Happy New Year!

I’ll Get To It

I finished my coffee and picked up my mail, a pile of envelopes from all over the country. Many people working in social services had to complete twenty-five to forty hours of training each year.  The envelopes held their home-study courses they’d waited until the last possible moment to complete.

Having written my Master’s thesis on procrastination, I could almost feel their stress.  I wondered what Procrastinators Anonymous slogans might be.

Work Ignored Brings More.  Delaying work creates more work.  Put off cleaning the gutters, and you may need to replace water-damaged walls.

While You Pout, Problems Sprout. Some things have to be done whether we like it or not.  

Time Lost Adds to the Cost.  People I knew put off getting sober.  Not only did they lose time, they lost jobs and marriages. They paid fines and spent weeks in hospitals or jails.

I looked at the pile of envelopes, and thought about waiting until the next day to open them.

Today I won’t procrastinate.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

One Thing at a Time
When I got to work the next day, several of our clients were talking about New Year’s resolutions. A forty-something man was telling the group he planned to quit smoking, lose 35lbs., attend church every Sunday, run five miles a day six times a week, and volunteer at the food bank.

“And no more swearing,” he added.

“Easy Does It,” I said, quoting an AA slogan. “How about after you haven’t done heroin for a while you pick one or maybe two more things to work on?”

He rolled his eyes. I started to say something sarcastic, but wished him well instead.

“Thanks,” he said, “Trust me, when I set my damn mind to something, I get shit done.”

A woman in the group laughed and said, “You just swore twice.”

Today I will focus on one change.

\Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Merry Christmas!  

Dogged Determination will return on Friday.

Stress

Six months passed. I got a call at work from Cara’s attorney. She wanted to know if I’d be a character witness at Cara’s sentencing hearing. 

“We’d like you to talk about the stress in Cara’s life that made her drink,” the attorney said. Whatever stress Cara experienced, she mostly created herself, I thought. 

“Let me think about it,” I said.

“It could be the difference between twenty years in jail or ten. If she gets ten, Cara might be out in five with good behavior.”

So I thought about it. I couldn’t come up with a list of anybody I knew who led a completely stress-free life.  Looking online, I saw most people I knew struggled with something.  If drinking was the only way they coped with stress, they’d all be alcoholics.  The rehabs would be jammed, highways would be death traps, and not much would get done. 

I called the attorney back to say whatever stress Cara faced, she could have found another way to deal with it.  I wouldn’t be testifying.

Today I’ll find better ways to deal with stress.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Time Takes Time

It had taken almost twenty years, but Trevor and his wife reunited in a small church near their new home.  During the brief ceremony I thought about the slogan ‘time takes time.’

Early in my recovery I suffered mood swings and couldn’t sleep. I’d ask people when I’d feel normal again and they’d say ‘time takes time.’ Not at all the answer I wanted to hear, but I let time pass. Life got better.

As I was driving home from the church I started a list of things that take time.

•        Forgiveness
•          Being comfortable after any major change
•          True understanding of another person
•          Doing things right

The list went on. The trick was to not give up because time took time.

Today I will remember time takes time.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

I Get You

When I got home, Brat Boy and his friend SemiColin were having one of the bizarre discussions that fueled their friendship.  Brat Boy had built an eight foot tall trebuchet in our backyard. He used it to launch softballs and pumpkins into the woods behind our house.

SemiColin wondered if trebuchets could talk, would they have French accents? Brat Boy thought they would, and they’d be snooty, especially toward catapults.

We all have quirks, idiosyncrasies, things that make us a little different.  Having someone who truly gets those differences makes life so much easier.

Today I’ll be grateful for people who get me.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Dog in a Manger

Billie’s mother and sister sat at my table at the reception.  So did Roger, Trevor, and Trevor’s ex-wife, soon to be his wife again. As I sat down Billie’s mother told us her husband had died of lung cancer a year after the wedding.  She was still angry at him for using the ‘unto death do us part’ loophole.

Billie’s sister had been engaged twice, but both times she and her mother had decided the groom wasn’t quite up to their standards. She’d left one of them at the altar after a dispute with his sister. Billie’s mother and sister left together to visit the Ladies Room.

“Dog in a manger,” I muttered, looking over at Billie and Bo slow dancing. Billie was as happy as I’d ever seen her.

“Dog in a manger?” Roger asked.

“It’s an expression. A dog can’t eat the hay, but he may chase the other animals out of the manger just for spite.”

“Billie’s mom can’t be happy, so she tries to keep Billie from being happy.”

“Dog in a manger,” I repeated.  “Not gonna let them chase my happiness away.”

Today I won’t let the dog in the manger chase me from whatever makes me happy.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Curiosity Cheered the Cat

Sue brought Baby Katie, who was fascinated by the judge’s robes. The judge laughed as Baby Katie walked around him, pulling on the fabric as she went.

Kim had flowers.  Katie did everything but eat them. She didn’t eat them because Sue made her spit out the petal.

Billie scooped up Baby Katie.  Katie grabbed one of Billie’s hoop earrings.  When Billie handed Baby Katie to Trevor, the toddler grabbed his glasses, started at them, shook them, then tossed them away.

At this point the ceremony was about to start. Sue pulled a toy from her purse and Katie played with it for almost a minute.

As I watched Baby Katie, I thought the world would be a better place if we never lost our curiosity.  People would be more curious about other people, and maybe a little more understanding.  No newly sober people would complain about boredom. They’d be too busy exploring all the things they’d missed in their addictions.

Today I’ll try to have a small child’s curiosity.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Of Frozen Snakes

Sometime later that night, Billie must have had a change of heart. The next day her mother and sister were at the wedding. 

As I walked into the courtroom Billie’s sister was fussing with Billie’s hair. “You should have gone to my guy,” she said in a disapproving tone.

“Hope this one works out better than the last one,” Billie’s mother said.

Billie looked at me, a mask of anger and frustration.

I thought of the parable of the frozen snake. A man picks up a nearly frozen snake in a mountain pass. The snake says carry me down to the valley where it’s warm. The man says no, you’ll bite me.  The snake swears he could never bite someone who saved his life.

By the time they reach the valley the snake has warmed up enough to bite the man. He asks him why are you surprised? You knew what I was when you picked me up.

Today I’ll remember the parable of the frozen snake.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Give Up

We all met for dinner the night before the weddings.  Kim was a ball of joy, Billie not so much.

“You OK?” I asked Billie.

“I’m glad my mom and sister won’t be at the wedding.  You’re right, it’s likely they’d do nothing but criticize.”

“But?”

“But they’re still family.  I’m a little sad they won’t be there.”

“Better mostly happy and a little sad than completely pissed off” I said.

Billie laughed, “I had to give up a little family to gain a lot of happy wedding memories.”

We talked about how hard it was to let go of something even if you thought you might get something better.

Today I may have to give up a little something to gain a lot more.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Better Late Than Never

Later that night Dr. Deb asked me, “How’s your hand?” I held it out for her to see.

“The swellings going down,” I said.  “I haven’t been lifting or putting any strain on my hand.”

She smiled. In the past I’d always ignored medical advice to rest my sprained ankles or stretch my stiff back before it started to spasm.  This time I did as I was told, resting and icing the injury.

Pushing 60, I’d finally learned my lesson, taking care of an injury before I had to see the doctor or physical therapist. I made a list of other things I’d seen people finally learn later rather than sooner.

• The officer probably doesn’t think you’re as funny as you think you are.
• Knowing what truly matters matters most.
• Effort is its own reward.
• It’s drinking, not just tequila, that’s the problem.
• Stop and smell the coffee.
• If you can’t ever say something nice, you’re surrounded by the wrong people.

The list went on.

Today I’ll be grateful for lessons learned no matter how late.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Rolling Along

Billie texted, ‘Mind if I tag along next time you go to the gym? I want to try out the bikes.”

‘No problem’ I texted back. ‘Just out of curiosity, why now?’

‘You know that slogan, if nothing changes then nothing changes?  Well if something changes, it gets the ball rolling. I started dating again which got the ball rolling. That was soooo hard to do.  Then I got engaged.  Stood up to my mom and sister. Now I want to start exercising.’

‘Getting the ball rolling maybe hard, but once you do, it’s easier to keep it rolling,’ I agreed.

Today I will get the ball rolling.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Heroin, Oxycontin, and Other Opiates: 

Breaking Your Addiction           

 "There is a “carrot and stick” to opiates.  Imagine a jackass chasing a carrot dangled in front of him on a stick.  The animal will chase that carrot until he is exhausted, remembering the taste of the first carrot.

            "Now imagine that his master finally allows him to eat the carrot in the shade.  The carrot only satisfies his hunger for a few minutes.  In what seems like a moment, his master will be hitting him with a stick to get him moving again.  Soon his belly is rumbling, his sides hurt from the stick, and he knows he must get up to chase another carrot.

            "Opiates are the carrot and the stick.  The high, and the escape from pain, are the carrot.  Withdrawal and all the problems opiate addiction causes are the stick.  Addiction is the master.  Guess which role you play.  This workbook will help you stop."

Heroin, OxyContin, & Other Opiates: Breaking Your Addiction  (c)2005 by Ken Montrose 

The kindle version of this workbook is free through Friday 12/13 at:https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S 

Extremes

‘Change of plans.  We moved the weddings to the Beaver County Courthouse.  We’re not telling my mother or my sister.’

I had met Billie’s mother and sister once.  I had no desire to see them again.

 I feel bad about it,’ Billie added.  ‘Do you think I’m going too far?’

I texted back, ‘Seems extreme, but dealing with extreme people sometimes takes extreme measures.’ 

The nice thing about true friends is you don’t have to sugarcoat the truth.  I texted ‘Do you really want those screeching harpies criticizing everything from the ceremony to your shoes? Drowning out the voices of people happy to see you happy?’

Long pause. Billie texted a smiling emoji, and ‘No Mom means no flying monkeys stealing people’s phones and keys.’

Today I’ll remember dealing with extreme people sometimes takes extreme measures.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Warning

Almost a week later I was hurrying to put up more Christmas lights before the 4:00 Steeler game.  Rather than opening the ladder and making sure it was on solid ground, I leaned it against the side of the house.

I climbed within two steps of the top of the ladder stretched toward my left to put a hook in the window frame.   The right foot of the ladder sank into the ground. The ladder went right, I went left and fell backward.

I landed on my back, grateful I’d cleaned up the dog’s calling cards the day before.  The ground was soft, but I twisted my hand.  My first two fingers started to swell.

A week earlier I’d been much higher up on the extension ladder.  Had I fallen then, I could have been hurt much worse.

“Well there’s my warning,” I said to myself.  It occurred to me I’d spent much of my career helping people who didn’t heed life’s warnings until they really got hurt.

Today I will heed life’s warnings.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Freebies:
The Kindle version of Staying Clean, Taking Medications a workbook for people in recovery is free today from Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

We have added a webinar that features the voice of Addiction explaining how he keeps people addicted.  "My Plan to Ruin Your Life" is free at: http://www.greenbriartraining.com/index.php/media

Roll Tide

At the next Monday Knights meeting I sat next to Sam.  He’d been on vacation in Florida and I asked him about  the beach.

“You ever notice when the tide is out, waves still roll in?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said, “they just don’t roll as far inland. Why?”

“I miss Pam.  Her memory is like a gentle wave breaking in a distant part of my mind.”

Poetic BS is still BS, I thought. “I had some good times when I was drinking,” I said. “But those times are a distant memory.  They’re like waves breaking a half mile offshore.  The tide is out and now I see the debris left behind.  If I try to wade out past it, I’ll likely sink. The tide will come back and drown me.”

“I thought we were talking about Pam.”

“I’m talking about anything toxic that’s fun at first.  If you only remember the good part, the toxic part will come back to bite you.”

Today I won’t drown chasing the tide.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Reason or Excuse

I went to the gym that night.  As I sat down on my favorite stationary bike, I caught the first whiff of Cologne Man.  Twenty feet away, I could hear Princess Yak Yak and the Duchess of Drama critiquing the fashion choices, weight, and morals of a classmate.  

I wanted to go sit in the sauna, but I asked myself if being annoyed was a reason or an excuse not to exercise.  Chest pain was a reason not to work out.  Ditto diarrhea.   Cologne and gossip seemed like excuses.

Over the years I’d met many people who’d confused reasons and excuses. People who had walked ten miles to buy drugs, but wouldn’t drive five miles to NA meeting because they didn’t trust GPS to get them there.  People whose names had been in the newspaper after their second DUI who were embarrassed to go to rehab.

I didn’t think not working out and failing to deal with an addiction were on the same level, but mistaking excuses for reasons seemed like a bad habit to get into.

Today I won’t mistake an excuse for a reason.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

But What If…

Before the end of the day, three people had asked when the training was being held. Two of the three registered for it.  Three more people who checked the addiction counselors’ website where all approved trainings were listed also registered.

Even though I had tried not to judge myself harshly, I had been awfulizing, imaging the worst possible outcome from my mistake. Nobody would show up for the training. Word would get back to my boss. I’d get fired. She’d pull a lever at the side of her desk. A trap door would open up and I’d slide down a chute into a dumpster behind the main building.

Human resources would erase all traces of me from the company records. Dr. Deb would divorce me. My kids would change their last name.  In six months I’d be standing on the side of the road with a sign reading ‘Will Train For Food,'

“I’ve really got to stop awfulizing,” I said to my laptop. 

“You’ve got to stop talking to yourself and your laptop,” Miss Rella said as she walked past my open door.

Today I won’t awfulize.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Judgment

Two weeks earlier I had decided to change my training announcements. I picked a new template, changed the fonts and the order of the paragraphs three times, and added a picture.  When I was finally satisfied, I sent the announcement to 2,500 colleagues working in mental health/drug and alcohol. 

Anybody walking past my office when I hit ‘send’ might have thought I was clapping.  I was high-fiving myself.

An hour later I got my first reply: “There’s no date listed, when is the training?”  It occurred to me that thirty-some years ago I may have quit drinking one beer too late.

 “I’m an idiot,” I said to my laptop.  No reply. “Don’t judge me, you played a part in this too,” I pointed out.

‘How would you judge a friend who made the same mistake?’ I finally asked myself.  I’d tell him we all mistakes, move on. I still felt like an idiot, but I started the next project anyway.

Today I’ll judge myself no more harshly than I’d judge a good friend.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Something Extra

When I got home, Dr. Deb asked me when I planned to put up Christmas lights.  I was ready.

I said, “The Bible says a single star appeared over Bethlehem.”

“What’s your point?” Dr. Deb asked.

I reached into the closet and pulled out a star made of cardboard covered in aluminum foil.  “I’ll put this in front of the porch light.”

For half a second she thought I was serious. 

Because I knew how happy it would make her, the next day I put up more lights than I ever had before.  I covered the bushes, trees, and lamppost. I bordered the windows and the roofline.  The two stars I’d made of wood and outlined in lights were fastened high in the hemlocks in our front yard.

I bought battery powered collars with mini-lights for the dog and cat.  The goldfish kept slipping out of the collars I made for them.

Today I’ll do something extra for the people I love.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/