining
Soon it will be Christmas Day

  
Filling Cups, Urine Cups
It's Christmas time in the rehab
Tink-a-ling, vomiting,
Soon it will be Christmas Day

Soon it will be Christmas Day
I work on Christmas Day
Lord how I hate Christmas Day
Gonna  quit on Christmas Day!


© 2016 by Ken Montrose

Sunday, December 4, 2016

92. Calm Before The Calm
I got to work two hours early.  Howard was waiting on the front steps.  I asked him why.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said.  “No storm.”

I thought he meant the weather.  “You only sleep in thunderstorms?” I asked. “You must be exhausted.”

He gave me the eye roll I deserved. “My ex stayed with me a couple of days.  Calm the whole time.  No storm.” 

“That’s great.  What was different?”

“I was sober.  When I drink I call down the thunder.  I tell her she’s just like her crazy mother.  I say she should lose a few, or any man could do her job better than she does.  What’s different? Instead of picking a fight this morning I got up and made her breakfast.  I liked the calm, but I’m still not used to it.”

Today I’ll be grateful for the calm.  I’ll try not to create a storm.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Thursday, December 1, 2016

91. Positively Progressive
“I loved Felix like a brother,” Anne said out of the blue. “Margaret loved him like a son.  He and Howard and Roy shared that strange trash talking bonding bullshit you men call ‘friendship’ going.”

“OK,” I said, not sure what her point was.

“Nobody relapsed! Felix died but and nobody used his death as an excuse.  Not so far, anyway.”

“You’re all tougher than you thought.  You’ve gotten healthier than you realized.  Your recovery progressed without you realizing it.”

“Who knew recovery was progressive, like addiction but in the opposite direction?”

I was pretty sure The Other Ken had covered that in group, but I let it go.  “Who knew.”

Today I will be grateful for things positively progressive.


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Wednesday, November 30, 2016

90. The Awareness of a Need to Change
The next day I had a long talk with Roy.  He’d had a long talk with his wife about their marriage.  He seemed baffled.

“So Ken,” he said, scanning my face for an answer to a question he had trouble forming, “She seemed …I don’t know, maybe the best word is relieved.  Told me she wasn’t unhappy, but not happy either.  She thought we’d set our standards too low.  We didn’t want enough out of our lives, out of our marriage. That has to change.”

I said, “When you first got here all you wanted was to get out of legal trouble so you could go back to drinking.”

“I know, but I’ve been thinking about the Serenity Prayer.  Maybe I’m accepting things I CAN change out of habit.  Maybe before I apply courage or wisdom, I have to notice something needs to be changed.”

Today I’ll revisit the Serenity Prayer.  Are there things I can change?


Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.


Tuesday, November 29, 2016

89. Shocking
The next day I heard the group talking about the impact of Felix's death.

“Felix died so young,” Roy said.  “Made think about where I am in my life.”   He let out a long sigh. “I’m leaving my wife.  I don’t want to be like my father, thinking love and sex were part of marriage you shed with your youth.”

“Felix hooked up with the wrong woman,” Howard said. “I had found the right one and pushed her away.  I bought her a new engagement ring this morning. If you’re gonna start over, you might as well do it right."

Anne, who’d been shocked by her pregnancy, said, “We’ve been Tasered. We’ve gotten nonfatal shocks that kept us from doing something stupid.  We’ve been defibrillated.  We were dead, we didn’t know it, and now we’re alive.  As much as they hurt, the shocks did us good.”

Margaret wiped a tear away.  “I can’t believe how painful the shocks have been.  Can’t believe I’ve stayed clean.  But here I am, and I’m gonna try to see life’s shocks as a blessing.”


Today I will try to accept life’s shocks.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.




Monday, November 28, 2016

88. Today’s Best
At the gym, I sat at a stationary bike with a monitor. I picked a computer generated course that showed three bikes – a pacer, my current ride, and a ‘ghost’ bike running my fastest time from previous rides.  The course rambled over ten miles of hilly terrain.  I stayed with the ghost for half the course, but at five miles I began falling behind

I finished way behind the ghost.  My legs ached and my lungs and throat burned.  I thought I might be getting sick. 

“Hey, at least I finished,” I said out loud, even though nobody was close enough to hear me. “That’s about the best I can do today.”  ‘I’ll have to be happy with that’, I thought.

Today I’ll be happy doing the best I can do today.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.