Peace

Sue picked up Baby Katie who I had handed off to Roger.  After a few minutes in her mother’s arms, she squirmed and reached for me.

“Oh no, missy,” I said to the toddler.  “You’re not gonna kick me again.”  I picked her up anyway, she was too cute to resist.

I lifted her into the air a few more times, careful to keep her away from my nose.  After, she curled up on my shoulder and went to sleep. Peace washed over me, and I felt the muscles in my face and neck relax.

The Youngstown Kid stared.  I asked if he was OK.

“I, hmmm, I can’t remember being that relaxed without booze or Xanax,” he said, looking away.  At a little over a year sober, he still struggled with restlessness and trouble sleeping.  

I felt bad for him, which made me appreciate my peaceful moment with Baby Katie all the more.

Today I will savor peaceful moments.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Nosebleed

Sue rushed in, Baby Katie in her arms. She handed the toddler to me.  “I’ve had to go for 45 minutes,” she said.  “I got stuck in traffic on the Vets Bridge.”

I pulled Baby Katie’s face close to mine and we rubbed noses. She smiled. I lifted her above my head. She giggled.  I bounced her on my knee. She laughed.

I lifted her up again. She kicked me, under my nose.  Blood flowed.  So did advice on how to stop the nosebleed. Tilt your head back. Pinch the bridge of your nose. Lean forward. Stand in a circle of salt and recite the Greek alphabet backwards.

“Are you OK?” Sue asked after she returned from the Ladies Room. “I’m so sorry.”

I laughed. “Baby Katie’s such a sweet kid, she could take out one of my eyes and I’d still pick her up.”

Today I’ll accept the good with the bad.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Not Beyond Repair

It was a day for celebrations. Trevor’s phone rang, or rather, it started playing a song from Frozen.

“Let it Go is your ringtone?” I asked. Roger and I laughed. The Youngstown Kid shook his head.

“Shut up,” Trevor said. “I lost a bet.”  He answered his phone, listened for a moment and said, “Fantastic!”

“What?” I asked.

“My ex and I put a bid on a house in Wexford.  We got it. We’re moving in when our houses sell.”

Every day at the rehab I saw people heartbroken because a loved one had severed all ties, their relationships damaged beyond repair. I had always thought Trevor’s marriage was one of those. 

I had destroyed more than one relationship when I was still drinking.  I was grateful for those I hadn’t destroyed and those I’d established after I got sober.

“Couldn’t be happier for you,” I said to Trevor.

Today I’ll be grateful for relationships not damaged beyond repair.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Doubles and Halves

Billie and Kim sat down. I sensed something was up. Neither said a word other than ‘hi.’ They looked at each other. Billie tilted her head and made a gesture with her eyes. I didn’t see whatever it was she wanted me to see.

Finally, Billie said, “God, you men are so stupid! Look at Kim’s ring finger.”

We did. Kim had gotten engaged. Hugs and congratulations all around.

“We’re getting married right after Billie and Bo at the courthouse,” Kim gushed. I’d never seen Kim or Billie happier. I remembered the old saying, ‘joy shared is doubled.’ 

Knowing Josh and Cara wouldn’t be there damped everyone’s spirits a little, but the feeling quickly passed as we talked the weddings. Sorrow shared is halved.

Today I will remember joy shared is doubled, sorrow shared is halved.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

That Which Doesn’t Kill Me

The Youngstown Kid, who’d been sitting quietly for the first time since I’d met him, sprang to life.

“Seriously?” He asked Roger. “You want to try again? I’ve got some great ideas for the campaign.” 

Losing the election had only strengthened Roger’s desire to turn the school around. Seeing Roger’s determination strengthened The Youngstown Kid’s.

‘That which doesn’t kill me, may make other people stronger as well,’ I thought.

Today I’ll remember what doesn’t kill me may make others stronger.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Double Down

Roger lost the election, but not by much.  He seemed a little down about it. Trevor told Roger to buck up, even some of his old cop friends voted for him. 

“They’re amazed at how you turned your life around,” Trevor said.  “They think you could do the same for the school district.”

“Think you’ll run again?” I asked.

Roger held out his arms as if her looking at them for the first time.  His tattoos, many of them acquired in prison, included no butterflies or unicorns. He touched the thick scar above his right eyebrow.

 “I’ve been through it,” Roger said.  He smiled, “Once you’ve come back from something, it takes something twice as bad to slow you down.  Boys, I’m gonna run again.”

Today I know I can survive twice the setbacks I’ve survived already.

  

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Limits

Two months later I got a text from Billie. ‘Want to be a witness?’

I texted back, ‘Depends, are you planning to kill someone?’

Billie and Bo wanted a simple wedding with a few friends. Billie’s mother and sister kept adding to the guest list, and arguing with Billie about the ceremony.

‘We’re going to the courthouse. I’d like you and Dr. Deb to come. Afterwards we’ve reserved the back room at that barbeque place on Route 19.’

‘Your mom won’t take this well,’ I texted, ‘but good for you, it’s your wedding.’

‘I didn’t want a big church wedding the first time,’ Billie texted. ‘I’ll be damned if I’ll let them guilt me into doing it again.’

There was a long pause as Billie added to her text.  ‘I always blamed my bitterness on my ex. I’m finally ready to admit part of it came from resenting trying to keep my mother and sister happy. Time to set some limits.’

Today I will set limits.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Smart People

That night Blondie sent Dr. Deb and me an essay to edit.  In the essay, Blondie explained the relationship of real to imaginary numbers in complex variables with respect to x and y, including something about them being analytical.  I read the essay out loud, twice.  

“Who doesn’t know that?” I said to the dog.  She wagged her tail in agreement.  It occurred to me that I understood the math just about as well as the dog did.

Knowing I would never know what any of it meant, I took stock of what I did know. I knew not to pick up the first drink – bad things almost always happened when I did. I knew I was incredibly lucky for the friends and family I had in my life. I knew I had little control over many things, but more control over how I reacted.  The list went on.

Today I’ll take stock of what I do know.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Stepping in Should

The day wore on.  Cara was in jail, and likely to stay there. I was furious with her, sad for her victims, and mad at myself.

Even though I knew better, and had helped many people not do so, I started shoulding on myself. I should have done more to help Cara stay sober.  I should be more concerned for Cara. I should do more to fight drunk driving.

I took a step back and started replacing the shoulds with more helpful thoughts. Nobody can make anybody stay sober. I had done what I could to help Cara.

Cara had been around long enough to know her drinking was likely to end in disaster. She had hurt innocent people. I had every reason to be angry.

Instead of shoulding on myself for what I could have done about drunk driving, I thought about what I could do, starting with focusing on it in my blog.

Today I won’t should on myself.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Precious and Fragile

Trevor called me at work.  Luckily for me the bathroom was across the hall.  I threw up.

Cara’s Mercedes had crossed the center line and hit the little Kia head on.  The mom had unbuckled her seat belt to pick up a toy the toddler had dropped. 

The dad had suffered a concussion, several broken ribs, and a broken jaw.  He’d ruptured his spleen, punctured a lung, and would likely lose part of his liver.

The little girl’s collarbone, leg, and kneecap were broken.  She would limp through life without her mother.

I wondered what they had been doing just before impact.  Listening to a version of “Baby Shark”?  Singing along? Laughing? Had the little girl been crying, and had her mother had tried to soothe her with the toy?

As the holidays approached, there’d be more drunk drivers, more distracted drivers, more impaired drivers on the road.  From experience, I knew a few drinks made it easy to forget how precious and fragile life is. I’d never felt more grateful for being sober.  

Today I’ll remember life is precious and fragile.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Rule of Threes

“There’s a lot of sadness in the world,” I said to Brat Boy. “It pays to follow the rule of threes. Whenever I encounter one reason to be grateful, I try to add two more. It evens things up.”

“For example?” Brat Boy asked.

“Yesterday the gym wasn’t crowded.  I was grateful.  As I worked out, I added two more reasons to be.”

“Less people to see you in your child-of-the-60s, born to be wild, bandana?” Brat Boy suggested.

“No, Mr. White Socks With Sandals, and I don’t care if you call them ‘slides.’ I was grateful the guy who drowns himself in cologne wasn’t there.   No nose hairs falling out as I choked on his dollar store scent.

“I put on my ear buds and turned down the volume.  Princess Yak Yak and the Duchess of Drama were leaving. I wouldn’t have to turn the volume full blast to drown them out."

“Hey Dad, your gratitude seems a little bitter,” Brat Boy said, laughing.

“Gratitude doesn’t have to be puppies and unicorns,” I said.  

Today I will follow the rule of threes.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Family

The next day we celebrated Brat Boy’s birthday.  Brat Boy arrived with a bag of laundry nearly as tall as his girlfriend CharChar.  CharChar brought her smile, which lit up Brat Boy’s face.  He held her like he hadn’t seen her in months.

 TyGuy, Blondie’s boyfriend, came even though he had to be up early the next day for work. Blondie couldn’t have been happier.  She punched  him.  He flinched. “You’re such a baby,” Blondie said. “Are you sure you played football?” 

When my sister BB rang the bell everyone,  including the dog,  ran to the door to greet her.  “BB!” the kids said in unison, happy to see her as they exchanged hugs all around.

I hugged Dr. Deb. “How’d I get so lucky?” I asked her.

“You married well,” Dr. Deb said, hugging me back.

So many people don’t have family, I felt truly lucky to have mine.

Today I will be grateful for family.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

DQ5MBTMH

Two days later I went to Roger’s house to help him pack.  His mother was there, along with Trevor, The Youngstown Kid, Billie and her boyfriend Bo, and Sam.  Kim was still out of town.

I came across a framed document from the Oklahoma Department of Corrections. “What’s this?” I asked Roger, wondering why anyone would frame a DOC document.

“Court order to live in a DOC halfway house for a year,” Roger said.  “They drug tested three times a week. Strict schedule. We ‘volunteered’ to help at soup kitchen."

“Sounds miserable.”

“It was, but after a year, I’d started to like being clean.  I’d never been sober that long, especially not in jail.  It made me live that slogan, ‘don’t quit five minutes before the miracle happens.’”

“I always liked that slogan,” I said, thinking how Billie had found love after two decades of bitterness.  Sam had lost the weight he’d carried for years. Getting pregnant may have been an accident, but Sue had stayed clean. Katie was her healthy miracle baby.

Today I won’t quit five minutes before the miracle happens.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Moving Sale

Roger texted me. He and his wife had decided to sell their house before the divorce.  The election was eating up all his time, and he wondered if I could help him pack some of his stuff.

‘You OK?’ I texted. Roger loved that house.

Roger texted, ‘It sucks, but if you want to move on, you got to move out.’

I knew Roger was texting about the house, but maybe a little more. If you want to move on, you have to move out of your own way.  You get rid of the things that slow you down as you move toward a better place.

I’d had to move out of the drinking life.  Alcohol got in the way of school, my relationships, and my job.  Trevor had to move out of his little shed and into the retail world to get the resources he needed to move on.   Sue had moved out of the bars and backseats of cars to become a good mother.

Cara lived in her fantasy of being the victim of the legal system. She refused to leave her pride behind and listen to people trying to help her.  I didn’t have high hopes for her getting back to solid recovery.

Today I will move out to move on.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Too Much of Anything

The next day Kim asked if I could look after her dogs.  She had been called out of town on business.

Kim’s tiny apartment consisted of three rooms on the first floor of an old house in Shadyside.  I had expected three dogs, but found five instead.  And a cat. And a bowl of cat food set outside for the stray that she hadn’t been able to coax inside yet. 

The dogs barked happy little barks, their tails wagging furiously.  I heard the cat purr as she wound around my leg. “Who wants to go outside?” I asked the pack. More happy barks, louder purring.  I walked through Kim’s kitchen and opened her back door. 

“Her heart’s in the right place,” I said to a pitbull mix named Alice when they came back inside, “but this place is just too small. She’s a dog and a cat away from being an animal hoarder.” 

Today I’ll remember too much of anything is never good.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Good Thing

 “As for Sue and Baby Katie,” I said, “they couldn’t be better.” I showed Dr. Deb a picture of Katie sleeping on Sue’s shoulder.

“Awww,”  Dr. Deb said. “Sue is just glowing, but you take two pictures a year, why this one?”

“It’s tough when bad things happen to good people.  I’m trying to hold onto those times when good things happen to good people. Sue is good people.”

“I don’t remember you telling me much about her.”

I said, “Two and a half years ago she went to a bar and got blind drunk. Bought OxyContin from some guy in the parking lot, had sex with him behind a dumpster, and drove home. She remembers the day because her car got towed.  She’d parked over her mailbox.”

“She sounds like a real saint.”

“She stopped dead in her tracks the day she found out she was pregnant.  No more booze, no pills. She went to all her doctor appointments. Did everything she was told to do. Now she’s the most attentive mother you ever met.”

Dr. Deb smiled. “That’s a good person.”

“Buried under the addictions was a good heart. I’m just happy good things have happened for her.”

Today I’ll celebrate good things happening to good people.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Right Decision

“What about Sam, and Sue and baby Katie?” Dr. Deb asked. 

“Sam is keeping the weight off,” I said.  “He broke off his engagement to Pam and turned down the chairmanship to his department."

“You’ve always been impressed with him.”

“I’ve never met anybody so able to make the right decision when he really wanted to make the wrong one.”

“Like what?”

“He really wanted to take a week off his food plan, but he didn’t.  The chairmanship paid a lot more than he makes, he wanted to take it, but knew he wasn’t right for the position. He turned it down."

Dr. Deb asked, “What happened with Pam?”

“On the one hand, he truly loved the drama that is Pam. He liked playing the long-suffering boyfriend. He knew marrying her was a mistake, and he broke off the engagement.”  

Today I’ll make the right decision even when I desperately want to make the wrong one.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Listen

When I got home, Dr. Deb asked me how everyone was doing. I said, “Billie’s getting married. Kim found someone, Trevor’s getting back with his ex. Roger’s getting divorced again.”

“What about Cara?” Dr. Deb asked.

“She’s slipping away, one Chardonnay at a time.”

“Anything you can do for her?”

“We’ve all talked to her. Billie tried to arrange an intervention, but Cara’s husband canceled it.” I thought for a moment. “When Cara got some serious clean time, she thought it gave her the right to lecture people about recovery. Now she knows she has to listen.  I’m not sure she can.”

Dr. Deb said, “People who don’t listen never learn.”  She pointed to the light fixture I’d had to install twice because I hadn’t listened as she read the directions.

“I’m sorry, what did you say? I wasn’t listening.”

Today I will listen.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/