Tuesday
December 30, 2014

Ready or not

Julie was crying. "He said he’s going to petition for primary custody of the twins.  I didn’t even think he was serious about the divorce until he filed.  Now he wants custody?  How could he do that to me?”

I reviewed her history of relapses.  I tried to get her to see why Darren might want to raise the children on his own.

“I know I’ve relapsed a bunch of times, but how could he betray me? He’s always been a teddy bear, now he’s mauling me over a couple of glasses of wine?  He turned on me, he’s not the man I married, and I don’t think it’s fair!”

"Even a gentle bear can be kicked too many times,” Martell said in a voice I imagined he used to teach a beloved grandchild an important lesson.  “You can’t blame the bear when it turns on you.” 

Kim had a slightly different take on Julie’s lament. “How about you don’t kick the teddy bear because just because he is a teddy bear?  How about you don’t mistreat someone just because he’ll put up with it?  And how about you don’t complain when he’s finally had enough?”

“He betrayed me!” Julie protested.  No matter how it was presented, Julie just wasn’t ready to hear the message.  I told the group to move on, thinking Darren was doing so, even if Julie couldn’t understand why.

Today I will accept some people just aren’t ready to hear what they don’t want to hear.

Sadly, those are the people often left behind.

Relapse Prevention Group © 2014 by Ken Montrose