The New Abnormal #33

Controller in your hand, hat on backwards, vaping, screen name DeathByNumbers. "Gonna play some #$%@ GTA up in here #$%##ers!" You're a 47 year-old CPA who doesn't think the lockdown had any lasting effect on him.

The New Abnormal #30

Fearing another lockdown, you create a 'wine cellar' and stock it with only the finest boxes of $4 wine.

The New Abnormal #18

You see Gucci masks advertised. They come with a matching purse and a tiny dog.

The New Abnormal #13

When people stare you remember in restaurants you're supposed to keep your pants buckled even after a big meal, not steal from other people's plates or wander into the kitchen, and hold it in until you get outside.

The New Abnormal #9

Instead of putting on your protective suit to go to the grocery story, you convince yourself Cap'n Crunch cereal is sweet, tiny, croutons.

The New Abnormal #7

Just for fun you sprinkle a little garlic powder on your mate's mask. Later, you laugh hysterically when they say their office smelled like an Italian restaurant all day.

The New Abnormal #6

Your smartass, grounded-for-life, computer savvy, kid found a way to add dramatic music and a laugh track to your pre-recorded church service.

The New Abnormal #3

You can't get seated at McDonald's because you don't have reservations, and the restaurant is more than 1/3 full.

The New Abnormal #1

"Where's Joe?' you ask on your first day back to work.

"Joe works from home now," the boss answers in the same tone your parents used when they told you your dog had gone to live out his days on a farm.

"Direct his calls and messages to me," he adds.

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Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #64
You find $500 and a kilo of catnip. You realize your cat has been dealing to stressed out neighborhood pets.

Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #63
The dog and cat take turns dropping your car keys by the front door, hoping you'll take the hint and leave.

Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #62

When you return to work you discovery PJs are NOT the new normal office wear.

Summer with the Slug Rats

Silver Lining

When they were little I called my children slug rats because they scurried around the house leaving a grubby mess everywhere they went.  Blondie and Brat Boy were older now.  Not quite as messy, and less prone to scurrying. I could have called them slug mice, but I liked the original name.

They were both home for the summer, and possibly the fall. Times were uncertain. I didn’t know how we would get through the summer, let alone what would happen in September. 

On the other hand, the slug rats were home.  Every dark cloud has its silver lining.

Today I’ll look for the silver lining.

Summer with the Slug Rats © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Summer with the Slug Rats is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #60
You're a 58 year old, Marine Corp veteran, construction work who just reached the 2,000 level of Candy Crush.

Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #59
The kid who whines "Spaghetti again?" discovers it's better to eat it than to wear it.

Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #57
You're afraid to ask grandma why she used a nail file to sharpen the points on her  knitting needles.

Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #55

Tired of fighting with your kids, you tell them there were eight, but Sloppy didn't make his bed, so Snow White fed him to the bears.

Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #53

You long to be annoyed again by:

-Too Much Cologne Carl

-Pictures of Her Dog/Grandkids/Granddog Pam

-Holier Than Thou Hal

-Wandering Story Wendy

-Larry the Work Fridge Lunch Thief

-TMI Tommy

-Ivan Saying That For Years

(Feel free to add your own example and forward.)

Bad Sign #51
You insist you're not heavier or paranoid. The U.N. is turning up the gravity to make us easier to herd.

Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #50

The mask your wife made for you doesn't allow you to breath. Your wife doesn't seem alarmed or surprised when you tell her.