Pandemic Bad Sign #13
You envy people on house arrest. At least their probation officers visit them.

Good Times

Route 19 was nearly empty as I drove home.  It reminded me of my home town when I was a kid. All the stores except one pharmacy closed on Sundays.  You could ride your bike up the middle of Main Street, and unless your mother found out, feel perfectly safe. 

To be sure I had some painful memories. But even after all my drinking, I had many good memories. I’d met more than a few late stage alcoholics with big gaps in their memory the filled in with confabulation, no longer sure what really happened.

Today I’ll be grateful for good memories.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Get Out of the Way

Working on a Saturday, I hadn’t expected to see anyone. It seemed like the perfect time to catch up while practicing social distancing.

The office was deathly quiet. I heard a noise, looked up, and almost wet myself.

Miss Rella wore a black mask and green gloves.  She had a tank filled with an evil looking gray liquid strapped to her back, snake-like nozzle clutched in her hand.

“Cindy,” I said, “what the hell is that?”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” she said, the mask distorting her voice. I wasn’t sure is she meant in the building or in the universe. “I’m disinfecting.”

“Can I do anything to help?”

“No, the best you can do is go home.  After I spray this, that’s what I’m doing.”   I wanted to help, but I realized sometimes the best I can do is get out of the way.

Today if I can’t help, I’ll get out of the way.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Bad Sign #11
You've spent so much time watching the tube, TV and real life have started to blur. You'll be OK though because you've formed alliance with the dog and doubt you'll voted out of the house, let alone off the island.

Quarantine Bad Sign #10
You can no longer look down on the 35 year old neighbor living in his parents' basement because you now live pretty much the same life.

Bad Sign #9
You discover washing only your hands encourages social distancing.

Practice

That night I went to bed early.  When I got up the world was much as it had been the day before. I was just better able to deal with it.

“It’s all about how you practice,” I said to the dog.  She yawned. “Prayer, meditation, sober hedonism, diet, exercise, all those things are like practice drills. Life’s game doesn’t change but the things you practice make you better able to play it.

The dog wagged her tail. Clearly she liked what I was saying. “Doesn’t matter how you’ve played in the past. Matters how you practice and play now.”

When I got to my office, I pulled up a poster I’d made for our clients. It read “The Past Will Never Get Better, But You Will.” I added a line to that AA Slogan: “If You Practice.”

Today I will practice.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Quarantine Bad Sign #8
Someone jokingly asks, 'Who would we eat if we ran out of food?' All eyes turn to you, the 'plumpest' member of the family.

Sleep

The next night I stayed up watching Netflix, even though I knew research has shown a connection between Alzheimer’s disease and lack of sleep.  Scientists theorize that while we sleep, the brain rids itself of something called ‘ beta-amyloid.’ If we don’t sleep, it builds up, clogging our brains. 

I was convinced beta-amyloid traveled down our arms and into our hands.  It assumed control of our fingers, especially the middle one, making us quicker to flash it at other drivers. 

Tired people tend annoy others. In line at the McDonald’s drive through that morning, I saw the guy in front of me yawn. He stared at the board over the speaker for what seemed like an hour. 

“It’s been the same damn menu for ten years,” I said to the steering wheel.  

 Finally, he asked, “Does that McMuffin thing come with scrambled eggs?” The voice from the speaker said ‘no.’ He went back to staring at the menu.  I tried to let go of my anger.  I was tired too, and I didn’t think I’d do well in prison.

The world would be a safer, happier place if everybody got more sleep. “Tonight I’m going to do my part,” I said to myself.

 Tonight I will get enough sleep.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

How Well Are You Weathering the Pandemic?
Bad Sign #1: When you heard they were closing the liquor stores, was your first thought 'What will I drink for breakfast?' Bad Sign #2 It's the third day of quarantine. You've already googled 'justifiable homicide' twice. Bad Sign #3 After spending several days cooped up with your teenagers, you order "Exorcism for Dummies." Overnight delivery. Bad Sign #4 You realize you've lost some of your initial zest for cooking as you tell the kids to shut up and eat their hot dog and Cheerios casserole. Bad Sign #5 You've never believed in conspiracy theories but now you wonder. Is the dog a little too happy to have you home? How did the cat get nine lives? Is the vet in on it too? Bad Sign hashtag#5a, for my friends missing their 12 Step meetings during the pandemic: Your daughter asks you to attend a tea party with her dolls. You insist she 'Open with the Serenity Prayer.' She starts to cry when you refuse to drink any imaginary tea until she recites the $%^@ % prayer. She storms out of the room in tears. You yell after her to work a step and call her sponsor...

Bad Sign #6:
The kids ask for a new bedtime story. Your husband spins a tale about the 'Shin Fairies' who live in a forest growing on mommy's legs...

Bad Sign #7
You go up on the roof with a flashlight to attract the attention of aliens. You don't care where they probe you, as long as you get out of the house. BTW: Apparently you're supposed to take your mask off before you walk into the bank, even during a pandemic. hashtag

Shoulding

Before I went to sleep, I checked my messages from work. No good news there. People were cancelling training dates left and right.

Face-to-face trainings were my bread and butter and occupied the majority of my time.  Even trainings I’d done many times required prep work and follow-up. Most years I offered 100 to 150 trainings.  I wrote a blog, did urine drug screens, and corrected stacks of home-study tests. It didn’t leave much time for much else.

And yet, I started shoulding on myself immediately. I should have developed new courses.  I should have scheduled all my trainings for the fall.    I should have done more promoting. I should have focused more on our publications.

“Time to stop shoulding,” I finally said to myself. “Time to retreat, rethink, and then react.”

Today I will stop shoulding on myself.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

The Company We Keep

After dinner, I went upstairs to read a little before I went to sleep. Dr. Deb joined me. At one point she noticed me smiling and asked what I was thinking.

“You’re good company,” I said. “I’m grateful for that.”

Dr. Deb laughed and said, “I’m falling asleep, I won’t be keeping you company for long.”

“That’s when I like being with you the most,” I joked. “When you’re sound asleep.”

Dr. Deb gave me a much deserved elbow to the ribs. I started a mental list of all the people whose company I enjoyed.

Today I’ll be grateful for good company.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Isolated and Connected

When I got home Brat Boy was online.  I looked over his shoulder to see a split screen with a professor in the corner explaining complex physics equations that magically formed and changed.  Discussion from the class appeared along the bottom.

Brat Boy turned and smiled. “I love this class,” he said. I knew he meant the material and his classmates.

I texted Blondie.  She was texting someone else, monitoring a class on her laptop, and watching Netflix with her roommate Stefania. 

Dr. Deb was on a conference call with colleagues from across the country, discussing the mental health system’s response to the coronavirus.

“We may be isolated, but we are connected,” I said to the dog.

Today I will be grateful for connectedness.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Take a Break

The prosecution rested their case a day later, just before lunch.  The judge dismissed us for the day.  I assumed he gave us the afternoon off  so the two sides could iron out procedural issues in his chambers. Instead, he said, “We all need a break.”

It had been a difficult trial. People were worried about the virus, the economy, and their future.  Listening to the details of the crash hadn’t lightened anyone’s mood.

 

I remembered something I’d heard at a conference on work addiction. People who refuse to take a break tend to break first.

Today I will give myself a break.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Adapt

Two days later they moved the trial to lecture hall at the community college to allow for social distancing.  The jurors sat four seats apart. The prosecution and defense were spread out at long tables in the front of the room, while the judge sat at a desk on the stage.

Most of the jurors adapted to the change of venue without comment. I told Shane and Co I liked the new arrangements, I had room to stretch my legs.

Mr. So Serious, the juror who had chided the others for laughing, complained loudly. The lighting was bad, the seats were too small, and he wasn’t close enough to the stage.

“People who adapt are so much happier than people who whine,” Shane said.

Today I will adapt.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

One Whatever

With the trial on hold, I went to work. Ms. Rella had been right, the work had piled up. Because of the corona virus, people didn’t want to go to trainings or Twelve Step meetings. Orders for home-study courses and recovery books filled my desk.  Trainings had to be rescheduled.

I stared at the pile for minutes, wondering how I could justify dumping the work on the interns. I couldn’t. Maybe I could fake my own death.

Finally, I organized the piles and got to work.  “Some things you have to do one whatever at a time, one day at a time, to enjoy something better for days to come,” I said to my laptop.   I started a list:

• One chemo treatment at a time to later enjoy one day at a time.
• One difficult class at a time to use the knowledge one day at a time.
• One grueling practice at a time to enjoy a long season, with memories that last a long time.
• One more restless day in early recovery to enjoy many days sober.

The list went on.

Today I’ll get through one whatever at a time to enjoy something better for a long time.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

This Too Shall Pass
The phone rang. Caller ID read ‘Butler County.’ Now what, I wondered.

The trial was being postponed because of the corona virus. The plan was to move the trial to a lecture hall at the community college to allow for social distancing.

I’d given Shane my cellphone number. He called to see what I thought of the situation. He seemed worried about more than the trial.

“I got badly burned when I was a kid,” I told him. “I spent three months in the hospital. Whenever I have to face something bad, I remind myself that I got through it. Whatever happens, someday, probably sooner than I think, I’ll be looking back on it. This too shall pass.”

“This too shall pass,” Shane repeated. “Hope you’re right.”

Today I’ll remember this too shall pass. 

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Good Example
The next day was Saturday. Blondie came home wrestling with a year’s worth of laundry.  I helped her fold.

After I folded about twenty t-shirts, I picked up one from a school far away. “Where’d you get this?” I asked.

“That’s Stefania’s.  She does her laundry every time her hamper gets full. When I run out of t-shirts, I borrow one of hers.” I folded ten more of Blondie’s shirts.

“How about this one?” I asked, holding up an XXL sweatshirt.

“That’s TyGuy’s.  He does his laundry every two weeks, like clockwork. I steal his stuff when it’s clean.”

“You ever thought of following their example, maybe doing your laundry on a regular basis?”

Blondie laughed, and said to the dog, “Daddy and his crazy ideas.”

Today I won’t waste a good example.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Supposed To

That night Brat Boy, Dr. Deb, and I were watching a movie.  Brat Boy said he was supposed to meet his friend SemiColin later.

“Aren’t you supposed to clean your room tonight?” Dr. Deb asked. Whenever I opened Brat Boy’s door, I half expected to see a landfill, complete with bulldozers moving piles of trash, rats scurrying about, and gulls overhead looking for fresh garbage to pick at.

Brat Boy shook his head, “March Madness was supposed to start soon. It’s been canceled.  Mom, you gotta accept things don’t always work out the way they’re supposed to.”

He had a point. Things don’t always work out the way they’re supposed to. Getting upset about it didn’t help.

While he had a point, Dr. Deb had the glare, that look mothers have that frightens even grown children into doing what they’re supposed to. Brat Boy cleaned his room.

Today I will accept things don’t always work out the way they’re supposed to.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

REI

Shane saw me rubbing my wrist and said, “RMI?” I drew a blank. “Repetitive motion injury.  I’ll bet you use a laptop.”

“I’ve been using mine at home at night,” I said.

“If you use the same muscles over and over again, especially at an odd angle, something little like typing or scrolling can injure them.”

“Have you had an RMI?” I asked.

Shane laughed. “No, but I have repetitive emotion injury. I’m always trying to twist my life to make my girlfriend happy.  Mostly it’s little things like watching her TV shows, or listening without being listened to.  It wears me down.”

“Why do stay with her?” Co asked.

I answered for him. “The pain hasn’t gotten bad enough.  People build up a tolerance for emotional pain the way they build up a tolerance for drugs.” I looked directly at Shane. “I waited until my whole life hurt before I quit drinking,” I said. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Today I won’t wait for the pain to get worse.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Could be Worse

While we were at lunch I texted Ms. Rella at work. She told me things were piling up on my desk. I cursed under my breath.  Shane’s phone buzzed.

“No, you’re right, that’s just mean,” he said a few minutes after saying ‘hello.’

Another pause, Shane said, “I don’t know if I’d call that ‘evil.’  He held the phone away from his ear. We could hear the caller yelling at him.

Shane listened, and then said, “Oh c’mon, terrorists?” Again, he held the phone away.

“Who was that I asked?” after Shane said goodbye.

“My girlfriend.”

“Is she in law enforcement?” Co asked. I guessed she might be a corrections officer.

“She teaches second grade,” Shane said.  Suddenly my paperwork didn’t seem so bad.

Today I’ll remember it could be worse….

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Buggy

By noon that day I was painfully aware of how many people needed the services of an entomologist/proctologist.  I took a deep breath, and decided not to let their issues spoil my day. Instead, I called an old friend, texted my children, and joked with our intern.  Doing so made letting go of any budding resentment much easier.

Today I will not let other people’s bugs bug me.

AArdvarks (A daily message recovery novella) is free this week:
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Dicey

We entered the courtroom a little after 10:00. The prosecution’s medical expert explained in detail how Deiter’s girlfriend died.  He argued that had Deiter hit the brakes sooner, the angle of impact would have been different. The girl might have survived.

I looked at Deiter. He had gone pale, his face a mask of anguish and pain.  No matter what the outcome of the trial, he would live with his guilt the rest of his life.

I put myself in his shoes. He was at a party with his girlfriend. They weren’t drinking heavily, but they were drinking.  She wanted to go home. He knew he shouldn’t drive, but he didn’t feel drunk. He thought there was only a slim chance anything bad could happen.

He rolled the dice.

Today I won’t roll the dice.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Bad Habits

Co had brought a box of pastries from her husband’s coffee shop.

“I’m trying to cut back on donuts,” I said when Co asked if I wanted one.  I said ‘donuts’, but meant to say ‘sugar.’ Diabetes ran in my family.  I was struggling once again to limit my intake of a substance I was sure fell from the wings of angels.

“They’re not donuts, they’re pastries,” Co said.  I stared at the icing, sprinkles, chocolate chips, and powdered sugar. 

‘She’s got a point,’ that inner voice that justified all bad habits said.

“One can’t hurt,” I said, knowing, for the duration of the trial, I would devour whatever donuts/pastries Co brought.

Today I’ll beware of how easily bad habits take hold.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Excerpt from: Meditations for the First 30 Days: How Not to Become Roadkill on the Highway to recovery

Lesson Two

Marsha and Sally are good friends.  Marsha likes to listen to nature, her eyes closed, and her feet in a cool stream.  Sally likes to watch Monday Night Football, cursing like a sailor, and throwing popcorn at the screen.   Sally is often too hoarse to talk the morning after a big game.  Marsha tells Sally to seek an inner peace, away from the noise and chaos of modern life.  Sally tells Marsha to get a life.  After a game Sally will sit on her couch for an hour, too content to move.  

Today I will look for peace in noisy places.

God, I won’t ask you to help my team.  Just let me squeeze all the joy I can from the game, knowing that I can have fun without chemicals.  (Did I mention their quarterback often takes Your name in vain?)

Meditations  for the First 30 Days is available from: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Why So Serious?

The next morning we sat in the jury room while the judge and the attorneys ironed out a legal issue.  Some of my fellow jurors stared at their phones, getting in the last minute of screen time before they had to surrender them. A few joked around in the corner.  A man too young to be so cranky let them know the trial was serious business.

Co rolled her eyes. I just shook my head. I’d seen his type before.  They puffed themselves up, trying to be in charge, when they really needed to relax.  Life was hard enough without draining the humor from it.  

Today I’ll be only as serious as I need to be.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Comfort

The next day ADA Bartles wanted to show us pictures from the crash.  Deiter’s attorney objected, saying the jury knew what had happened and didn’t need to see them.  The ADA argued the photos would show the angle of impact and other details, giving us a clearer image of the crash scene.

The judge allowed us to see the photos.  The bailiff lowered a large monitor mounted on the wall beside the judge.  An image of two wrecked cars filled the screen. Several graphic and disturbing images followed.

Deiter hung his head and looked as if he was about to cry.  A strange thing happened. Deiter’s girlfriend’s mother, who was sitting directly behind Deiter, put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.  The judge gave her an understanding but firm look, and she pulled her hand away, sitting back in her chair.  She started to cry.

I wasn’t surprised she didn’t seem to blame Deiter.  I was moved she could comfort him in depth of her grief. I doubted I wondered if there was somebody in my life who could use a comforting word. 

Today I will find someone who could use a comforting word.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Doggone

Brat Boy switched to the sports channel. A beer commercial came on. Young people played on the beach.  Drinking beer had given all the men washboard stomachs. The women stood up perfectly straight to avoid tipping forward and implanting themselves into the sand.

“You ever miss drinking?” Brat Boy asked.

“Sometimes,” I said. “But, I know I’m like that dog in Aesop’s fable.  He finds a bone and he’s happy as hell until he comes to the river.  The dog thinks his reflection in the water is another dog with a bone.  He tries to get the other dog’s bone and drops his own into the water.”

“You can have this life or you can have the booze, but you can’t have both,” Brat Boy said.

“In my teens and my twenties life threw a poor kid a bone. I dropped it chasing an illusion. Won’t do that today.”

Today I’ll hold onto what I have.

 

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Right

“How’s the trial going?” Brat Boy asked as we sat in the living room, watching the news.

I told him the trial was sad, but I liked my lunches with Shane and Co.

I said, “So Co’s husband is Roose. Roose brings a meal to this guy Deckman every day.  Deckman lives in a tent under his deck because he’s too paranoid to go into his house.”

“How long has Roose been doing that?” Brat Boy asked.

“Years and years and never even a ‘thanks’ for his trouble.  Co says he does it because it’s the right thing to do.”

We watched the news. Refugees fleeing the bombing of civilian targets. Money stolen from charities. Children living in deplorable conditions.

Brat Boy said, “Good to be reminded people still do the right thing just because it’s the right thing to do.” He changed the channel.

Today I will do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.

Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Surprise!

As I walked through my front door, I saw my son Brat Boy was home from college. I tousled his hair.

“You didn’t pay for that haircut, did you?” I asked.

“No, you did,” he said. Touché.

“Why are you home on a weekday?” I asked. He told me he had a little break in his studies and wanted to surprise his girlfriend CharChar.

‘We have no control over life’s nasty surprises,’ I thought, ‘ but we can always choose to be someone’s pleasant surprise.

Today I’ll be someone’s pleasant surprise.

’ Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/