Pandemic Lockdown Bad Sign #43
Maybe she truly thought you needed
the power back on while you installed a ceiling fan. Maybe she was
getting tired of all the togetherness…
Thursday, April 30, 2020
Shelf Regard
As I sat down to write the group notes, I thought about
books in my mental library that I was constantly tripping over. They needed to
be shelved and forgotten:
- “Ken’s Giant Book of Regrets”
- “I Should Have Said: Volumes I - III”
- “Mountain Climbing Molehills”
- “What If: A glimpse into the worst possible future.”
There was nothing new to learn from the worn and torn pages
of these books. I shut my eyes and imagined putting them on a shelf in a remote
section in the deepest, dustiest part of my mental library.
Today I will shelve the books I trip over.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters
and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Wednesday, April 29, 2020
Listen Like a Librarian
At work the next day, I filled in for The Other Ken, running the morning group. An older woman sat quietly throughout the session. At the break I encouraged her to join the discussion. She said she liked to listen.
“Some people aren’t really listening,” she said. “Some people listen only long enough to disagree. I listen like a librarian.”
“I don’t follow,” I said.
“I listen and store away what I’ve heard, like books on a shelf. Every now and then I have to rearrange the books. I had volumes on how I could drink socially. I moved them from the reference section to fiction.”
I wondered if I needed to listen more, and if I needed to rearrange some of the books on my mind’s shelves.
Today I will listen like a librarian.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Tuesday, April 28, 2020
Listen Like a Librarian
At work the next day, I filled in for The Other Ken, running
the morning group. An older woman sat
quietly throughout the session. At the
break I encouraged her to join the discussion. She said she liked to listen.
“Some people aren’t really listening,” she said. “Some
people listen only long enough to disagree. I listen like a librarian.”
“I don’t follow,” I said.
“I listen and store away what I’ve heard, like books on a
shelf. Every now and then I have to
rearrange the books. I had volumes on how I could drink socially. I moved them
from the reference section to fiction.”
I wondered if I needed to listen more, and if I needed to
rearrange some of the books on my mind’s shelves.
Today
I will listen like a librarian.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Moment by Moment
We finished dinner and watched a movie. I started to wonder what might happen to
Deiter. Brat Boy laughed and snorted about something. It brought me back to
that moment.
At the moment, I was sitting in a comfortable chair, with
people I loved, watching a funny movie. I was warm, well fed, and comfortable.
Thinking about the trial wouldn’t change anything, it would only rob me of a
chance to relax.
Today
I will stay in the moment.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Monday, April 27, 2020
Let It Go
“Are you OK?” Dr. Deb asked.
I said, “He was guilty, just hate to see him go to jail.”
“Can you do anything about it?”
“No. Nothing.”
“Then let it go,” she said. “You like lists. Write a list of
things, big and small, you let go. Then
add the things you need to let go.”
Brat Boy said, “Put Blondie on the list. It’s time you let
her go. Push her out of the nest. Move me into the bigger bedroom. Get on with
our lives.”
“How about I let you both go?” I asked. “Combine your rooms
into one giant master suite?”
Brat Boy snorted. “Blondie’s right about one thing, you do
have some crazy ideas.”
Today I will let go of something.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Sunday, April 26, 2020
Saturday, April 25, 2020
Friday, April 24, 2020
Adapt
When I got home Dr. Deb and Brat Boy were eating lunch. Dr.
Deb had been working from home, Brat Boy finishing his freshman year at Pitt
online. I was still going to work, developing online recovery materials.
Many people I knew were going to online AA meetings, adapting
to the situation. Others were sinking. I didn’t judge them. Sinking is much easier
than adapting, but it saddened me they were missing out.
Adapting had hidden benefits. Being optimistic, I predicted
when the quarantine was over, some people would continue working from home,
cutting down on traffic, improving air quality.
In my neighborhood more people were out walking. Some of them would keep walking, especially
when we could stop and talk, and pet each other’s dogs.
The list went on.
Today I will look for the benefits of adapting.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Thursday, April 23, 2020
Connectors
As we left the courtroom I wanted to hug Co and Shane, and
shake hands with the other jurors. Because of social distancing I couldn’t.
“Y’all stop by the coffee shop as soon as it reopens,” Co
said.
Shane said, “You know I will,” and smiled.
“Only if I get a free cup of coffee,” I said. “And a refill.
I’ll definitely need a refill.”
Co glared at me. “This isn’t one of those things you say
you’re gonna do, but know you probably won’t. Don’t make me send Roose out to
get you.”
I promised I would be there as soon as Roose’s coffee shop
reopened. As we got into our cars I thought ‘Co is a connector’. Like Dr. Deb,
she kept people together. Where would we be without them?
Today I’ll be grateful for the connectors.
I Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Wednesday, April 22, 2020
Happy Now?
The judge asked if we’d reached a verdict. I stood and said
we had. I handed the clerk a form we’d filled out.
She read the verdict in an almost toneless voice. Probably
she’d read hundreds of verdicts.
I didn’t know if I was supposed to sit, but I had to.
“We the jury find the defendant guilty…”
The judge said a few words and set a date for
sentencing. My heart sank. We’d done our duty as jurors, but there
wasn’t much to be happy about. A good kid was likely going to prison.
I’d learned a long time ago that expecting to be happy all
the time led to being less happy more of the time. As best I could, I accepted my sadness. A moment
would come, sooner rather than later, to count my blessings and move on.
Today I might not be happy all day.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Decisions, Decisions
The next day we deliberated for most of the morning. By
lunch we’d reached a verdict. As I
looked around the room, I saw most of the jurors seemed relieved but sad. In an
odd way, I was glad the law forced us to make a decision.
I thought of friends who had been in an on again/off again
relationship for the more than a decade.
Neither of them could commit, neither was happy with the situation.
I’d met many people over the years who were in and out of
recovery. You couldn’t say they relapsed because they’d never made the decision
to quit. They didn’t enjoy drinking anymore and they never learned to like the
sober life.
Today I will make a decision and stick to it.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Monday, April 20, 2020
Carpe Diem
Brat Boy joined us in the living room. “Last class done,” he announced. “Finals next
week and this year is over.”
Blondie was graduating in a few weeks. Brat Boy had almost
finished his first year. It didn’t seem possible. The day before I had been
swinging her by her ankles, putting him in his crib.
“It’s the cliché of all clichés,” I said, “life goes on,
time flies.”
“It does go by fast,” Dr. Deb agreed.
“From now on, wearing a mask, I’m going to seize the day in
my gloved hands. I’m gonna make the most of the day, virus or no virus, because
time flies regardless.”
I will seize today.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Sunday, April 19, 2020
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Friday, April 17, 2020
I Get It
Dr. Deb finished her call and sat beside me.
“I get it,” I said softly, mostly to myself.
“Get what?” Dr. Deb asked.
“Why my dad would always ask if whoever I was dating was
good company. He loved being with my
mother and wanted the same thing for me.”
“It took you this long to figure that out?”
“It’s one thing to know something, another to live it, to
fully understand it.”
I hugged her and kissed her on the top of her head. I added,
“Even though I quit drinking before I was thirty, I knew I had a problem long
before I quit. It wasn’t until I hit that sheriff’s car that I finally
understood the depth of my problem.”
Today I’ll be grateful for finally understanding.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Thursday, April 16, 2020
Rest
We deliberated until dinner.
When I got home, Brat Boy was monitoring his online Physics class. Dr.
Deb was on a conference call.
I sat down and
reached for the TV remote. Like a lot of people, I’d gotten accustomed to the
mental tiredness of the online, 24 hour news cycle, Netflixed life. Watching TV was a reflex.
The cat curled up in my lap.
His purring made me think about his contentment. When he wasn’t bringing live chipmunks into
the house, he rested. He basked in the
sun. He stretched what needed to be stretched, cleaned what needed to be
cleaned, but mostly he rested.
I put the remote beside me and shut my eyes. It had been a
long, emotionally charged day. Rather than watch another true-life crime show,
I let my mind rest.
Today
I will rest my mind.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Wednesday, April 15, 2020
Above and Beyond
George, a short, elderly man with snow white hair, said, “I
have a visiting nurse. Little snip of a girl, couldn’t be more than 25. Called
me on her day off to see if I needed groceries.”
Sue said, “Aww, she reached out to you, went above and
beyond her job description.”
“Some people do that in hard times,” George said, smiling. “You
wouldn’t know it to look at me, but I’m getting up in years. I’m grateful for people who go above and
beyond to help me.”
Today I’ll be grateful for people who go above and beyond.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
Reach
Co pulled her hand away from Sue’s arm, and slid her chair
back the required six feet.
“I’m so sorry,” Co said. “You seemed so upset. It was just
reflex.”
Sue smiled. “No big deal.
You’re the first person to reach out to me since this all began. I’d hug
you if I could.”
The jury room went quiet for a moment. I wondered if people were
wondering what I was wondering; who should I reach out to?
Today I will reach out to someone.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Monday, April 13, 2020
Too Funny
We ordered lunch. The
restaurant got most of the order wrong. A
woman named Sue started to laugh, in a scary, ‘I’m about to commit a felony’
sort of way.
“What’s so funny?” Co asked, her voice a mixture of
curiosity and concern.
“There’s mustard on my sandwich,” Sue said, laughing even
harder. “I ordered mayo.” Co put a reassuring hand on her arm.
Sue continued, “My business is tanking. We had to cancel my
daughter’s wedding. My son saved just
enough money to tour Italy. He’ stuck in a hotel in Venice. And, there’s mustard on my sandwich.
“That much going wrong all at once? It’s so bad it’s funny.
It truly is. I’m tired of crying, I’m going to laugh instead. It’s my way of
giving the pandemic the middle finger.”
Today I’ll laugh instead.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Friday, April 10, 2020
Common Ground
The jury split into two camps. The first argued Deiter was a
nice kid, but the law was the law. He should accept his punishment. The second felt Martin was mostly, if not
completely, at fault. They wanted an acquittal, arguing Deiter had suffered
enough.
I wanted to go home, but I started looking for common
ground. We all agreed Deiter seemed like a good kid, and that he had suffered.
We asked the judge for clarification on the charges.
Starting from common ground didn’t eliminate arguments, but
it reminded us we had much in common while we discussed our different opinions.
Today I’ll agree on some things before I disagree on others.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Thursday, April 9, 2020
Good People United
I hadn’t wanted to be foreman because I thought
deliberations would be a colossal headache.
Maybe because of the virus, I was in a dark place expecting the worst of
people.
Running therapy groups, I’d dealt with monopolists who
steered every conversation to themselves.
I’d struggled with followers whose self-help guru was the absolute
authority on all things. Nothing other
group members believed really mattered to them.
I recalled whiners, jokesters, people who never spoke, and
group members who could put a sexual spin on any discussion. My mood sank with my memories.
To my amazement, none of these problem personalities
emerged. The jurors let Mr. No Humor he wasn’t in charge and got on with
deliberations.
I’d forgotten how many times I’d seen good people united in
purpose help each other cope, grow, and
triumph. I was glad to be reminded.
Today I’ll be grateful to be reminded what good people united in purpose can do.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
Who’s Responsible
We started deliberation by picking a foreman. Shane
nominated me because of my experience with drug and alcohol issues. I told my fellow jurors I didn’t want to be
foreman.
Mr. No Humor, I’m In Charge Here announced he would be happy
to be foreman. He ran the third largest
chain of Hallmark stores in the tristate area. Certainly he could manage a jury,
he informed us.
They elected me anyway. The knot in my stomach was joined by
a pounding in my temples.
If the corona virus had taught me anything, it was I had to
accept more responsibility. I had to go out of my way to make life safer for
everyone. Staying home wasn’t too much
to ask. Neither was being foreman for a couple of days.
Today I will accept a little more responsibility.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Tuesday, April 7, 2020
Of Flow and Flush
The defense rested its case. The judge explained our duties and
sent us back to the jury room to deliberate. My stomach knotted up the moment
we sat down.
Deiter was a good kid who’d made a bad decision. In my youth
I’d made that bad decision hundreds of times.
His girlfriend’s mother had obviously forgiven him. What purpose would it serve to send him to
jail?
On the other hand, a girl was dead. We had laws against
drunk driving for a reason. Being a good kid wasn’t a get out of jail free
card.
Part of me just wanted to go with the flow and see what the
other jurors thought. I knew going with the flow had gotten Deiter in trouble. He
went to the party to keep his teammates happy.
Sometimes the flow starts with a flush.
Today I’ll remember the flow often starts with a flush.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters
and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Monday, April 6, 2020
Right Place Whatever the Time
The defense presented their case the next day. Deiter was
over the legal limit, but not by much. Other factors played a role in the
crash. Martin, who’d accepted a plea
deal, was much more at fault.
The defense argued that Deiter was a good kid in the wrong
place at the wrong time. I thought he’d already been to the wrong place when he
was at the party. Had he gone to a ‘right
place,’ any right place, he might not have been at the intersection at the
wrong time.
On the other hand, I thought, he could have been hit by a
drunk driver coming home from church or football practice or a movie theater. Still,
had he been sober, he might have avoided in the accident. Coming from the right
place might have made a difference.
I thought the right place wasn’t always a place. Sometimes
it was a state of mind, like being calm in the face of adversity, or being
prepared for a disaster. Coming from the
right place made all the difference.
Today I’ll try to be in the right place.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Saturday, April 4, 2020
Friday, April 3, 2020
Mudder in the First Degree
After dinner I got a text from an old friend. He was a year
sober and thought he might have a glass of wine or two just to get through the
day. ‘I’m surviving a pandemic. I think I’m entitled to a drink .’
I texted him ‘You are a mudder. You will sink.’ He replied with a question
mark.
I explained that some people are wreckers. They crash into
things, literally and figuratively. They
wreck cars, marriages, and other people’s lives. Unlike wreckers who hold onto their sanity
and health, flame-outs quickly destroy their bodies and minds. They tend to die young.
‘A mudder,’ I texted, ‘is someone who sinks into their
addiction. They reach a plateau in their
lives and never go higher. Functional alcoholics like you are almost
always mudders. They go to work, they come home, sink into their couches. They waste their talents.’
I added. ‘Having
nothing to do is mud and mud is all around you now. Avoid the mud, find something.’
Today I’ll
avoid the mud.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Thursday, April 2, 2020
Chipped Ham, Tomatoes, and John Wayne
We had ham barbeques for dinner, my mother’s recipe. Dr. Deb smiled at me as I finished eating.
“Reminds you of your mom, doesn’t it?” she asked.
I said, “She and my dad a way of making the simplest pleasure seem like the best thing that ever
happened to you. Good sandwiches, a TV movie – especially a Western, popcorn
and apple cider, maybe fresh tomatoes from somebody’s garden. They raised appreciating everyday stuff to an art form.”
“That’s a good skill to have when you’re locked in your
house,” Dr. Deb said.
“Ice cream and Netflix for dessert?” I asked.
Today I’ll focus on the simple pleasures.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
Perspective
On the way home I heard an interview with a former military
leader. He said Winston Churchill’s great gift was putting things in
perspective. In 1940 when Britain was on
the ropes, Churchill made no dire predictions, offered no rosy promises.
Churchill told the British people Britain would never
surrender. He didn’t need to tell them life was going to be grim, but he did
need to assure them they would survive.
When things started to look up, Churchill said, “Now this is
not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the
end of the beginning.” Tough times still lay ahead, he was saying, but there’s
light at the end of the tunnel.
The coronavirus was not a world war, but I knew things were
likely to get worse before they get better.
On the other hand, they would get better.
Today I will put things in perspective.
Jury Duty © 2020 by Ken Montrose
Jury Duty is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the
characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/
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