Worst Case

“I know I shouldn’t be doing this,” Weedman said. “I’ll have the IT guys put a filter on this computer.”

I said, “That’s great, but what if Jackie writes us up for this?”

“Jackie will let this slide.  She’s got other things to worry about. Her husband’s in the hospital. I’ll bet she’s poisoning him.  She jokes about poisoning people.”

“Just because she jokes about doing something doesn’t mean she does it. Wow, do you always assume the worst about people?”

“I do. It keeps me from being surprised and disappointed when they do horrible things.”

“Wow,” I said, shaking my head. “It also leaves you with a really dark view of the world. It kills hope.”

“How so?”

“If early in my recovery I had assumed everyone who claimed to be sober was lying, I’d have had a hard time believing anyone got clean. I would have had no hope I could get sober. Better to assume the best about people, and accept being disappointed sometimes. ”

Today I will assume the best about people.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

That’s Your Opinion

The trouble with addictions is the abnormal becomes normal. Most people caught watching porn at work would immediately exit that site. Weedman had become so accustomed to it, he didn’t.  At least not until after Jackie the HR manager walked by.

“I wasn’t watching, I just stopped by to thank Weedman,” I stammered, sounding like a high school kid telling his parents ‘that wasn’t my weed, I was just holding it for a friend.’

“Read your company policy on inappropriate websites gentlemen,” Jackie said.

“Seriously, I just…” I started to say. Jackie cut me off.

“Men are pigs,” Jackie said. “Although I had hoped you might be different, Ken.”

After she walked away, I whacked Weedman on the back of his head. “I will never convince her I wasn’t watching porn – at work -with you,” I said to Weedman. “Never.”

Today I will accept I can’t control what other people think of me.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Moldy

Later that day I walked past Weedman’s cubicle on my way to get coffee. I wanted to thank him for the huspam advice.  He didn’t hear me approach. Naked bodies filled his computer screen.

“Porn at work?” I asked. “Mold.”

“Mold?” Weedman asked.

“Mold,” I said. “Addictions will mold you. They will creep out of dark corners like mold, growing a little every day. They will mold the way you spend your time. Mold will poison you over time.”

“I know. It’s like a house with that black mold. The house may look as strong as ever, but if you let the mold go long enough, the house becomes unlivable.”

Today I will beware of mold.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

A Good Day

As we were talking, a tennis ball rolled past the entrance to my cubicle.  A minute later Boo trotted past, tail wagging, tongue hanging out. Daniel followed close behind, I assumed to make sure Boo was OK.

“Boo’s got some energy today,” I said.

“She has good days and bad days,” Daniel said. He smiled. “When she has a good day, Boo makes the most of it. She chases the ball. She eats like a horse. She curls up with my girlfriend’s cat. I think she knows she’s going to have bad days.  I wish I was more like her.  I ruin too many good days worrying about bad days coming.”

“Smart dog,” I said. “We should all be more like her.”

I will make the most of the good days.

  

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Hu-Spam

Two days later Drivel stopped by to tell me about the latest Mike Maverick self-help book, “Unlocking Your Kineophesic Energy.” I listened politely and told Drivel I didn’t have time to read.

After he left, Weedman stuck his head in my cubicle.

“You gotta learn to delete the huspam,” Weedman said. “Human spam. They’re human beings. They bug you for a reason. They truly believe in whatever they’re selling.  Or, they think you’re deprived because you don’t drink. They want you to share their politics or religious beliefs, it reassures them they’re right.”

“But?”

“But they’re spam. If you show the slightest interest, they’ll never stop.  You can’t just ignore them. You have to unsubscribe, and sometimes that will hurt their feelings.”

“I have to unsubscribe?”

“You know from addiction, you gotta unsubscribe from things. Stop going to the dentist who pushes painkillers. Avoid the friends who insist one drink won’t hurt you.  Likewise, you gotta tell Drivel you’re just not interested and don’t want to hear any more about it. Unsubscribe, or the huspam may wear you down with their persistence.”

Today I will unsubscribe from the huspam.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Great Sets

When I got home, Brat Boy was unpacking his bag from volleyball practice. He set his dirty clothes on the kitchen table, and I shot him a look.

“I had great sets today,” he said. I laughed. It was a running joke between us.  The first time he told me he’d had great sets, he was thirteen. I didn’t know anything about competitive volleyball, and I misheard him.

“Do you remember our discussion, the one about babies?” I had asked him, trying not to yell and thinking we needed to have another long talk.  He saw my face and laughed.

“Sets, Dad. S-E-T-S.  The setter hits the ball a couple of feet above my head so I can smash it into the floor on the other side of the net.” 

“Oh, that’s different,” I had said, as a tidal wave of relief washed over me. 

Today I will make sure I understand before I react.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Non-participation Trophy

“Getting the DUI when I wasn’t really drunk – kind of a cliché,” he said. “But listen, I need a letter saying I’ve arranged to get counseling. Can you help me out?”

“Sure, give me your email,” I said. “I don’t do direct service anymore, but I can send you some names.”

“I really don’t need to see anyone.  I know what I did wrong. I just need a letter.”

“Do you believe in participation trophies?” I asked.

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asked.

“A participation trophy would be like you going to treatment, doing the bare minimum, and getting a letter of completion. You want one without doing that much. You want a non-participation trophy.”

“Are you going to write me the letter?”

“There’s no non-participation trophies in addiction treatment. I’m not going to write it.  By the way, there’s no participation trophies in recovery.  You can collect AA and NA 24 hour keytags, but if you don’t work at it, you don’t stay clean and sober. 

Today I’ll remember there’s no participation trophies in recovery.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Foul Sot

I got a call from a guy I’d played basketball with in adult summer leagues. He’d gotten a DUI, and had been court ordered to get counseling.

“I blew .10,” he said. “If I’d just skipped that last beer, I’d have been OK.”

“You’ve coached hoops,” I said. “If your player missed a foul shot that would have won the game, and the rest of the team got angry with him, what would you say?”

“I’d say it wasn’t that one foul shot.  A lapse on defense here, a bad pass there, it all put us in that spot where we needed to make that final foul shot.”

“A drink or two too many, here.  Driving home drunk a time or two, there. It all put you on that road where you got caught.  You gotta take a look at your whole life, just like you’d look at an entire game.”

“God, what a cliché,” he said.

“What I just said, or you blaming your DUI on that last drink?”

Today I will look at the whole game.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Worth It

The phone rang. The new boss wanted to talk about the upcoming burnout training.  

“The customers want a discount,” The New Boss said. “We do a lot of business with them. I’ll have to reduce your cut by 25%.”  The company kept two thirds of training fees. I kept the other third as an incentive to drum up more business. I assumed the company and I would both lose 25%.

“I don’t know Boss,” I said shaking my head. “Are you ok with losing 25%?”

The New Boss smiled.  “We won’t need to. Just lowering your part got us to a price they accepted.”

There was a time, when I first got sober, that I would have said OK.  I was beaten down, feeling like I deserved whatever fate dealt me.

For many years after I got sober I struggled financially.  I might have been forced to take less, knowing I was worth more. I would have fallen back on that line from the Serenity Pray “…to accept the things I cannot change.”  

That day I was in a position to bargain.  If I just accepted the pay cut, I’d be denying my worth.  “How about we share the cost of giving them a discount?”  We negotiated from there.

Today I will know my own worth.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Don’t Bug Me

I got up to stretch my legs. Boo walked over to her doggie bed and fell back asleep. I looked out the window across from my cubicle.

A couple of wasps buzzed on the other side of the window. I could see them, but the glass separated us. They reminded me of painful events in my past. I could see them in my mind’s eye, but time separated me from them.  They couldn’t harm me unless I opened the window, if I relived them in my head. 

I could have closed the blinds, but I knew my imagination would take over. The two wasps would become ten, ten times bigger than the ones I saw. Likewise, if I pretended not to remember my past, it would fester and grow uglier.  Better to see the past, know it was a different time and place, and not let it bug me.

Today I won’t let my past bug me.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Boo Boo

Daniel walked past, carrying Boo and a doggie bed. “I hate to ask,” he said, “but can you keep an eye on Boo? I have to go to a meeting in Monroeville.”

“Sure,” I said. 

Boo curled up in her bed until the phone rang. She stretched, shook her head, and walked over to me, and put her front paws on my leg.  I picked her up and set her in my lap. Boo circled twice and laid down across my thighs.

Boo had a scar across her left hindquarters. I noticed a bump on her slightly twisted rear left leg. When I touched the bump she growled and nipped at me.  “Whoa!” I said to the dog, “I’m not trying to hurt you.”  I thought about putting her back into her doggie bed.

My first sponsor once told me to always under-react the first time someone overreacts. You don’t know why they have that sore spot. Don’t let them abuse you, but try to be patient until you know their story.  

My sponsor and I had been at a discussion meeting when a guy named Frank went off on a kid who joked about smoking in bed. He yelled at the kid until the chairman asked him to stop. We found out later Frank was a firefighter whose drinking got out of hand after a child died in his arms from smoke inhalation.

I wondered what had happened to Boo. Had she been hit by a car? Had someone kicked her? I stroked her neck until she settled back down.

Today I’ll underreact the first time someone overreacts.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

One Small Step

“Almost forgot, I want to ask you about these pills,” Brittany said. She put a bottle of Vicodin on my desk. “I got these when I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I’ve been taking half of one for headaches. Didn’t think it was a big deal, but I wanted to check.”

“Kid, they’re not prescribed for headaches.  Taking one is a step in the wrong direction.”

“I’m not taking one, I’m only taking half. It’s half a step, a small step at worst.”

 “There’s no such thing as a small step when you’re moving in the wrong direction.”

Today I’ll remember, there is no such thing as a small step in the wrong direction.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Giving Up

The next day I was back at the office. Brittany walked past my cubicle. I asked her why she hadn’t brought Fluffy to work.

“He got adopted,” Brittany said, wiping away a tear.  “I’m happy he found a permanent home, but I’m gonna miss him.”

“You sad?” I asked.

“Yes, but not about Fluffy.  I had to dump the new guy.  He’s a lot of fun, but completely irresponsible. Maybe a little sketchy.  He’s just not good for me.”

“Sometimes the things that aren’t good for us are the hardest to give up.”

“Like when you gave up alcohol?”

“I was thinking my six donut a day habit, but alcohol works.”

Today I will accept giving up things that aren’t good for me might not be easy.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Softest Pillow

About lunchtime my conscience started to bother me. The agency had reached out to me to do the training, but they had contacted me through my former employer. I felt like I should at least talk with my old colleagues about the training to see if they wanted to do the training with me.

I called Ryan who had replaced me as Director of Training.  He saw no problem with me doing the training on my own. I had been 99% sure that’s what he would say.

I said to the cat, “I mean, it was an ethics training.  Calling him was the ethical thing to do. I had to be 100% certain it was OK.”

My cat stared at me. I knew what he was thinking. ‘If you hadn’t been almost certain you could keep the whole training fee, would you have called?’ I wanted to think I would have called. In any case, I knew I would go to bed that night with a clear conscience.

Today I’ll remember the saying: “The softest pillow is a clear conscience.”

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Ethical Code

The rehab where I used to work forwarded me a letter from an agency looking for an onsite Ethics training.  Every so many years addiction counselors, social workers, and other counseling professionals were required to complete a refresher course on ethics.

Most counselors I knew were ethical. Some resented having to take the same training again and again over the course of their careers. I understood their frustration. On the other hand, kindness and honesty formed the cornerstones of those codes.    Given all the meanness and treachery in the world, it didn’t hurt to be reminded to practice kindness and honesty.  

Today I will be grateful for whatever reminds me to be kind and honest.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Annoyances as Warm-Up

I got up the next day ready to live life like I meant it. I stubbed my toe getting into the shower.  The coffee maker made a gurgling sound and died, I wept bitterly.  I spent half an hour looking for my car keys before I remembered I was working from home that day. 

I thought about how at the gym before I lift a heavy weight, I warm up with much a lighter one. 

“Getting past these annoying things is just a warm-up for dealing with the big challenges,” I said  to the cat.  “Tonight we’ll bury the coffee maker with a brief ceremony and full honors.”

Today I will consider minor problems warm-up for tackling major issues.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Making It

The speaker was an AA regular.  He started his lead by saying, “Meeting makers make it.”

“Meeting makers might only make it to meetings,” Alex whispered to me. “Meaning makers make it. Whatever gives your life meaning, -- church, your kids, your job, your recovery -- the worst thing you can do is go through the motions, like it doesn’t mean much.”

“Why is that the worst?” I asked.

“Because you fool yourself into thinking you’re doing something meaningful, but not getting anything out of it.  People who go through the motions convince themselves life has no meaning. I knew guys in prison who lived more meaningful lives the some of the people I meet every day. I had a cellmate who helped innocent men get their convictions overturned.  He found meaning in his life and he lived it.  Live like you mean it, Ken. Live like you mean it.”

Today I will live like I mean it.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Live and Let Live

When I got to the AA meeting that night I struck up a conversation at the coffee pot with a newcomer named Scott.  

“I can’t do anything right,” Scott said. "I got a DUI."

 I said, “In AA people say ‘live and let live’ meaning don’t get too involved in what other people do or say. It also means live, and let the innocent live.  Driving drunk puts innocent people at risk.   Meth makes people dangerous to everyone. Cocaine fuels corruption and violence in other countries. Heroin funds terrorists.  Stay clean and sober and you won’t put anybody at risk. That's something.”

“I get what you’re saying about drugs,” Scott said, “but I drive back roads late at night coming home from the bar. Nobody on those roads but me. Getting  sober might keep me from getting another DUI, but it won’t do anybody else any good.”  A guy named Alex who had been looking over the donuts turned toward Scott and shook his head.

“Friend, I hope you never have to find out how wrong you are,” Alex said. He’d killed a mom and her twins. They were driving home from a soccer tournament in Indianapolis at 2:00 a.m. when he hit them on back road two miles from their house.  He spent ten years in prison.

Today I will live and let the innocent live.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Some People are Dogs

“You are such a hypocrite!” I said to Daniel the office manager as I passed the conference room on my way out.

“I know,” he said. “I harass Brittany about bringing Fluffy to work.” A little white dog slept on a dog bed in the corner.  Daniel had piles of papers in neat stacks and rows spread out on the conference table. “Boo is getting near the end. I don’t want her to be alone any more than she has to be.”

We heard the jingling of Fluffy’s collar. The pitbull walked over to Boo, nuzzled her, and curled up in front of her on the floor.

A few minutes later Brittany walked into the conference room, and smirked. “He’s such a softy when it comes to dogs,” she said, gesturing toward Daniel and Boo. She reached down to pet Boo, but Fluffy whined.

“Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I could swear Fluffy has been checking in on Boo,” Daniel said. “I think the whining is Fluffy being protective.”

I smiled, “Caring and protective, loyal and playful – you gotta love dogs.”

“It’s true what they say, some men are dogs,” Brittany said, looking at Daniel. “But in a good way.”

Today I will try to be more of a dog.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Negative Traits

Drivel described other discount miracles Mike Maverick offered at the Intellecture.  At first he was just annoying. But then I started to find reasons to be grateful.  Drivel struck me as an odd combination of arrogance and gullibility.  He would believe anything, except the idea he might be getting conned. 

To be sure, I had my own faults. If Dr. Debbie smothered me in my sleep, no jury of her peers would convict her.  But one trait I didn’t possess was gullibility.  If anything, I was a little too skeptical for my own good.

I had to bite my tongue almost every day because of my skepticism. People would say the most unbelievable things, with heartfelt conviction, and I couldn’t bring myself to contradict them.  I annoyed myself by not arguing. On the other hand I doubted I’d ever be gullible enough to have a history-ECTomy.

Today I will be grateful for negative traits I don’t have.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

History-ECTomy

“You missed the Intellecture!” Drivel said, poking his head into my cubicle at the end of the day.  “They were offering discounts on history-ECTomies.”

I said, “I think the word is ‘hysterectomy,’ and I’m pretty sure I don’t need one, no matter how deep the discount.”

“No, it’s a history-ECTomy. You know what ECT is, elctro-convulsive therapy.  Shock treatments.  Mike Maverick had developed a technique using a really mild shock to help fade memories.  You partially forget painful parts of your history.”

“Don’t think I need a history-ECTomy either.  Painful history makes me grateful for right now. It serves as a warning to avoid past mistakes. I like to think the past has given me skills to get through whatever tough times are ahead.”

“Okay, but right now he’s dropped the price for three sessions to $100 each.  When he gets his technique approved by the American Psychiatric Association, the price is going to skyrocket.”

I wanted to ask him how the shock was administered, but decided I was better off not knowing.

Today I’ll try to be grateful for the benefits of past pain.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Focus Pocus

When Weedman left, I let out a sigh of relief. I didn’t mind talking to colleagues, but I had a lot to do, including finding quotes for a training.  Like Weedman I went online looking for ideas on Pinterest. 

When I opened the site, it suggested several boards of motivational quotes, survival skills, how to make mosquito traps from pop bottles, crocheting, short blonde haircuts, worm farming, fitness, building fairy doors on tree stumps, Mediterranean cooking, beard trimming, adult ADHD, and spring crankbait fishing for largemouth bass.

“Focus Montrose,” I said out loud.  I paused over the motivational quotes. An hour and a half later, I knew everything about spring crankbait fishing for largemouth bass. By the time I caught myself, I’d spent half the morning talking to people and the other half reading about crankbait lip size and diving depth. 

“Might as well call it a day,” I said.  “The day is shot.” I thought about going home. Instead I grabbed some lunch. Found a quote site, and printed out several pages so I wouldn’t be tempted to wander all over the internet.  

Today I’ll refocus rather than quit.

Burnout Training ©2018 by Ken Montrose

Burnout Training is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/