Thursday
October 23, 2014

Life on Life's Terms

Understanding Motivation

What happened between you two?" my wife asked Tiffany.

"Not much.  Evan's still mad at Dad over our family's bank. When the auditors caught my dad with his hand in the cookie jar, Evan got in trouble too.  My dad had forged Evan's name on some documents, and had gotten him to sign other papers without really reading them.  For a while it looked like Evan and Dad might go to jail together.  It took Evan almost three years to clear his name."

"No wonder he's angry," my wife said, "but your father passed on.  Maybe it's time to let go." 

The words 'passed on' hung in the air.  Tiffany's father had OD'd in prison.

Tiffany sighed and said, "Cocaine and gambling weren't my father's only vices.  Our bank always had the prettiest tellers.  Some were paid better than others.  Evan knew why and so did my mother.  Evan was very protective of my mom."

"I never knew that about your father," I said. 

"When he was clean he was a good man.  That's who you knew.  But before he got clean, and after he relapsed, he was capable of anything.  Deep down Evan is terrified he'll follow in Dad's footsteps.  My addiction and all my wild behavior were just reminders to him that this runs in our family."

"I'm sorry, but that doesn't excuse the way he treats you," my wife said.

"No, but it helps me understand him.  I won't let him bully me anymore, but understanding what scares him makes it easier to reach out to him."

Today I will try to understand what motivates people.

Life on Life's Terms (c) 2014 by Ken Montrose

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Other Blogs

AArdvarks, a daily messages blog about a group of young people in recovery, can be found at: https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/7224934-leadership

RPG

Just say it

That afternoon I hit the gym on my way home from work.  One of the comments on the gym's bulletin board read: You should be ASHAMED of yourselves!!!  The pool water is so cold it makes my kids shiver!!!

I wondered if under-heated pool water was really a reason for the gym managers to hang their heads in shame.  I thought about how much bad feeling people cause by overstating their grievances and shouting when they don't need to.  A simple "please heat the pool water' would have been enough.

Today I won't shout what I need only say.

Relapse Prevention Group (c) 2014 by Ken Montrose