Fawlty Showers

California Sober

Later that day Dana asked me what I thought of “California sober,’ somebody who’s been addicted limiting themselves to alcohol and weed.

“Some would say it’s harm reduction,” I said, “but calling it any kind of sober seems like a stretch. It’s like saying you’re ‘Las Vegas faithful’ because you only cheat with hookers, not anyone she might know.”

 Dana snorted. “It’s like calling death ‘underground living.’”

“Sitting on your couch, eating junk while watching a workout video, is ‘second hand exercising.’”

“Shoplifting isn’t theft. It’s ‘retail redistribution.’”

“You can convince yourself of anything if you twist the words enough,” I said. “I’m just glad I’m ‘sober sober.’

 

Today I’ll be careful how I twist my words.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Turnaround

Randy walked by, looked at Katy, and said, “Go home. I’ll cover the phones. Don’t worry about having no sick time, I’ll fix your timesheet.” Katy couldn’t have been more relieved.

Dana had grown up with Randy. She had told me several stories of how Randy had used his family’s money to get away with treating people badly.  The arrogant teen had turned his life around, becoming a thoughtful, kind man.

I thought of other people whose turnarounds had inspired me, including two ministers who had been drug dealers, a corrupt businessman who now spent his time raising money for foodbanks and homeless shelters, and a doctor who’d been kicked out of college and the military in his teens and twenties.

They had set a good example, and early in  my recovery made my struggle to change seem doable.

Today I’ll be grateful for people who’ve turned their lives around.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers 

Could Be Worse

Katy was back at her desk the next day, a little paler, a little thinner than she had been a week earlier.

“You really had it bad,” I said. 

Katy said, “I was in the ER three days ago. You didn’t get that bad?”

“I got sick, maybe a little disoriented, but I was out of bed in a couple of days.”

“Be grateful, it could have been a lot worse.”

I was grateful. This was one of many times in my life when things could have been a lot worse.

Today I’ll be grateful for times it could have been worse.

 

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Seriously, Though

I was feeling slightly superior after Dana left. In the afternoon I turned down an offer to be on an agency’s Board of Directors.  Someone wrote a really nice review of my novel.

To quote Steve Martin, later that night I was feeling like ‘the all-knowing master of time, space, and dimension.’ I went to the kitchen to get a snack.

As I stared into the refrigerator, our little cleaning bot advanced, its single red demon eye staring at me. I backed up. It advanced further. I stepped on the back of my flip flop retreating from it.

I fell backwards nearly hitting my head on the doorway.  As the pain shot up my backside, I started to laugh.

“Clearly I’m not the master of comfortable footwear,” I said to the dog.  “I think the Universe is telling me to be proud of what I’ve accomplished, but not to take myself too seriously.”

Today I’ll be proud without taking myself too seriously.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

One is Too Many…

Dana stepped into my office and said, “I ate a bag of jelly beans.”

“Congratulations,” I said. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I’m punishing myself for eating the whole bag.  I know you’ll feel slightly superior because you stuck to your vow to give up sweets for Lent.”

“Why did you eat the first one?”

“I wanted to see if they were stale.  After I had one, I had to have another. And another.”

“One is too many, and a thousand is never enough,” I said quoting the AA slogan.

“It’s the engine not the caboose that kills you,” Dana answered. She sighed. “Do you feel slightly superior?”

I laughed. “Just slightly?”  Dana laughed and threw a box of tissues at me.

 

Today I’ll remember the slogan ‘one is too many, a thousand is never enough.’

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Reverse Paranoia

M.A. scurried out of my top drawer and down the back of my desk. He rested his head on Cuddles’ back, his eyes turned toward the door. I got the feeling the ferret was watching out for the cat.

“It’s like reverse paranoia,” I said to my laptop, “that reassuring feeling somebody is watching you and watching out for you.”

I made a list of people watching out for me, starting with my family, my neighbors, and extending to the police, firemen, hospitals, etc. 

I laughed thinking about how my children now watched out for me. Blondie wanted to know that when I rode my bike I wore my helmet, took my phone, and was careful crossing roads.  Brat Boy acted as my back up memory – “Last time you ordered that you hated it, don’t you remember?”

I decided to let people in my life know I was watching out for them too.

 

Today I’ll savor reverse paranoia.  I’ll let someone know I’m watching out for them.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Wise Cat

Cuddles and I exchanged a look that said ‘I’m as angry as you are.’ Then he hunched his shoulders, turned his face to the window, and purred.

I got out the laser pointer and he chased the red dot.  When I put it away, he curled up in sun beam on the floor and went to sleep purring.

“If he was human I’d say he acknowledged he was angry, shrugged, smiled, and moved on,” I said to my laptop.  “Wise cat.”

 

Today I will shrug, smile, and move on.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

www.greenbriartraining.com 

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

 Fawlty Showers

Ugly Enough

When I got back to my office the phone rang. The County Evaluator called Randy to see if we had gotten rid of the animals.

Cuddles the cat sat on my window ledge, watching the birds and purring. M.A. scurried across my office, happily chattering as he carried Gummi Bears from one stash to another.

Apparently the Evaluator’s relationship with Randy had ended ugly. The idea of losing Cuddles and M.A. seemed even uglier.

I pondered how I should respond. ‘May you die from a thousand paper cuts, alone reviewing medical charts, in the rat-infested basement of a condemned facility. May the rats carry your body outside to be devoured by vultures, may your final resting place be vulture droppings splattered on a litter strewn hillside.’

“I’ll leave Randy a message,” I said. “Have a nice day.”  I’d decided there was enough ugliness in the world. I was angry, but I wouldn’t add more.

 

Today I won’t contribute to the ugly.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Runny Eggs/Greasy Bacon

“I feel empty inside,” Marti said as I walked into the group room.

“Well, you’ve just ended a close relationship with a chemical you once loved,” I said.  “You’re bound to feel empty.”

Marti laughed. “No, I’ve been sick. I haven’t eaten in two days. I feel really empty, but I’m not sure what to eat.”

“How about half a dozen runny eggs and a mound of greasy bacon?”

Marti looked like she was about to be sick again.

I said, “When you’re empty inside, it pays to fill up slowly, starting with something healthy.” I wasn’t talking just about food.

“Like toast and tea?”

“Like making some new friends or getting your finances in order before you move in with the guy you met in detox, before you  borrow a ton of money to start your own IT company.”

Marti said, “If I rush to fill my life, I might get sick all over again.”

 

Today I won’t rush to fill any emptiness I might feel.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

Quit the Quit

When I got to work on Monday I went to the dorms to see how everyone was feeling.

Someone had drawn a large poster of a coat of arms.  Interlocking toilet seats made to look like the Olympic rings filled the center of a shield. In the bottom corners, outside the shield, the artist had drawn a man sitting on a commode in one corner, a woman throwing up in a sink in the other.

The poster read ‘Brotherhood of the Bowl: March 14^th -17^th, 2025.’  Across the bottom someone had scrawled ‘May God have mercy on our bowls.’ Someone else had added an ‘e’ to bowls to make it ‘bowels’.

Apparently it had been a rough weekend at the rehab.  And yet, nobody had signed out of treatment.  They hadn’t stopped trying to stop using, they hadn’t quit the quit.

I thought of other people who hadn’t quit the quit. People who didn’t go back to the ex because they were lonely. People in OA who didn’t eat junk because they were sad. People who didn’t go back to dealing because they were broke.  I felt inspired.

Today I won’t quit the quit.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Rest

“Where are you’re going?” Dr. Deb asked as I stepped out of the shower.

“I know what you’re going to say,” I said. “It’s too soon to go back to work.  I’m like the guy new to recovery who goes to the party when he’s still craving alcohol.  I’m like whatshername who dated the bailiff she met in divorce court.”

Dr. Deb looked puzzled.

I was on a roll, “You’re gonna say any time you overcome something – emotionally, physically, spiritually – you should take  time to rest.  Maybe you’re right, but I’m a man, and there’s work to do.”

I puffed out my chest and added, “What do you have to say to that?”

 “It’s Saturday,” Dr. Deb said.

 

Today I may need to rest.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Let It Go

Two days later I got out of bed and stepped onto a scale. I’d lost six pounds.  It hadn’t been pleasant but my body had rid itself of something unhealthy.

I’d given up sweets for Lent. I wondered if there was anything else unhealthy I needed to get rid of.  The little voice in my head said, ‘How about the fourth, fifth, and sixth cups of coffee?’

“Well, clearly that voice has got to go,” I said to the scale.  I decided to cut back on my TV time as well.

 

Today I’ll get rid of something unhealthy.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Muddle

When I wasn’t shivering I was sweating. My head pounded. I felt dizzy when I stood up.  I had things I wanted to accomplish, but the best I could do was muddle through until the next day, knowing I was one day closer to feeling healthy again.

I thought of people who’d lost someone. At first their lives seemed unmanageable. The heart may not be the largest organ, but when broken, it is certainly the heaviest. Sometimes the best they can do is muddle through, dragging a broken heart around, hoping they are one day closer to acceptance.  

Some people struggle mightily the first days without drugs. While their brain chemistry is trying to right itself, they experience mood swings, insomnia, anxiety, and intense cravings. The best they can do is muddle through until the next day, knowing you’re one day closer to recovery.

 

Today I may have to muddle through until tomorrow.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Near Miss

I  was sick enough that I should have had somebody drive me home. I nearly passed out as I pulled into the driveway.

“There’s two kinds of near misses,” I said to the cat when I was safely in bed.

“The delusional near miss where at first you’re relieved you’re OK. Two weeks later you start thinking you’ll never get hurt, you’ll never get caught. 

 

“You say things like ‘Cops can’t catch me. She’ll never find out. Nobody will ever see the tattoo there.’

“The realistic near miss is where you’re grateful nothing terrible happened. You learn your lesson and never do that something again.

“You say to yourself, “I’m too cute to go to jail. She deserves better. I’ll never go to the tattoo parlor drunk again.

“I’ve noticed that since I’ve gotten sober, I learn my lesson from near misses. Next time I'm this sick, I won’t drive.”

 

Today I will learn from my near misses.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

This Too Shall Pass

Katy took a sick day. Sensing nobody manned the front desk, the entire drinking/drugging community called.

Cuddles vomited a hairball and half a mouse onto my desktop. 

Dana’s daughter, the princess, showed up, boyfriend in tow, prom shoes in hand, crying and demanding Dana take her shopping.  Dana threw a donut at her.

A stomach bug making its way through the dorms had sickened half the group.

The crew foreman working outside informed us he had to shut off the water for a couple hours.  We wouldn’t be able to flush our toilets until lunchtime.

They began breaking up the sidewalk with jackhammers just as Abigail started running her group. Every time she spoke the rat-a-tat-tat drowned her out.

“This too shall pass,” I said to my laptop. I felt a rumbling in my stomach. “Uh oh.”

 

Today I will remember this too shall pass.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Honestly

We were eating dinner when I got at text from a friend in recovery.  She was trying to come up with a catchy name for her hair salon.

‘Hair O’Win’, she wrote.

‘Pronounced like heroin?!?’ I asked.

‘Yep! ‘Cause our haircuts are addictive and I’m Irish.’

Clearly my friend liked the name.  She liked it a lot. I did not.  I was tempted to just go along, but I really thought I owed her that much honesty.  Sometimes being a friend means telling someone things they don’t want to hear. They have a drinking problem, or their boyfriend isn’t at the library at 2:30 a.m.

I wrote ‘With a name that sounds like heroin, you could set aside a back room for women to trade sex for highlights.  Open a pawn shop next door for them to sell stolen goods for dimes on the dollar.  Use dirty scissors and combs to share scalp infections.’

She sent me a frowning emoji. ‘You’re just jealous you don’t think of it!’ I tried.

 

Today I’ll be honest with people.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Appreciation

That night was the first spring scrimmage for the 2025 football season. TyGuy, himself a former offensive lineman, was the Offensive Coordinator.

They say nobody notices an offensive lineman unless he screws up.  CharChar, Dr. Deb, Blondie, Brat Boy, and I had decided to change that.

Sitting in the stands, we chanted “Nice block, you rock!” and “O-line kicks your behind!” every time a play went for more than three yards. Soon the parents of the offensive linemen and the students were joining in.

After the game, TyGuy thanked us. “Guys would tell you they were just doing their jobs, but a little appreciation goes a long way.”  He paused, looked away, and added, “But Ken, about that ‘Gouge out his eyes, stomp on his face!’ chant…”

 

Today I’ll let someone know I appreciate their effort.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

www.greenbriartraining.com 

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Kind

Abigail opened the envelope and read the papers. A smile crept across her face. “Nothing new,” she said, looking at me and stroking Cuddles. “Just my aunt going out of her way to be mean.”

M.A. had disappeared. He reappeared at Abigail’s feet with one of his cherished Gummi Bears in his mouth. Abigail picked him up and he dropped the candy in her lap.

“And you, my little friend,” Abigail said to M.A., “just went out of your way to be kind.”  She looked at me and said again, “We can’t lose these two.”

I looked down at the semi-melted, fuzzy, tooth-marked, Gummi Bear in Abigail’s lap. “We won’t. Now don’t be rude, eat the candy.” Abigail laughed, but looked like she might choke at the thought of it.

 

Today I’ll go out of my way to be kind.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Bite Me

Abigail stroked cuddles. She looked like she might be fighting back tears.  “We can’t lose Cuddles and M.A.” she said. “We just can’t.”

I said, “I can’t understand why the county wants them out of here.”

“Just one more delayed consequence from Randy’s past,” Abigail said. “The county inspector is friends with a woman Randy dated years ago.  Randy was a different person back then.  He treated her very badly.”

“Got it,” I said.  “The inspector is getting payback for her friend by making Randy get rid of the animals.”

After Abigail left I started a list of things that could have come back to bite me, but hadn’t.   

 

Today I’ll be grateful for all the things that haven’t come back to bite me.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

www.greenbriartraining.com 

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

Thanks For Your Support

Abigail’s aunt stood dumbfounded after Abigail dismissed her.

Cuddles the cat took a step forward on my desk. His tail swished back and forth, the fur on his back standing on end. He hissed and let out a low, rumbling growl.  Ears back, teeth exposed, he stared at Abigail’s aunt with pure malice.

Abigail’s aunt looked down and gasped. M.A. had sneaked out of the desk drawer, down the back of the desk, across the floor, to stand at her feet. Was he letting her know he could creep up on her any time he wanted to? She fled.

Abigail collapsed into a chair. Cuddles jumped into her lap. “I don’t know if I could have stood up to her much longer,” Abigail said, stroking the cat. “Thank you.”

I started to say ‘no problem’, but realized she was talking to Cuddles.  I made a note to thank the supportive people in my life anyway.

 

Today I will thank the supportive people in my life.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

 Fawlty Showers

Bully

Just then Abigail walked past my office and spotted her aunt.

Abigail looked down and away. Her shoulders slumped. She took a step backward, as if her aunt had balled up their past and tossed to her, weighing her down and staggering her.

A moment later Abigail dropped the ball. She stood up straight and stepped toward her aunt.

Smiling from ear to ear, Abigail’s aunt handed her an envelope.  She had chosen to serve Abigail legal documents herself.

Slap the smirk right off her face, I thought.  Please let Abigail slap her aunt silly.

“Thank you,” Abigail said, forcing a smile. “You may go now.”  

Abigail had refused to be bullied by her aunt. She had refused to be bullied by her past. She didn’t let who she had been dictate who she was now.

I wondered if I was bullied by my past, letting mistakes and relationships limit who I was now.

 

Today I won’t be bullied by my past.

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

• www.greenbriartraining.com 
• https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
• https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

 

Book

After Dana left, an attractive woman in her late forties appeared in my doorway. She was dressed to the nines and wore a diamond pendant.

“There’s an animal on your desk,” she said, pointing to Cuddles, and giving me a disapproving look. Cuddles hissed. I saw the resemblance and knew who she was - Abigail’s aunt.

Your soul is a swarm of flying cockroaches feasting on misery and contempt, I thought. “Can I help you?” I asked. I fought the urge to demand she tell me where she’d hidden the Dalmatian puppies.

One of the nicest people I’d ever met wore nothing but flannel shirts and faded dungarees, swore like he was being paid by the curse word, and spit tobacco into an ever-present cup.  He’d do anything for someone who needed his help. 

She was dressed to impress, but his willingness to help others was truly impressive.

“You can’t judge a book by its cover,” I muttered to Cuddles.

Today I won’t judge a book by its cover.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

www.greenbriartraining.com 

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Inspiration

The group went well. Dana listed celebrities on the white board.  All had fame and fortune.  The list included athletes, leaders, writers, and business people.

She asked the group to name the problems each had faced. The group didn’t seem to know what obstacles the celebrities had overcome. Dana listed them.

“What do you think my point is?”

A young man said, “No matter how good somebody’s life looks, it probably sucks just as much as yours.”

Dana sighed. “Well, no. The point is we focus on the success which sometimes makes us envious, maybe a little bitter.  If we focused on their struggle we might be inspired instead.”

I added, “If you knew what the person next to you struggled with, you might be inspired by how they got through the day.”

Today I’ll be inspired by other people’s struggles.

 

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

www.greenbriartraining.com 

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/