Novella

NYE

Brat Boy stopped by to watch a movie. I asked him about his plans for New Years Eve.

“You always worry about NYE,” he said.  

“People who don’t drink a lot, drink a lot. People who drink a lot, drink even more,” I said. “Bad things happen.”

Brat Boy sighed. “I guess you see the aftermath in the rehab.”

“The police and the hospitals see it first.”  

He watched the movie. I thought more about NYE.

“Then there’s that group of people plan to quit drinking on January 1^st,” I said after the movie was over. “They want one more night, going out with a bang.”

Brat Boy guessed where I was going with this. “That bang turns out to be an explosion. They blow up their lives.”

“The explosion rips through other people’s lives as well.”

 

No message today, just a wish for people to stay safe over the New Year.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

 

 

Novella

 

Just For Today

Later that night I was watching TV in bed with the cat on my lap and the dog beside me.

Thinking about the big change I’d made got me thinking about small changes I’d like to make.

I’d put on a little weight over the holidays, mostly from snacking.

“Tomorrow,” I said to the cat, “and maybe just tomorrow, I’m not going to eat between meals.”

The cat looked doubtful, but the dog wagged her tail with enthusiasm.

I looked at the cat, gestured toward the dog, and said, “That’s why the dog is my favorite.”

 

Today, I’ll make one small change, and stick to it, if only for today.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 Promises, Promises

When I got home I discovered my daughter Blondie had been home, looking for something in the cabinet.

I knew this because everything that had been in the cabinet was now on the counter, including a shot glass she’d gotten for me on a grade school trip to the zoo.

To her it had been a cute little glass with a tiger face on it.  To me it had been a reward for keeping a promise to myself.

Long before she was born I had promised myself I was done drinking. I’d kept that promise, one day at a time, for decades. 

My daughter had never seen me drunk. I’d never let her down because I was hungover. She’d never heard the booze say an angry word to her.

I laughed remembering she’d had no idea why giving me a shot glass was funny.

I thought of all the people I knew who’d reaped the rewards for keeping promises they’d made to themselves.

Today I’ll keep the promises I’ve made to myself.

 

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 Wobble, Wobble

The day after Christmas I got a text from an AA newcomer saying he didn’t drink over Christmas, but I had no idea how much he wanted to.

I begged to differ, remembering a time when I wanted a drink almost as much as I wanted my next breath.

I wrote back telling him wobbling was natural. ‘You may wobble, but don’t fall, at least not today.’

Not long before, I had asked my group to list their wobbles, things they weren’t going to do, even if they were afraid they might.

I smiled remembering some of their answers.

I won’t break my diet today, but I will freeze the cookies in case a famine breaks out.

I won’t lose faith.

I won’t buy anything I don’t need being sold on TV, even if it is on sale, and there’s only ten left,  so help me God.  

I won’t drink.

I won’t set my teenage son’s room on fire, no matter how messy it is today.  

At the end of the group we’d agreed that if you stood on wobbly legs long enough you’d make them stronger. You’d stop wobbling.

 

Today I may wobble, but I will stand.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 Novella will return on Tuesday, 12/27. Enjoy the day! 

Novella

 

Happy Humbug!

Instead of working on my novella, I started the next day’s blog.

The holidays were fast approaching, and I tried to write something cheery and upbeat.  I wanted to include whatever holidays people who read my blog were likely to celebrate.

‘Whatever you celebrate, have the best holidays any human being has ever had since the dawn of time!’ seemed cheerful, but a little wordy.  I tried to shorten it, but couldn’t come up with anything I liked.

I settled on “Happy Holidays!’ not feeling so happy I couldn’t write anything original, but sincerely hoping people really did enjoy their holidays.

My inner grinch awoke in a foul mood, even for an inner grinch.

‘Add something about not winding up in the hospital, jail, or divorce court because of the dumb things you did after your fifth eggnog,’ he said.

I told him to shut up. He told me he hoped some low-hanging mistletoe poked me in the eye. I told him he was jealous because I was tall and he was imaginary.

Our argument ended when I agreed to add a warning to my holiday greeting.

“Happy Holidays!” (Don’t do anything you’re going to regret.)

Today I hope people enjoy their holidays without doing anything they’ll regret.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 

Push

A friend who annoyed and inspired me by succeeding in just about everything he did texted to see how the novella was coming along.

I texted ‘fine.’ He asked me to define ‘fine.’ I wrote back that fine could be a financial penalty for bad behavior, or refer to the size of particles, or …’

He sent me a laughing emoji, and asked me to define ‘equine posterior’ because that’s what I was being.

I told him the word count. Not a big number.

He told me in a nice way to put my posterior in a chair and write.

Over the years people had pushed me in different ways. I’d almost always resented them at first, but was happy later if I did what they suggested. 

Later that night, after I finished writing another chapter, I told my laptop I’d try to be grateful for people who pushed me, even if they were annoying.

Today I’ll try to be grateful for people who push me.

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 

Proud

I texted her back to say I was proud of her. Even though she described herself as a follower, she’d stopped following her family’s pattern of daily drinking.

She responded with an eye-roll emoji, and ‘It’s your job to tell people you’re proud of their progress.’

‘True,’ I texted back, ‘but that doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.’

She didn’t answer right away. I continued. ‘Forget about me. How about you make a list of reasons to be proud of yourself.’

She sent a smiling emoji. ‘I can do that,’ she wrote. ‘But I don’t want to become arrogant.’

‘Pride doesn’t become arrogance until you start looking down on others. Be proud.’

 

Today I will make a list of reasons to be proud of myself.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 

Moooving On

The next message was from a woman who’d gone through the rehab.

She was struggling to stay sober, living with her alcoholic family. She knew what I was going to say. We’d had this conversation in person.

‘Lead, follow, or get out of the way,’ I wrote.

If you’re a leader, break off from the herd and head in another direction. Set a good example and people may follow.

If you’re a follower, who doesn’t like where you’re being led, you have to get out of the way, either following a different herd, or grazing somewhere else on your own.

‘Your herd is stumbling toward a cliff.  Time for you to move onto greener pastures.’

She sent a laughing emoji, and wrote ‘Not crazy about being compared to a cow.’

 

Today I will lead, follow, or get out of the way.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 

Help

The next message I saw was from someone offering to help me with book sales.

I started to delete it, always preferring to do things on my own. I wondered if maybe, with a little help, I could top the lousy $24 I’d made in royalties the year before.

“I don’t know,” I said to my laptop, still a little hesitant to seek help. “Do I really need expert advice on this?” I thought of times I had.

When I tore something in my knee, I saw an expert to fix it.

When hail damaged the roof, I trusted an expert to fix that.

“When I was struggling to stay sober,” I said to my laptop, “I went to AA to learn from the experts. That turned out well.”

 

Today I’ll accept expert help and advice.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 

Sex, Violence, & Sobriety: The Untold Story

When I got to work I had a ton of text messages waiting for me. I decided to weed out the least important ones first.

I started with one from an old acquaintance who thought I should add more sex and violence to my blog. I pondered how that would look in a blog about recovery.

“Oh baby,” she purred, “I love when you talk sobriety to me.”

Or, “He won’t pick up that bottle no more with ten broken fingers.”

He thought I could add more followers if I spiced things up.  I thought it more important to tell my story, whether people liked or ignored it.  Experience had taught me people pleasing was a losing proposition in the long run.   

Today I will write my own story.

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

Effort

The next morning I read what I’d written.

I had intended to write at least a page, but had only written about three short paragraphs.

“Not as much as I wanted to,” I said to the cat as I filled his water bowl.  He gave me that ‘I asked for milk’ look. I ignored it.

“But maybe, given how tired I was, I should be happy with the effort I made.”

The cat ignored me. He walked away, stiffening his back legs for a step or two. It’s how cats flip you off.

 

Today I’ll consider the effort as much as the result.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
 

Novella

 

Play the Tape Through

I moved to my bed, sitting upright on top of the covers, laptop resting on my thighs. The dog had followed me onto the bed.

“I’m gonna slide under the covers,” I said. “Not the whole way, just my up to my knees.” 

The dog looked skeptical. She didn’t need to remind me I had a hard time staying awake once I slid under the blankets.

I knew what she was thinking – ‘Play the Tape Through,’ a slogan that suggested predicting what would happen this time based on what happened before.

Suppose you got blind drunk the last three times you planned to have a beer or two. The next time you went out for a couple of drinks, you’d be wise to Play the Tape Through first.   You’d recognize there was a strong possibility you were kidding yourself and would wind up drunk again.

“This is different,” I said to the dog. “I’m really excited about writing this. I’ll stay up.”

Sometime during the night I woke up. Dr. Deb had put my laptop away. The dog stirred, and looked at me with a canine ‘I told you so’ face.

Today I’ll play the tape through.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

 

Stalled

Later that night, I sat down to write. Our dog sat on my lap, ready to help with the editing.

Fifteen minutes in, I shook my head.  “Gotta be ready for the stall.”

Our dog cocked her head to the side, not sure what I meant.

“Weight lifters flip those huge tractor tires to build up their upper bodies. At some point they switch from an underhand to an overhand grip.”

The dog cocked her head the other way.  I explained further.

“A lot of times that’s when their momentum stalls. They gotta either try harder or let the tire fall back down.”

She wagged her tail. She got it.

“Smart lifters psych themselves up, preparing for the stall, deciding they’re going to push through no matter what.”

More tail wagging.

“People succeed when they prepare for the stall. They accept they’re gonna be a little lonely after they get out of a bad relationship, they’re gonna be a little hungry on a sensible diet, they’re gonna miss whatever drug they give up, at least at first.”

The dog nudged me. Time to stop thinking about the stall and write through it.

Today I’ll prepare for the stall, and push through it.

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Novella

Success
After Blondie left, I thought about our conversation.  It struck how much happiness rests on the way we define success.

If I defined success as cranking out 100 rambling pages my family advised me to either never show anyone, or publish under a pseudonym, I wasn’t likely to be happy in the long-run.

Likewise, if I defined success as writing a best-seller, winning a Pulitzer, and selling the moving rights, I was likely to be a just a little disappointed.

If I defined success as writing something I could be proud of, I was most likely to be happy.

Looking at my life, I realized I was happiest when I did more than I had to, the best I could, without beating myself up for not being perfect.

 

Today I’ll be careful how I define success.

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

 

 

 

Novella

 

Beware the Nevers

My daughter Blondie had stopped by to drop off her chinchilla for my wife and I to babysit.

“Heard you’re starting another novel,” Blondie said, hugging me.

“I am,” I said. “Maybe not a full-length novel, more of a novella."

“Beware the nevers,” she reminded me. We started listing them.

“Telling yourself you’ll never succeed is a way to guarantee you won’t.”

“People who never try never have a word of encouragement for people who do. Never listen to them, Daddy.”

“Never mistake self-doubt for a reason to stop once you’ve begun.”

The list went on.  I thought about all the people I’d known who got past the nevers to change their lives.

As she was leaving, Blondie said, “Never tell Brat Boy I am, and always will be, your favorite child. It would break his poor, deluded heart.”

 

Today I’ll get past the nevers.

 

Novella is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Fawlty Showers 2

 

Something Else

Corporate couldn’t make the building manager let me bring DD to work. Nor could they bring back all the people who had left.  I was getting close to retirement age.

I remembered some advice my first sponsor gave me, “You heard that saying, if there’s nothing you can do, you do nothing?”

I had nodded.

“Sometimes you’re better off doing something else.”

I had told him I didn’t follow.

“Too many people who can’t do something, do nothing but miss whatever they can’t do. It’s a misuse of acceptance.”

I had gotten his point.

“Accept you can’t drink, but don’t be a dry drunk, making everyone around you miserable because you miss alcohol.  Find something else.”

He had nodded.  “You’re not drinking.  What are you doing instead?”

I had started playing basketball again, while working on getting back to school. I had begun writing.

Remembering that conversation made me realize it was time to start something new.  I sent Randy a message saying I wanted to cut back on my hours. I had a novel to write.

 

Today I will start something new.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

Fawlty Showers 2

Now Is The Time

That night I took DD home, put his cage in the basement, and considered my options.

Years earlier, I had switched to running because all the stopping and turning in basketball was wearing on my knees and ankles.   Later I switched from running to riding my bike because the pavement wasn’t doing my joints any good.

I was glad I’d made those changes when I did.

On the other hand, I’d known I had a drinking problem a few years before I quit. I did a lot of damage in a short amount of time.

I knew a friend or two who stayed in bad relationships way too long, wasting more than a decade of their lives.

“The trick is to make the changes sooner rather than later,” I said to DD.  

Today I’ll make the changes I need to make.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible

 

Fawlty Showers 2

 

What’s in the Box?

A month later Dana and Katy were both gone.

Corporate announced they were moving us to a bigger building they had leased. Our new landlords made it clear DD the Bunny was not welcome.

Randy and his boss at Corporate tried to argue that DD was an emotional support rabbit. No dice.

As I cleaned out DD’s cage, missing Dana and Katy, angry with the landlords, I had an idea.  I poured DD’s litter into a small box and addressed it to the building manager.

I almost mailed the box, but realized I was just making a bad situation worse. I might feel less angry, but I’d look like a spoiled brat, unable to accept not getting his own way.

“Can’t let my anger make a bad situation worse,” I said to DD.  He shrugged his shoulders, as if to say, ‘Why not?’ Rabbits have notoriously poor judgment.

Today I won’t let anger make a bad situation worse.

 Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers 2

Never Ending

Two weeks later Dana announced she had been recruited by another rehab.

“Gonna miss you,” I said. “You’re a big part of why this place works so well.”

She laughed, “I’ll miss you, but I’m sure Fawlty Showers will be fine without me.”

I hugged her, a little sad knowing an era was ending.

After she left, I turned to DD the Bunny and said with a sigh, “All good things must come to an end, or so they say.”

His ears twitched. He disagreed. I thought about it.

“Maybe you’re right,” I said to the rabbit. I recalled all the years I’d had with my parents after I got sober. I remembered how they’d loved  Dr. Deb, Brat Boy, and Blondie, how happy they were to spend the day at our house.

They were gone, but the memories stayed with me, always bringing a smile to my face.

Today I know really good things never come to an end.

 

Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

•                     www.greenbriartraining.com  

•                     https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S