Sunday, February 29^th, 2020

Alcoholics Unanimous

My wife wasn’t really late for work.  We were getting dressed for a retirement party. We planned to take two cars. If the party turned out to be an Alcoholics Unanimous meeting I wanted to be able to leave early.

Alcoholics Unanimous was that small group of people committed to everyone drinking.  There were several types. The Just Ones, Just Once folks believed everyone could drink socially if they tried. They wanted you have just one, just once more.  As a crude friend once said, “For us alcoholics, social drinking is like cuddling with a hooker-- just teasing, not pleasing. And a waste of money.”

Glass Slippers were the reason you never put your cup down. They might slip a little booze into your glass to help you get started.  They were convinced they were doing you a favor, showing you a drink wouldn’t hurt you.

Be Happy Fairies seemed to flutter around every party. No matter how happy you seemed, they were convinced you could be happier. They saw getting you to drink as their sacred duty as host or hostess.

My last encounter with a Social Lube Job was at a graduation party, sitting on a couch, tie loose, shoes off, contented smile on my face, listening to friends reminisce.  The graduate’s cousin appeared, bottle in hand, freshening up drinks.  After the fourth time I refused, he told me I needed to loosen up. 

Any time I heard the words ‘you think you’re too good to drink with us, I knew an Angry Flaskhole was about. Like the clock striking midnight, that phrase told me it was time to leave, no matter how early.

Today I’ll avoid Alcoholics Unanimous members.

2020 Vision ©2017 & 2018 by Ken Montrose

2020 Vision is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/