71. Not Making the Cut

Anne poked her head in my door, looked at me, looked Howard, and said, “Men. You all suck.”

 “I’m not disagreeing,” Howard said, “but what makes you say that?”

“I looked up my baby’s daddy on Facebook.  He’s married.  Has adorable twin boys and a beautiful wife.  He never mentioned them while he bought me drinks that night.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

“I thought about getting drunk.  Then I thought about murder, maybe castration and murder, maybe murder by castration.”

“Let’s set that aside for now,” I said. “You’ve heard the expression ‘first things first’?”

Anne nodded, and said, “I’m going to put my daughter first, and since we’re a team, put me first as well.  I’ll stay sober, I won’t smoke, but if it’s in her best interests, I will confront him.”

“You can always cut him later,” Howard said with a smile. 

Today I will put first things first.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

70. Go With The Positive

The next day Howard came to my office with two cups of black coffee.  He handed me one and sat down.  After a long pause he said, “She told me last night she used birth control the whole time we were married.  Planned to stop if I got my act together, but I never did.”  

“Why do you think she didn’t tell you?” I asked.

“’Cause I might have talked her into getting pregnant.  I would have told her a kid would straighten me out, make me want to drink less.  I’d have been just another guy hangin’ out at the bar, talking about how much he loved the kid he hardly ever saw.” 

“How do you feel about that?”

“I was grateful and I was pissed.”  He shook his head, stared at his shoes, looked up at me and added, “I decided to go with grateful. Might as well stay positive.” 

Given a choice today, I’ll go with the positive.

 Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

69. On Thin Ice

I spoke at a high school the next day.  At the end of my presentation I asked for comments and questions.  A young man in a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey raised his hand.

“While I would never drink or do drugs,” he said in an exaggerated tone that caused several teachers to roll their eyes, “I know lots of people who do. Nothing bad ever happens to them.”

“You like hockey?” I asked.  He nodded.

“Suppose you were going to play on a big lake. If the ice broke as soon as you stepped on it, you’d jump back on shore. The trouble is sometimes, maybe even most times, the ice doesn’t break until you’re over deeper water.”

He smiled and said, “Nobody I know has fallen in.”

 “Nobody near you has fallen in, but across the lake you see people disappearing into the ice. How smart are you to continue skating?”

Today I’ll remember if the ice cracked near the shore nobody would fall through.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

68. Looking Good

Later that day I walked past the small group room where The Other Ken had our clients deciphering AA/NA slogans.  Felix asked me what the slogan ‘don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides’ meant.

“What do you think it means?” I asked, not wanting to do their work for them.

Felix said, “Your intestines will never look as good as their skin?”

“It’s easier for your neighbors to have nice lawn than for you to keep your house clean,” Howard guessed.

“Don’t look at skinny people after you’ve put a thousand calories into your belly?” Roy joked.

“You guys are a riot,” I said.  “It means don’t compare how you feel to the way other people look.  Just because someone has money or a nice car doesn’t mean they’re any happier than you. Measuring how they look against the way you feel is apples to oranges.”

Today I won’t compare my insides to other people’s outsides.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

67. Walking

The next day Felix told the group how the nurses had Margaret up and walking three hours after her surgery. 

Howard said, “Here’s what I don’t understand. Margaret had surgery, so right afterwards they got her up and walking.  She had to show she could handle it, that she wouldn’t slip and fall.  My disease, if you want to call it that, developed in a bar.  I think I should go back to the bar to prove I can handle it, that I won’t slip.”

I said, “Going back to work after rehab is like walking after surgery. Both enhance your life.  Going to a bar after rehab is like walking on an icy sidewalk right after a hip replacement.  You should avoid doing either because they won’t enhance your life.  And a slip could be a catastrophe.”

Today I will do things that enhance my life.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

66. Second Chances

Margaret had her surgery the next day.  Felix stayed with her until they wheeled her into the operating room. He was still sitting with her husband when she came out of surgery.  He got the older man coffee, checked with the nurses for updates, and left only to donate blood. A nurse assumed he was their son, and said they’d done a good job raising him.

Felix, who had broken his parents’ hearts many times pursuing his addictions, was reminded of the good son he had once been.  “They did,” he said, meaning his own parents.  “I’m grateful they gave me a second chance,” he added, this time referring to Margaret and her husband.

Today I will be grateful for second chances, whoever or whatever the source.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

65. The What If Game

The next morning I asked Margaret how she was holding up.  She was scheduled for surgery the following day.

“I was worrying myself sick,” Margaret said, “then my husband and I played the ‘what if’ game.”

“The ‘what if’ game?” I asked.

“When I’m worried, I come up with horrible ‘what ifs.’ He answers with a wonderful or a silly what if.  I asked him, ‘What if the surgeon’s drunk and operates on the wrong hip?’ He said, ‘What if the surgeon’s so good you’re dancing the next day?’ I asked, ‘What if I’m allergic to the anesthesia, have a stroke, and you have to take care of me 24/7?’ He answered, ‘What if a side effect of the anesthesia is an uncontrollable desire to cook gourmet meals for your husband wearing nothing but a short apron?” Margaret blushed a little and laughed.  “I think he spent too much time at sea.”

“Sounds like a great game,” I said.

“If you’re gonna dwell on bad what ifs, you might as well think about the good ones too.”

Today I will play both sides of the ‘what if’ game.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

Greenbriar Treatment Center & the Meadville Medical Center present:

Ethics In The Helping Professions

A training to benefit Operation Troop Appreciation http://operationtroopappreciation.org/

Friday, November 11, 2016 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. $50*

At: Meadville Medical Center 1034 Grove St., Meadville, PA 16335 (814) 333-5000

Accredited for Six Hours for/by:

• Addiction counselors : Pa. Certification Board 
• Counselors: NBCC #6352& NAADAC #85689
• EAPs: EACC #SSGRNB1215-T13 • Nurses: PSNA #110-1-O-16
• Social Workers: in collaboration with the University of Pittsburgh School of Social Work 

By the end of this presentation participants should be able to:

• List the basic principles of ethical care in the helping professions.
• Explain the rationale behind ethical codes, e.g. why we should avoid dual relationships with our clients.
• Describe why good counselors go bad.

About Your Trainer: 

Ken Montrose, MA, CADC is Greenbriar’s Training & Publications Director. He has worked in the mental health/substance abuse field since 1986, mostly helping people overcome co-occurring disorders. He has written extensively about addiction and mental illness. 

Training Site:

Meadville Medical Center 1034 Grove St., Meadville, PA 16335 (814) 333-5000

Register: 

Online at http://greenbriartraining.com/index.php/event/3-hour-training-series-greenbriar-robinson-2?eID=55

Questions? 

Ken Montrose ✧ (724) 993-4581 ✧ kmontrose@greenbriar.net

*All Proceeds Donated to Operation Troop Appreciation

64. Phobophobia

I presented a training that afternoon on anxiety and addiction. Part of the training was about phobias.  To my surprise half the room said they were afraid of spiders.  This included two people who had served in the military, a former ER nurse, and a guy who looked like he could bench press my car.

I said I was a little embarrassed to admit I didn’t like being anywhere I couldn’t leave, such as planes, trains, or boats.  “And I pass out sometimes when I get my blood drawn.”

“Don’t be embarrassed,” a young woman said. “Half the country has developed coulrophobia.  Do you know what that is?” I did.

Today I won’t be embarrassed by my fears.    

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

63. Time Takes Time

“You didn’t say anything about Howard,” I pointed out. 

The Other Ken smiled and said, “He had coffee with his ex-wife.  They didn’t talk about what happened between them, or getting back together.  They talked about dogs.”  His smile broadened.

“Am I missing something?”

“He’s not rushing things.  He’s letting them unfold.  Big step for him.  Howard told me he’s trying to live that slogan ‘time takes time.’

Today I will remember time takes time.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

62. Friends, Sorta, W/O Benefits
“What’s up with Roy?” I asked.

The Other Ken said, “Now that he’s sober, Roy sees his daughter’s an amazing person, his wife not so much.  He doesn’t know what to say because he feels he owes his wife for sticking by him.”

“Are you recommending marriage counseling?” I asked.

A sad look crossed his face as he said, “I already did, but he rejected it.  Roy’s plan is to settle into the loveless, roommate kinda marriage his parents had.  He thinks most marriages are like that, but people pretend they’re in love because they can’t face reality.  Roy says we’re lucky if twenty years into a marriage it’s ‘happily tolerable’.”

“I know it’s what he grew up with, but that is so sad,” I said, making a mental note to tell my wife how lucky I was to have married her.

Today I won’t accept ‘tolerable.’

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

61. Decisions, Decisions

“So what’s up with Anne?” I asked.

“Anne’s got a difficult decision to make,” The Other Ken said. “She’s debating whether to tell her hook-up he’s the father. She was half toasted when she met him in a bar, and barely knows him.  She took him home on a whim.  Now she wonders what kind of dad he’d be.  Maybe he’s a horrible person, or he’d want custody.  On the other hand, she thinks he has a right to know.”

Today I will remember hasty decisions often lead to difficult ones.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

60. Golden Opportunity

The Other Ken went on, “Felix got a job offer from an indie music producer.  He’d be on the road nine months a year.  He doesn’t think he’s been clean long enough to take the job, but doubts he’ll ever get an offer like this again.”

“So what did the group say?” I asked.

“Howard told him to look at pro athletes coming back too soon from an injury for the opportunity to play in the big game.  A lot of times they get really hurt and miss opportunities down the line.  They don’t get to enjoy good health after their careers are over.  He told Felix it’s only an opportunity if you’re ready for it.”

Today I will remember an opportunity is only an opportunity if I’m ready for it.   

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

59. Contagious Courage

The next day I noticed the group seemed unsettled.  I asked The Other Ken about it at lunch.

He said, “I don’t know where to start. Margaret slipped, hurt her hip, and need’s the surgery sooner.  She’s scared to death.”

“That sucks,” I said.

“It does. There’s a silver lining. She’s going to have the surgery anyway.  The rest of the group really sees how she’s pushing through her fear.  I think they’re feeding off her courage as they look at their own issues.”

Today I will be grateful for the example set by brave people.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

58. One Thing At A Time
On the drive home the car in front of me drifted across the center line several times.  I thought ‘DUI’ until I noticed the driver looked down as he left his lane. 

“He’s texting and driving,” I said to myself.  “He’s gonna get hurt because he can’t stay in the present moment, he can’t stick to the task at hand.” I thought about people I’d counseled who’d lost jobs, custody, or relationships because they couldn’t focus on the here and now.  They wanted to fit drinking into the work schedule.  Their kids acted up because it was the only way to get attention from an addicted parent.  Relationships ended because they were more concerned about getting high than making their loved ones happy.   

“You can’t do two things at once,” I said to myself. “Especially if booze or drugs is one of those things. 

Today I will focus on the here and now.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S