Fawlty Showers 2

Gratitude, A Quiet Celebration

Blondie texted me, ‘Your sobriety anniversary is coming up. What are you doing?’

‘Same as always,’ I texted back.

She texted, ‘Daddy!’ with an eye-rolling emoji.

Every year on my sobriety anniversary, Father’s Day, and my birthday, I did the same thing. It made my son laugh, but prompted my wife and daughter to suggest there was plenty more I could do to celebrate.

I would go to the gym for a long workout. When I got home, I’d enjoy a movie, not watching with one eye on my laptop. If my sister could come over, she’d bring a Vincent’s pizza, each slice two inches thick and 1,000 calories.

I’d tell everyone how grateful I was to have them in my life.

Because I’d done such a long workout, I’d fall asleep early in a warm bed, my conscious clear, my responsibilities met, my family keenly aware of how much I loved them.

“Gratitude is like an ongoing, but quiet celebration,” I said to DD.

‘It’s enough,’ I texted Blondie. ‘More than enough.’

 

Today gratitude will be my quiet celebration.

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

What Does A Shadow Weigh?
Back in my office after lunch, I found myself thinking about how much brighter Abigail seemed. It was as if she stepped out from under her aunt’s heavy shadow.

I put DipshitDumbass on my lap. “We tell people to put the past behind them,” I said to the bunny. “Don’t let someone live rent free in your head. Live in the moment.”

DD’s ears twitched. He was listening, so I went on. “It’s sound advice, but sometimes we get frustrated, maybe a little judgmental with people who don’t.”

I stroked the rabbit and went on, “The past casts a shadow.  We only see the shadow, we don’t feel how heavily it weighs on someone.  We guess that since it’s only a shadow, it shouldn’t weigh much.”

 “Today I’m not going to guess how much someone’s shadows weigh. I’m going to help them live in the moment without judging them for how much they’re affected by the past.”

Today I won’t guess what other’s people’s shadows weigh.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

 

Effort and Inspiration

“What happened in group?” Abigail asked.

“We talked about the slogan ‘play the tape through’,” I said “Good discussion. Everybody spoke.”

Abigail thought for a moment. “They are an interesting group. Most of them really struggle to stay sober, yet none of them has given up.”

“You know, you’re right,” I said. “Usually you have one or two people not making much of an effort. Not in this group.”

“We tend to be inspired by success,” Randy said. “Maybe we aren’t as inspired as we should be by effort.”

I thought of people I had known who’d struggled to get through school, start businesses, lose weight, quit smoking, overcome an addiction, etc.  A lot of them still struggled. I wondered if I couldn’t draw a little more inspiration from their efforts.

Today I’ll draw inspiration from other people’s efforts.

 

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•              www.greenbriartraining.com 

•              https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

How am I Supposed to Feel?

Randy and Abigail came back from the funeral in surprisingly good moods.

“How was it?” I asked.

Randy said, “Odd at first. Everybody strained to say something nice about her. Then, my crazy great-uncle said, ‘Knock off the long faces. She was mean as a snake and selfish to the core.’”

Abigail said, “I was sad for her. She was an unhappy woman. But he was right. We were pretending to feel the way we thought we were supposed to feel.”

“You know, it feels good to admit you feel just the way you feel,” Randy said, smiling. “I was making myself feel bad because I didn’t feel bad about her passing. You feel me?”

I laughed, “You felt better when you stopped beating yourself up over how you thought you should feel.”

Randy nodded.

Abigail shocked me. “Let me tell you how I REALLY feel. I want to dance on her grave, then plant geraniums all over it. She hated geraniums.” She picked up a specimen cup. “I know just how I’ll water them.”

Today I won’t beat myself up over how I think I’m supposed to feel.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

 

Fawlty Showers 2

Tapes and Traffic Cones

To my surprise Randy and Abigail went to their aunt’s funeral, leaving me to cover group that morning.

I asked if anybody had a topic they wanted to discuss. Someone suggested the NA slogan ‘play the tape through.’ It suggested looking past the initial high to what happens after. 

I said, “If I take that first drink, I’ll want another. Take another and I’ll have ten. If I manage not to have another, I’ll convince myself I’m in control and sooner or later I won’t be.”

A young man said, “So before you have that first drink you play the tape through, to remind yourself how it ends.” I nodded.

“I’m the same way about cigarettes,” someone said. “I think I’m going to smoke one, and the next thing I know I’m buying one more ‘last pack.’ Need to quit and play the tape through before I light up another one.”

A woman in her late twenties looked out the window.  I knew she struggled with alcohol, but wondered what other ‘tapes’ she had. Food? Gambling? Sex?

“Traffic cones,” she said. “Late at night, after I’ve had a few, I steal traffic cones.  I say I’m going to take one, but I always end up with a bunch.”   She pointed to the monitor strapped to her ankle. “Next time I’ll play the tape through.”

 

Today I will play the tape through.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

WD-40 and Ferrari

I saw the For Sale sign on my way to work.

“Alcohol is to doing dumb things what WD-40 is to stuck and rusty nuts and bolts,” I said to the steering wheel.

I knew the guy selling the house. We’d had a few casual conversations at the gym.  I’d heard later he’d lost everything to a Ponzi scheme.

“Lust and greed also grease the skids on dumb ideas,” I said. “Why sink all your money into a somewhat legal, get-rich quick scheme? Because you’ve had four stiff drinks and the extremely attractive sales rep driving a Ferrari promised huge returns on your investment.”

To be sure, I still did dumb things completely sober. I’d washed a pair of pants with my cell phone in the pocket, fell into a creek holding another one. More than once I’d ignored clouds rolling in and been caught in a thunderstorm on my bike.

I said to the steering wheel, “At least I don’t do dumb things that could ruin my life.” I thought for a moment. “OK, if I destroy another phone Dr. Deb might kill me, but still…”

 

Today I’ll be grateful for every dumb thing I don’t do.

 

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S 
 

 Fawlty Showers 2

Of Coffee and Trash Pandas

I drank three cups of coffee at the meeting without really thinking about it.  I took a cup for the ride home.   It wasn’t until I brushed my teeth that I realized how wide awake I was.

“Oh no,” I said to the mirror. “I did it again.”

At 3:00 a.m. I stared at the ceiling, wondering how you’d know if tired pandas had bags under their eyes. If a raccoon lost a fistfight could you see the shiner? Were pandas or raccoons more offended by ‘trash panda’?

It wasn’t the first time I’d had way too much coffee way too late. 

The next day I wrote a note in my appointment book, set a reminder on my phone, and put another reminder in my laptop, telling me not to drink coffee at night.  I wrote ‘No Nighttime Coffee’ on my deskpad.

I thought about getting ‘No Coffee After 5:00’ tattooed on my wrist.

Experience had taught me people, including me, often underestimated how much they needed to do to change a habit.  Better to go overboard, than not do enough.

 

Today I will do more than enough to change a bad habit.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S 

Fawlty Showers 2

Burden

“How’s school going?” I asked Margaret The Newbie when she sat down.

She smiled. “Love the kids.” A moment later she laughed a little and added, “OK, most of the kids.”

Margaret sighed, and we waited for her to say more.

“My students’ married fathers hit on me.  Always the same old line, ‘we should meet somewhere away from school to talk about Junior’s grades.’”

She took a sip of coffee. “Every day somebody who’s never taught school wants to add something for teachers to do.  My boyfriend didn’t dump me because of my drinking. He dumped me because I wasn’t 25 anymore.”

“No shortage of jackasses in your life,” Stanley said. “Whole herd of ‘em.”

“Do you know what my dad used to say?” Margaret asked. “’A jackass is a beast of burden, but you don’t have to be burdened by them.’ I’m overwhelmed, stretched to my limit, but since I got sober, I don’t let the jackasses add to my burden. I mostly just ignore them.”

 

Today I’ll be less burdened by jackasses.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S 

Fawlty Showers 2
 

Straw

When I got to my AA meeting that night Margaret the Newbie was handing Talmadge a stack of papers.  She hugged him and wiped a tear from her eye.  Talmadge smiled and she hugged him again.

“What’s that about?” I asked Stanley, glad to see he was out of the hospital.

“Taking a straw from the camel’s back,” he said. 

“What?”

“She’s a teacher. She’s working on her masters, and trying to keep up with grading papers, making lesson plans, that kinda stuff.”

I got it. “Add to that getting sober and anything more could be the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

Stanley nodded. “Talmadge offered to help her with some back taxes. One less straw she has to worry about.”

 

If I get a chance today, I’ll take a straw from the camel.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

Should II

“Cognitive therapists say people use the word should too much,” I said to Dipshitdumbass.

DD the bunny shut his eyes. I thought I might be boring him, but I went on.

“There are things you absolutely should do. The new patient should stop driving drunk. He should pay child support.  If you don’t do some shoulds it makes you a bad person.

“On the other hand, people should on themselves all the time. I should go to the gym. I should read more. I should eat more kale.

DD’s ears twitched. Only a rabbit would think anyone should eat more kale.

“They feel sad, thinking not doing these shoulds makes them bad.  But, instead of feeling sad, they’d be smarter to get rid of the should, and replace it with something like ‘I’d feel good if I went to the gym.’ ‘It would benefit me to read more.’  That way doing these things becomes a bonus, not a judgment.”

DD didn’t stir. He wasn’t getting it.

“All I’m saying is people need to stop judging themselves, stop shoulding on themselves.”

 

Today I won’t should on myself.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

Shoulds

Abigail appeared at my door, a strange look on her face. She told me her aunt had overdosed on whiskey and sleeping pills.

“I believe I should feel sad,” she said. “I feel nothing but relief.”

I ignored the urge to tell her what I thought she needed to hear. She knew.  Finally, she said, “I feel the way I feel. I’m not going to judge myself for it.”

I nodded. Talking more to herself than to me, Abigail said, “People need to look at where their shoulds come from.  My aunt always said I should be grateful she took me in, that I’d be lost without her.”

I said, “And you know that’s BS.”

“I felt guilty for years, telling myself I should be more grateful. Recently, I found out my father paid her to take care of me. I was her meal ticket.”

Abigail thanked me for listening and left.

“She’s right,” I said to Dipshitdumbass the bunny. “Before you feel guilty because of someone says you should do something or feel a certain way, consider the source.  Ask yourself where that should came from.”

Today I’ll look for the source of my shoulds.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•              www.greenbriartraining.com 

•              https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
 

 

Fawlty Showers 2

Focus

I woke up the next day mourning the loss of my cookies. After a hot shower, I put on clean clothes. I packed myself a nice lunch from the food in the refrigerator. Got into a car I knew would run. Had a little money in my pocket for coffee.  Joked with the lady at the drive-through who knew me by name.

I talked with the night staff finishing their shift as I was starting mine. Sat in my comfortable chair. Smiled at pictures of my wife and kids, wondering how I ever got so lucky.

Dana came in and we traded insults.  She told me the Dope Without Hope and his family were out of town. I suggested she get a big box, stencil something really embarrassing on it, and leave it in on their porch as if FedEx had delivered it.  She liked the idea. Lifting someone’s mood always felt good.

Dipshitdumbass the bunny hopped into my office after she left. I put him on my lap.  I thought about all I had in my life.

“I’ve got a house, a car, a job, friends, and more,” I said to the rabbit, “No cookies is no big deal, but focusing on what I do have is a good habit for when I really lose something important.”

 

Today I’ll focus on what I do have.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

Temptation

The little girls from next door knocked on our door.  Their mother handed me two giant shopping bags with the thirty boxes of cookies I’d ordered.

Dr. Deb came to the door before I could hide them in the hall closet.  To my horror she gave ten boxes to Blondie and ten more to Brat Boy.

“That leaves five for your sister when she comes up tomorrow, and five for you and me.”

“My sister hates cookies,” I lied. “She’s allergic to sweets.”

NA and AA had several slogans about avoiding temptation: ‘If you play on the tracks, you’ll get hit by the train.’ ‘If you sit in the barbershop, sooner or later you’ll get a haircut.’  ‘You don’t go to the brothel to hear the piano player.’

I had a horrible sweet tooth. Diabetes ran in my family. The last thing I needed was 30 boxes of cookies in the house. I whined anyway about losing my beloved Tagalongs, Thin Mints, and Samoas.

“I was going to limit myself to one cookie a day,” I said, knowing I was lying to myself this time.

Dr. Deb snorted. “You were going to eat a sleeve a day. Who says better to limit temptation than rely on willpower?”  I didn’t answer.

 

Today I will eliminate some temptation.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S  

 

Fawlty Showers 2

Today

We sat for a second in silence. The dog barked to be let out.

“Well, the ocean’s no place for a squirrel,” Brat Boy said, quoting Sandy from the Sponge Bob cartoons.

Blondie said, “You stink on ice kid, go home and play with your ducks,” a line from Jimmy Neutron.

I laughed, but drew a blank.

“You lose Dad!” Blondie said.

“What do you mean, I lose?” I asked. “I didn’t even know we were playing.” Apparently we were trying to come up with the best cartoon quotes. I laughed again, and got up to take the dog out.

When my kids were little, I had been sober over a decade. I never lost a day with them due to drinking, always up on the weekends to watch cartoons with them.

 I was happy for myself, but sad for people I saw online losing days to their addictions as they struggled to get sober. “You can’t get a day back,” I said to the dog. “Not one day.”

 

Today I’ll remember I can’t get today back.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

Rust and Wrecks

Traffic slowed on the way home. I passed a wreck, relieved nobody looked to be seriously hurt. It was early in the morning and I wondered if one of the drivers was coming home from a night of drinking.

I told my family about the accident when I got home. “I hope alcohol was involved.”

Blondie asked, “Daddy, why would you hope that?”

“More people rust than wreck,” I said. “They start out living full lives with a little alcohol, and end up stuck in half lives soaked in booze. Nothing terribly bad happens so they don’t notice they’re rusting away.”

Brat Boy said, “I get it. Rust sneaks up on you, a wreck is almost a blessing. It gets your attention. Maybe the driver responsible for the accident will get help.”

“Doesn’t have to be about alcohol,” Blondie said with a sigh. “One of the secretaries at work doesn’t really love her husband anymore, but they’ve been married 37 years and he’s never done anything really bad. She doesn’t like her job, but she’s had no problems at work in 25 years.  She’s rusting away.”

 

Today I’ll beware of rust.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

 Fawlty Showers 2

Amends

Brat Boy and Blondie stayed over that night. In the morning I made a donut run.

The line at the drive through was long, and moved very slowly. The guy in front of me honked his horn. Twice. “Well that’s helpful,” I said to the steering wheel, cursing him.

When I got to the window, the kid told me the guy in front had paid for my donuts. “He asked me to tell people he was sorry, he’s having a really bad day.”

A key concept in Twelve Step recovery is making amends. Usually it involves something big, like gambling away the mortgage, stealing from work, or cheating on someone. These amends take time.

I liked that horn-honker had made quick amends for something small, something he could have easily put in his rearview mirror.

“OK,” I said to the steering wheel, “he’s still a jackass, but maybe a jackass with a little heart.”

 

If I need to today, I will make a quick amends.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

 

Fawlty Showers 2

This for That

Brat Boy and Blondie came for dinner that weekend. Blondie had gone back for her Ph.D. The first two years had been brutal. She had studied late into the night most nights, getting by on very little sleep, forgoing any social life.  Blondie never regretted the sacrifice, saying her degree had opened many doors for her.

In high school, Brat Boy had given up basketball, a sport he loved, to focus on volleyball. The decision hadn’t been easy.

Later, we had visited several colleges recruiting him to play volleyball. I’d been proud when, after all the work he’d put in, he gave up the sport, choosing to enroll in Pitt’s School of Engineering instead.  

“They’re better at engineering than anybody who recruited me,” Brat Boy had said with a sad shrug.

I had quit drinking relatively young at 28.  What had seemed like a giant sacrifice at the time turned into a bargain once I had replaced alcohol with the rest of life. I’d never lost a minute of their childhoods because I was drunk or hungover.

“Sometimes you give something now to get something better later,” I said.

Dr. Deb laughed. “Are you just now figuring that out?”

Today I will give up something, to get something better.

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S 

Fawlty Showers 2

The Extra Mile

The next day Randy told me the blood test results were back, the boy wasn’t his. “I’m still going to pay his tuition,” Randy said. “At least until he graduates high school.”

I was stunned. I’d wish the kid well, maybe give him some money to help with school supplies, but I wouldn’t pay his tuition. Not this semester, certainly not until he finished.

Randy read my expression, and added, “I could have been his father, just the luck of the draw that I’m not. Told you before, I can help, so I will.”

Randy was that rare person who went the extra mile or ten to help someone. I didn’t think I could go that far, but I decided I’d take a step or two in the right direction. 

 

Today I’ll help somebody, if only in a small way.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
 

Fawlty Showers 2

Time Takes Time

A fourth person told me she’d heard about the new synthetic drug, but wasn’t going to leave.

“I’m staying,” she said, “but I really want to leave.  It’s gnawing at me. Will I always crave every new thing that’s out there?”

“Probably not, or at least not nearly as intensely,” I said, “but it will take time. It’s like the time you need to get over the end of a relationship.”

“How much time?”

“Can’t tell you. Time takes time.”

She shook her head, but smiled. “Hate you. Hate your slogans.”

“It takes time to adjust to any change. Give it time.”

 Today I will give change the time it needs.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S 
 

 

Fawlty Showers 2

Honestly

The next day was a struggle.  A new synthetic drug had hit the streets and some of our clients were dying to try it.

I tried to convince three people not to leave treatment. One was honest, “I can’t stop until I know I’ve done it all,” he said. “It’s just the way I am.”

The other two argued they had legitimate reasons to leave. A thirtysomething seemed to know she was lying, but the other had truly convinced himself.

“One of the worst things you can do is lie to yourself,” I said. “Lying to yourself helps you stay in dead relationships, lays the groundwork for bad decisions, keeps you from facing hard truths.”

He smiled, and said, “Ken, maybe working in this field has made you think most people are lying to themselves. I’m not. I really am leaving to see my kids.”

A week later he OD’d, a victim of his own lie. 

I didn’t think I was telling myself any really big lies, but I wondered if I didn’t tell myself little lies that hurt me in the long run. 

 

Today I’ll try not to lie to myself.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

Help

Talmadge texted to let me know Stanley was in the hospital.  I called his room.

“How are you doing?” I asked.

“When you’re 92 I bet the nurses won’t fight over who gets to give you a sponge bath,” Stanley said with a laugh.

I laughed too. “’Gets to?” Oh what a treat for them.”

“They listen to my heart a lot,” he said. His voice caught, but he added, “Just looking for an excuse to see me bare-chested. Who can blame them?”

We talked for half an hour. Several times he said he didn’t want to bother the nurses.  “I did tell them I’d be happy to talk to anyone who was here ‘cause of an OD.”

I knew what he was really saying. He wanted to help, he didn’t want to be helped.

“You know, it’s ok to ask for help,” I said. “You are in the hospital, you know.”

He snorted, called me “a candy-ass who’d never take his thumb off the nurse call button” if I was in the hospital.

I ignored him, and asked, “You will ask for help if you need it?”

“If it will make you happy,” he said.

 

Today I’ll ask for help if I need it.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•             www.greenbriartraining.com 

•             https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S