Friday
September 12, 2014

Life on Life's Terms

Laughing at Snakes

What about her other brother?" I asked.  "What's his name, Evan?"

"Oh, he's a peach!" my wife said, shaking her head. "Evan thanked her for keeping the wedding quiet, 'so as not to embarrass the family by drawing attention to her addicted lifestyle.'"

"Oh, harsh!" I said.

"It gets better.  He suggested she get her tubes tied before she created any junkie babies."

"Poor Tiffany.  She must be crushed."

"Not really.  She was laughing when she told me about Evan.  Tiffany said he's a snake that likes to hiss and rattle.  That's good because you never forget he's a snake, he can't sneak up on you.  She also said hissing snakes take themselves way too seriously, and can't stand it when you don't."

"So what'd she say to Evan?"

"She was going to wear a wedding dress that would make a hooker blush and have her picture printed on the society page.  She planned to post the picture on all the social media and send it to everyone he knows. Then she planned to have as many junkie babies as possible, with as many men as possible, and name them all Evan."

"She'd never do that," I said, laughing.

"Snake boy doesn't know that!  In any case, she's OK not having him anywhere near the wedding.  He can't poison the day if he's not around."

Today I'll laugh at snakes – from a distance.

Life on Life's Terms (c) 2014 by Ken Montrose

Freebie

This week's freebie is the Kindle version of My Plan to Ruin Your Life: The first recovery workbook written by your Addiction.  It is available at  http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S.

Other Blogs

AArdvarks, a daily messages blog about a group of young people in recovery, can be found at: https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/6985510-quitting-time.

Upcoming  Trainings

MISA Assessment

September 17, 2014 at Kerr Presbyterian Church in Verona

9:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m

$50 payable in advance, at the door, or by invoice after the training

This five hour training is accredited for:

• Addiction Counselors by the Pa. Certification Board
• Nurses by the PSNA #101-1-O-14
• Counselors by NAADAC #477 and NBCC #6352
• EAPs by the Employee Assistance Certification Commission
• Social Workers by the University of Pittsburgh School of Social Work.

To register, please visit our website greenbriartraining.com or send an email to: kmontrose@greenbriar.net

Smart Bears, Angry Rats

The cart and half the horse  150 Years later

The iWall's jangle pulled her from the painting.  The face of Jeremiah, her ex-husband, appeared. After being booted from the Air Force at the rank of major, a friend pulled strings and got him into the Army as a sergeant.  Rather than being grateful, Jeremiah had seen his reduction in rank as an insult.  He joked about 'playing Army' until the Air Force came to its senses.

When Sonya saw Jeremiah her hopes soared for one brief moment.  Maybe this was the day he'd called to say he'd gotten clean and sober.   She dared to hope he'd accepted he was in the Army, and was making the most of his situation. 

Instead, she noticed his scraggly beard and uncombed hair.  He was wearing an Army coat with someone else's name on it. She had served in the Army for four years after college.  She knew he would never pass inspection in his condition.

Sonya knew better than to start the same circular argument with him, but she couldn't help herself.  "Let me guess, you got drunk and got booted from the Army!" she said.  "When are you going to quit drinking?"

"When the Air Force takes me back!" he yelled.

"They won't take you back while you're still drinking.  You're putting the cart before the horse."

"How am I supposed to get sober while I'm on bear patrol with a bunch of kids playing soldier?  I'm a pilot, not a babysitter.  I'm the horse.  I'm a damn thoroughbred.  It's the Air Force putting the cart first.  Put me back in a plane and I'll have a reason to stay sober."   From there the argument went around and around about who was the cart, what was the horse, and who was putting what where.

Finally, Sonya yelled, "Those 'kids' saved your life twice.  You're not the cart, and you're just the back half of the horse!" She shut down the iWall.  "Why do I let him get to me?" she asked herself for the umpteenth time.

Sonya sighed.  She knew what Jeremiah would likely never see.  For change to happen, we have to see ourselves as the horse.  The horse can move.  Waiting for the cart to move, or someone to move the cart, is a waste of time.

If I want something to change today, I will be the horse, not just the tail end.

Smart Bears, Angry Rats © 2014 by Ken Montrose