Expiration Date

KC and I were standing at the back of an AA meeting, talking about the upcoming NCAA basketball tournament, March Madness. I asked him about his own playing career.

A sad look crossed his face, and he asked me if he could tell me something.

“In high school I made the varsity team as a freshman.  I was the only one.  Varsity players coached the little kids.  On my first day of coaching, a fifth grader told me he was going to make varsity when he was a freshman.  That kid became my little blond shadow.  Whenever I was at the courts he’d show up. He always wanted to play on whatever team I ran. Loved that kid.”  KC stopped for a long couple of minutes before he could go on.

“The day before JV/varsity tryouts during the kid’s freshman year I saw him standing under the basket in the gym.  Something was wrong, I could see it.  He was so red all his freckles had disappeared.  I asked him if he was alright.  He said he was just a little winded, but deep down I knew there might be more to it. I should have told somebody, maybe made him talk to the school nurse.  Instead, I thought about how hard he had worked, and how he might just make varsity.  If he doesn’t look good tomorrow, I told myself, I’ll tell the coach.

“The next day the kid died during tryouts. Two days later I was sitting outside the church, just bawling.  I heard someone say, ‘Big man, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.  You cry if you need to.’  They didn’t know I was crying because I was ashamed.  His mother told me I was great guy and her son was lucky to have had me as a mentor.  I wanted to die. That’s when I really started drinking and smoking.” He paused and added, “I’ve never told anybody else that story.”

“I hope you’re telling me this because you’re ready to let it go,” I said.

“I’m trying to. It’s been thirty years, but I still feel guilty. I was the team captain.  I shoulda told the coach.”

“You were eighteen, just a kid yourself.  Let it go.”  I hoped he would.

Today I will remember most guilt has an expiration date.

Life on Life’s Terms II © 2015 by Ken Montrose

Freebies

The ebook version of Heroin, Oxycontin, & Other Opiates: Breaking your addiction to them will be available free of charge from Monday March 2nd until Friday March 6th at:
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