Is Now a Good Time?

Sam shifted his gaze from his coffee to his shoes.  “Now I have to break off the engagement.”

A shriek came from the Ladies Room, followed by another, followed by laughter.  Billie came storming out.

“Pam just told us you two got engaged,” Billie said as she smacked the top of Sam’s bald head. “You just broke up with her, now you’re engaged?  Don’t you dare let her get her hopes up any higher than they are right now.  You fix this.”

Cara walked out arm in arm with Pam.  She smiled at Sam. “I’m taking Pam ring shopping. You’ll only have to pay for it.  You can thank me later.”

“The longer you wait, the harder this gets,” I said to Sam. “You’re like the guy who doesn’t get sober after his first DUI and kills somebody on his second.”

“Why isn’t Cara in jail?” Sam muttered.

Today I’ll try to do the right thing sooner rather than later.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Slope

To my stunned surprise, Sam walked in holding hands with his ex-ex-girlfriend, Pam.  When she went to the Ladies Room, I said, “Didn’t you break up just a couple of days ago?”

“We did,” he said, and trailed off.

“Didn’t you say you looked forward to seeing her with all the enthusiasm you’d have for your own autopsy?”

“I know, I know,” Sam said shaking his head.  “We were broken up. I called to see if she was OK. Turned out to be a slippery slope. We got to talking about the few good times we had. The next I knew we were engaged.”

My mouth dropped open. I stared.  “You’re like the guy who goes to the bar to have a Pepsi and ends up on episode of Cops.”

Sam stared into his coffee. “Some slopes are more slippery than others. That’s why you don’t go near them.”

Today I will remember ‘slippery slopes’ are called ‘slippery slopes’ for a reason.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

I See Dots

"I think the universe wants me to have one more drink,” the woman new to the AA meeting said to me, out of the blue.  “I was looking for my missing shoe. When I looked under the bed, I found a bottle of vodka I must have forgotten I hid there.”

“Alcohol messes with your memory,” I said.  “Not sure that’s a message.”

“There’s more.  As I left my apartment building I smelled weed. Kids were probably getting high in our alcove on their way to school.  Driving to work, a tiny airplane bottle of whiskey rolled out from under my seat."

“Still not convinced the Universe is telling you to relapse.”

“Connect the dots.  Call it fate or karma or whatever, but not coincidence. The dots line up – the vodka, the weed, the whiskey.”

“Or,” I said, shaking my head. “Your boyfriend hid your shoe and the vodka.  He put the tiny bottle in your car.  He smoked weed in front of the building knowing you’d walk through the smoke.”

“Why would he do that?” she asked.

“I don’t know you, but let me guess. When you’re drunk he’s more likely to get sex.  You let him control the money and the TV remote.  If you stay sober, you’ll be more in control.”

“You oldtimers are so cynical,” she said.

“Connect the dots.”

Today I’ll be careful how I connect the dots.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Granted

The next night my phone rang. “Turn on the news,” Billie said.  I did.

“Wait,” I said. “Who is that?”

“They caught the guy who’s been messing with Kim’s boyfriend’s car, the one pestering Kim.  He’s wanted for murder in Georgia. They found a knife, duct tape, and rope in his apartment. Police think he was stalking women here to take to them to a house in the woods outside of Atlanta.”

I let that sink in.  “You still there?” Billie asked.

“Still here,” I said. “He could have gotten Kim.  Can’t imagine, don’t even want to think about it.”

I doubted I’d ever have to worry again about someone being kidnapped, but people exited my life in less dramatic ways.  Old age, new jobs, retirement, marriage, divorce, long distance moves all separated people from me. 

I made up my mind to make the most of my time with people, to take no one for granted.

Today I won’t take anyone for granted.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Street Cleaning

Sam and I talked a little more.  “Roger thinks your sister is crazy,” I said.  “We all think his wife is a little irrational, and he’s smart to divorce her. Your sister and I both thought your ex had more issues than a newsstand.”

“Okay,” Sam said. “So?”

“So what did they all have in common? They were all involved with people recovering from addiction.  Do you think it’s possible, even though we’re sober, we drive people insane?”

“I think we have the same issues as everyone else, but we can’t blame alcohol for being stupid. We have to clean our side of the street, take responsibility for our contributions to the craziness.”

I laughed. “I try to clean my side of the street, but sometimes I wonder why Dr. Deb doesn’t poison me.”

Sam laughed too. “Better the devil she knows. Plus, she’d have to pay someone to shovel the sidewalk and cut the grass.”

Today I’ll clean my side of the street.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Decisions, Decisions

‘BTW,’ Sam texted. ‘I broke up with Pam.’

I wondered how I should respond. Thank God? ‘Bout freakin’ time! Take all her stuff to the crossroads at midnight.  Burn them. Pour holy water on the ashes. Never travel that way again.

‘I think you made the right decision,’ I texted.  ‘Call me.’  He did. We talked about all the reasons he’d ended the relationship.  I wanted to make sure he knew he’d made the right decision.

Some days the hardest part of working in the helping professions was watching people make bad decisions, often over and over again.  Seeing a friend or family member do the same was even harder.  On the other hand, watching people change their ways was pure joy.

Today I’ll be happy for people who make good decisions.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Good Choice

Later that night I got a text from Sam. ‘Just finished teaching a class.’ Smiley face.

I texted back, ‘You’re a professor, so I can’t say I’m surprised.’ Puzzled emoji.

‘I made the right decision sticking to teaching, not taking job as department chairman. Spend too much time thinking about bad decisions I’ve made. Gonna wallow in joy of making the right one.’

I wondered how much time I’d wasted thinking about past mistakes. I decided to look at the good decisions I’d made.

Today I will make a list of all the good decisions I’ve made.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Stranger Danger

The next day I presented at a DUI conference. The lunchtime speaker was a retired judge. He pointed out the stranger most likely to kill you was a drunk driver.

As we ate, the guy next to me said, “The real-life murder mystery shows make you think if it’s not someone you know, it’s some sketchy handyman or a serial killer.  The guy who had too many beers on the way home from work is more likely to kill you.”

“Gives new meaning to ‘stranger danger,’” I said, thinking about how much time my friends and family spent on the roads.

Today I won’t be that dangerous stranger.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Shhhhh

When I got home Brat Boy was studying.  Unlike his sister who read with the TV on, the radio playing, and her cellphone on speaker, he studied in a quiet room.  I sat down next to him on the couch.

We didn’t say anything for the longest time, which was unusual for us.

“You OK Dad?” Brat Boy asked.  “You’re awful quiet.”

“You ever heard noise you weren’t really aware of until it stopped?”

“Sometimes the ventilation system at school would turn off and you’d be spooked by the quiet.  Like that?”

“Like that, except it’s the noise of everyday life.  The radio, the news, people hitting their car horns.  Noise that makes no sound like people screaming for attention on social media. Sometimes I don’t realize it’s getting to me until it’s gone.”

He smiled and went back to studying as I sat in the quiet.

Today I will absorb whatever peace and quiet I can find.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Diaper

Sue stood up to change Katie, but I pointed to the diaper bag. “Finish your coffee,” I said. “I got this.” 

“That’s OK,” Sue said, “There’s a mat in the bag, I can change her right here.”

Over the years, local agencies and the EPA have put a lot of time and money into cleaning up ‘brownfield sites.’  These are places were mills stood, built and operated long before environmental regulations were in place.  The ground was often covered by heavy metals, slag, and other industrial wastes.

As Sue unfastened Katie’s diaper, I thought the EPA needed to add another site to their list.

 

I laughed and said, “I’d forgotten how babies turn things as pure as breast milk and baby food into toxic sludge.”

“I had great parents,” Sue said. “They trusted me. I took their trust and turned our home into a drug infested war zone.”

Kim, who’d been sitting across from Sue said, “Booze wasn’t my only problem.  I could take a sweet remark and make it an angry drama that lasted months.”

Other people chimed in, describing their talent for turning good things into sludge.

Today I’ll be grateful I no longer turn good things into diaper filling.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Unfinished Business

At the end of the meeting, Roger said, “Gotta hit the men’s room,” and handed baby Katie to me.  Katie woke up and grimaced. 

Looking over my shoulder, The Youngstown Kid said, “Babies love me, want me to hold her?”  I shook my head and rubbed noses with Katie.  She made a small grunting sound, squeezing her eyes shut.  She started to cry.

In a few minutes she stopped crying and smiled. We rubbed noses again and she smiled some more.  I rested her head on my shoulder. That’s when the smell hit me.

Katie had taken care of business before dealing with me.  “You’re a smart one, yes you are,” I said.  She shut her eyes and I looked around for Sue. 

I’d seen many people falter because of unfinished business.  People relapsed rushing into relationships newly sober, before they’d taken care of the business of early recovery.  “We kissed in the moonlight behind the dumpster at rehab. It was magic…”

Others gave up on marriages, blaming their spouses, without considering what unfinished business they brought to the relationship.  “You’re just like my mother!”

I wondered if I still had some unfinished business to attend to.

Today I’ll try to deal with any unfinished business.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Like it or Not

The Youngstown Kid, self-proclaimed handsomest boy to ever roll out of Blawnox, pulled up a chair in the aisle at the end of the table.

“I’ve decided to make this my home-group,” he said, extending his hand.  “You’ll be seeing a lot more of me.”

Two seats away, Katie stirred in Roger’s arms.  ‘She senses the idiocy and some as yet undeveloped part of her brain is alarmed,’ I thought.

“Wonderful,” I said. Just #$%@ wonderful.  Now I’d have to deal with The Youngstown Kid’s narcissism and need for attention.

I looked at my options. I could change home-groups. I could run him over in the parking lot. I could take the advice I’d given many people; accept that you’re not going to like everyone.

I didn’t want to change home-groups, all my recovering friends were in that one.  If I killed him I’d go to jail.  My fellow Death Row inmates might not be as annoying as The Youngstown Kid, but was I willing to risk it?

I decided to take my own advice.  I’d accept that I wasn’t going to like everyone.

Today I’ll accept dealing with people I don’t like.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Strong and Wise

Sue brought baby Katie to the next Monday Knights AA meeting.  People oohed and awwed and  generally fussed over her.  They passed her around until she ended up in Roger’s arms.

As the meeting started, Katie fell asleep, her head resting on Roger’s shoulder.  I smiled at the contrast. Katie couldn’t have looked more innocent in her immaculate onesie, angel eyes closed.  Scars and wicked tats, some of them from prison, covered Roger’s muscular arms as he cradled Katie.  

He reminded me of something I’d written a long time ago. It takes strength to put some things down, wisdom to know what to pick up instead.  Roger had given up drinking, drugs, and dealing.  He’d picked up a business and sobriety instead.  As he held the child in his arms, I couldn’t remember seeing him happier.

Today I hope to be wise and strong.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Do I Have To?

As we talked, I heard a baby cry.  “Please tell me you’re not babysitting in your shop,” I said to Trevor. “Most pediatricians would tell you babies and woodworking tools don’t mix.”

“Spare me the sarcasm,” Trevor said.  “Sue is here with baby Katie. I have to make her an heirloom rocking chair.”

He choked up a little as he spoke. I started to say something even more sarcastic, but thought better of it. Trevor was back to doing something he loved, for someone who would truly appreciate his efforts. He said ‘have to’ but I knew he meant ‘love to.’

After we hung up, I mentally made three lists. The first was things I had to do, but hated doing.  The second list was things I had to do, but didn’t mind doing.  My third list consisted of things I had to do and loved doing.

I hated all the paperwork needed to get trainings accredited. Researching and writing training materials wasn’t such a burden. Presenting, especially to a small group with a sense of humor, was my favorite part of my job. I was grateful it was something I ‘had’ to do.

Today I’ll be grateful for things I love having to do.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Rome Rebuilt

Trevor called. 

“Did you know 70% of Rome burned in 64 A.D.?” Trevor asked. “Seventy percent.”

“Didn’t know that,” I said.  “Why are you telling me this?”

“Reminding myself Rome wasn’t built in a day, wasn’t rebuilt in a day either.”

“Are you having trouble getting the shop running again?" 

“No, but my ex and I are getting back together. It’s like walking on egg shells, except the shells are glass, and filled with angry bees, and if I step too hard…”

“It’s like when you first got sober, and everybody was mad at you, you were unemployed, and weren’t sure you could stay sober.  Did you ever think you’d get a business going, or get your wife back?”

“Took years,” Trevor said. “Can’t expect to rebuild our marriage in a day.  It was harder to restore Rome because they had all those homeless people to take care of, but they rebuilt it much better. My ex and I have a lot of painful memories, but maybe we can do better this time.”

Today I’ll accept rebuilding can be harder than building, but offers a chance to do things better.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/