32. Training Bro

As I looked around the room, I saw a lot of familiar faces -- corrections and probation officers from a nearby county, addiction counselors, case managers, school social workers, and nurses – people who’d been attending my trainings for years.

We took a break halfway through the training and exchanged how-my-urine-got-dirty stories.  I heard some old favorites:  ‘There must have been weed in the church bake sale brownies,’  ‘I was reaching for an Advil and grabbed a Xanax by mistake,’ ‘I hid a baggie of my kid’s urine in my underwear, not to beat your test, but to see if he was getting high,’ and my new favorite, ‘My roommate made coffee out of bong water without telling me.’

I didn’t see them enough to call them close friends, but they were my favorite acquaintances.

Today I will be grateful for my favorite acquaintances.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

31. A Connoisseur of Criticism

The next day I presented “When Even the Voices are Hungover,” the first in a series of ten trainings on helping people deal with both mental illness and addiction.  Some people came to that training because they were interested in the topic.  A few people came to all my trainings. They were like old friends and I looked forward to seeing them. Others attended because they needed the credits to maintain a license. 

The woman sitting in the back, arms crossed, scowl on her face, angry before I even spoke, was part of a fourth group.  She was required to take the training, resented it, and had decided to vent her anger on me.

Early in my career I would have worked hard to make her happy.  Instead I smiled at her and went on with my training.

Over the years I had become a connoisseur of criticism.  There was the truly constructive criticism from people who wanted to help me do better.  I was grateful for them. Other criticism was competitive, a desire to be ‘one up’ on the trainer.  This criticism I put to good use, knowing competitive criticism was often accurate.   The last thing the competitive critic wanted was to be proven wrong.

Any criticism I might get from the scowling lady would be more about her issues than mine.  I would read her evaluation, but not take it to heart.  

Today I will be a connoisseur of criticism.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

30. Practicing Patience

“Did I tell you I might get fired?” Gerry asked.  I shook my head.  He continued, “So I’m at work in my uncle’s store. A woman in Delaware calls with questions about our air purifiers.  She says, ‘Your brochure says it’s approved in all states.  Including Delaware?’”

“I say yes, it’s approved in Delaware.  She asks me if it runs on house current.  I say yes.  She asks if that’s regular house current, like people have in their houses.  I say yes.  She asks if you just plug the unit into the wall. I say yes, again.”   

“She wants a discount.  I ask if she’s a veteran, a senior citizen, or has certain medical conditions.  She says no, but she thought she might get a discount just because.  I could feel my patience slipping away.  I want to say we don’t offer ‘just because’ discounts, but I tell her I’m sorry, she doesn’t qualify. “

“She asks if we’ll share her payment information with anyone.  And that’s when I ran out of patience.  I told her I’d immediately forward her information to an identity thief in Libya.  I said he’d use it to make passports and to open credit cards.  He’d hack into her computer and send the most graphic porn ads imaginable to her and everyone on her contact list.”

“Oh, not good customer relations,” I said.

“Which brings me to my point,” he said.  You said recovery takes patience, and I’m not sure I have enough.”

“Patience is a virtue,” I said, “But most people learn it through practice. Sounds like you practiced it for as long as you could.”   

Today I will remember patience is a skill that requires practice to master.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

29. Shape-Shifting Billionaire Sex

“Have you thought about writing a ‘Fifty Shades of Gray Wolf’ type novel?” Gerry asked. “You could go back to writing your kind of book later.”

“Honestly,” I said, “I’ve thought about writing all kinds of things just to see if I could sell more.”

“So why don’t you?”

“Because I’d rather struggle with something I love, than succeed at something I don’t.”

“And you’re not sure you’d be good at writing about shape-shifting billionaire sex?” he asked.

“That too,” I answered.

Today I will do something I love, even if it’s a struggle.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

28. Stepping Out

“What do you think about my story?” Gerry asked.

“I like it.  You should polish it and look for an illustrator.  Publish an eBook through Amazon and maybe send it to a traditional publisher.”

Gerry hesitated before saying, “I couldn’t do that.  I’d feel funny.  What if people hated it?  I could take rejection from a publisher. Only I would ever know. But if I put it on Amazon and nobody bought it, I’d be really embarrassed.”

“So you want to publish, but you’re hesitating because you’re afraid of embarrassment? Listen, I hesitated publishing a novel for the same reasons.  Now it’s on Amazon and gets outsold 1,000 to 1 by books about shape-shifting alpha male billionaires into bondage. Titles like ‘Fifty Shades of Gray Wolf.’ So what? I stepped outside my comfort zone and that felt brave.  Every now and then I sell a copy, and that feels great.  So much of life is outside our comfort zones.”

Today I will step out of my comfort zone.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

27.  How Bats Went Blind and Bunnies Got Big Feet: Part 3

As Hawk held Rabbit’s ears in his talons, the weight of Rabbit’s grape-filled belly stretched his ears and body.  Bat flew behind Rabbit and grabbed him by his tail.  Rabbit’s tail broke off.  Hawk lost his grip and dropped Rabbit, pulling up just in time to miss the barn.

Bat wasn’t so lucky.  He crashed headfirst into the building, knocking himself out.  He woke up lying next to Rabbit, beside the barn.  Rabbit was crying.  “Look at my tail!  Look at my ears!  The fall flattened my feet! I’ll never climb a vine again.  I’ll have to hop around eating grass!  It’s not fair, I just wanted a grape!”

Bat tried to look at Rabbit, but crashing into the barn had almost blinded him.  He could see just past the end of his nose.  He started to say something to Rabbit, shook his head, and shuffled down the path toward his home. With a tear in his eye, Rabbit asked him, “Where are you going? Why are you walking?”

“I can’t fly in the day,” Bat said. “I wouldn’t see Hawk and his friends hunting me.  I’ll have to fly at night and hide in the caves until dark.” He shook his head a second time, and walked away.  Rabbit never saw his best friend again.

Today I will remember a single mistake can have lifelong consequences, for me, and for others.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

26.  How Bats Went Blind and Bunnies Got Big Feet: Part 2

Gerry continued telling me the fable.  Rabbit couldn’t believe his luck.  The vineyard’s grapes were plump and hung low on the vine.  Thick leaves hid him from Hawk’s view.   He smirked at his friend Bat, who frantically waved for him to come back.

Looking up to see Hawk, Rabbit saw instead the biggest, plumpest, juiciest bunch of grapes in the vineyard.  No leaves hid this bunch.  Rabbit hesitated for a second.  If Hawk caught him, he’d grab Rabbit by his ears, carry him high into the sky, and drop him.  Fear made Rabbit want that bunch of grapes even more.  He climbed the vine as fast as he could.  “I’ll grab this bunch, and be gone before the Hawk even knows I’m here.”

And his plan might have worked, except once he ate one grape, he couldn’t stop himself.  Soon his belly was full, but he kept grabbing grapes and gobbling them down.  He never saw Hawk diving toward him.  Rabbit screamed in pain as Hawk’s talons pierced his ears.  With a groan and a flap of his wings, Hawk lifted Rabbit from the vine.  A moment too late, Rabbit wished he’d never eaten the first grape.

Today I’ll remember the AA slogan: ‘One is too many, and a thousand is never enough.’

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

25.  How Bats Went Blind and Bunnies Got Big Feet: Part 1

“What’s your book about?” I asked Gerry.  He told me the fable of Bat and Bunny. 

One day Rabbit and Bat were walking down the road.  In those days rabbits had small feet and ears.  Bats were known for their keen eyesight.  Rabbits were known for loving grapes a little too much, which is why Rabbit spotted the open gate to Farmer’s vineyard.  

Bat knew what Rabbit was thinking.  He reminded Rabbit how he’d gorged himself last time he’d had grapes.  He pointed overhead to Hawk flying slow circles, guarding the vineyard.  “My friend,” Bat said to Rabbit, “For all you know, Farmer is sitting on his porch with his shotgun on his lap.”

Rabbit thought for a minute, shook his head, and sprinted toward the vineyard.  It was a decision he’d regret for a long time.

Today I’ll listen carefully to friends’ warnings.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

24. Not Waiting for a Unanimous Verdict.

“I want to write children’s books,” Gerry said, looking over my shoulder, out the window.  “My sister thinks it’s a great idea.  My mom laughed. My dad said there’s no money in it.”

I said, “When I got sober, most people were supportive.  A few said I was overreacting to totaling my car.  A couple said I’d never make it. I got sober anyway.”

“What’s your point?”

“If I waited for everyone’s approval, if I only did what everyone thought I could do, I’d still be drunk. Life is not a death penalty jury – you don’t need unanimous agreement. Consider your options, do what you think is best, and accept some people aren’t going to like your choices.”

“Easier said than done,” Gerry said, shaking his head.

“Most things are, but do it anyway.”

Today I won’t wait for unanimous approval.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

23. Preparation v. Desperation

Brat Boy sat on the other side of me on the couch.  I asked him if he had everything ready for school tomorrow.

He said, “No – thought I wait ‘til the bus is coming up the street to find my basketball uniform. Then I plan to look for my lunch as the school bus rolls past.  That way I get to hear you mutter as you drive me to school.  About halfway there, I plan to remember I forgot something.  That’s when the real desperation will set in.”

“Or, wise guy,” I said, “You could round up everything you need tonight.  Use a little preparation to avoid a lot of desperation.”

“Where’s the fun and challenge in that?”

Today I will use a little preparation to avoid a lot of desperation.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

22. The Correct Order

I was sitting on the couch next to my wife later that evening.  She told me she was going to run to the grocery store. 

“The roads are getting icy,” I said.  “Stay home. God forbid something happened to you.  People would push me to remarry.  I’d have to date again, which means I’d have to buy new clothes. I’d have to shave. I’d have to make small talk.”

“And?” my wife asked.

“I’d have to spend money on dinner.  I’d have to sit through some dopey chick flick.”

“And?” she asked again, driving an elbow into my side.

“And I love you. Couldn’t imagine life without you,” I said, rubbing my bruised ribs.

“Should have said that first.”

Today I will put love first.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

21. Deteriorating Orbit

 The next night I felt well enough to go to an AA meeting. 

“Do you know what a deteriorating orbit is?” My friend Marti asked me.  She was a science teacher in her early forties, two years sober, and getting out of her marriage.

“Isn’t that when something going around and around something bigger eventually falls into that larger something?”

She nodded.  “I think I’ve finally escaped my husband’s orbit,” she said.  “He’s this big ball of fire people love until they really get to know him. By that time, he’s pulled them into orbit around him.  They’re in business with him, or they’ve bought a boat together. They’ve had a couple kids with him.”

“How’d you do it?” I asked

“Distance.  I’ve kept my distance. The further I am from that man, the less pull he has on me. I think it’s the same with booze.  The further away I stay, less pull toward it I feel. ”

Today I will put distance is the key to avoiding a deteriorating orbit.

               

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

Today I will reflect on the meaning of MLK day.  Needles for Knitting will return Tuesday. 

20. Dispensing with my Indispensability

Later that night tiny rivers began flowing from my swollen eyes. I coughed, and coughed again.  I asked the cat, “Any advice on getting rid of this steel wool furball caught in my throat?” He may have answered, but my ears were too clogged to hear.  Blowing my nose hurt, but distracted me from my throbbing temples.

And yet, I was determined to go to work the next day.  They needed me.  Wasn’t I the Golden Nectar Collector who collected so many urine samples?  Wasn’t I The Director of Training AND Publications?   Clearly I was indispensable.

The next day I woke up late, and called the office to say I wasn’t coming in.

“Oh, I thought you were here,” Miss Rella said.  They hadn’t missed me at all.  I wondered how many times I had pushed myself believing I was indispensable, when I really needed to take care of myself instead.

Today I will dispense with my indispensability myth.  

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

19. Lighten Up

Brat Boy heard me curse when I burned my mouth. I told him my thoughts on learning lessons in time.

“Dad, you made the leap from a cold shorts and a hot chicken nugget to getting maimed or infected,” he said, laughing. “You need to lighten up old man. It’s not all DUIs and ODs.”

He was lying face down on the coach, his head turned to see the TV.  I sat on him. “Do you really think I need to lighten up?” I asked.  He seemed even more convinced

Today I will lighten up.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Needles Not For Knitting (c) 2017 by Ken Montrose

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

18. Hot and Cold
At the end of the day I went to the gym.  Replacing my underwear with my first item of gym wear reminded me, in the most personal way, that leaving my gym bag in a freezing car was a bad idea. 

When I got home, I made chicken nuggets in the microwave.  The timer went off.  I popped one in my mouth and remembered: steaming food straight from the oven or microwave burns.   

“When will you learn?” I asked myself out loud.  I thought about the lessons I had learned in time, and all the people I knew who suffered because they hadn’t. People in jail, people married to idiots, and people infected, maimed, or even dying.  People who had died.  I drank a cold glass of milk, feeling grateful.

Today I’ll be grateful if I’m not hurt too badly by lessons I learn slowly.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

Free Through Friday

The eBook versions of these Greenbriar publications are free through Friday, January 13th:

My Plan to Ruin Your Life: 
The first recovery workbook written by your Addiction

In this workbook Addiction explains exactly how he plans to destroy the lives of people who don't take him seriously. For example, he will change his appearance to look like a powdery line of success to the lawyer, a can of solidarity to the mill worker, a fine glass of sophisticated relaxation to the single mom executive, and a big cloud of acceptance to the lonely fourteen year-old.

Addiction himself describes how he plans to use the reader’s strengths and weaknesses against him.  He will convince the arrogant person she is too smart to be addicted, the strong person she need only apply a little more willpower, and the dependent person that finding the right mate will eliminate all her problems. 

My Favorite Character Defects: The next workbook written by your Addiction

Addiction himself best describes this workbook: “Now I’m going to show you how I use your character defects to keep you from Recovery, and hand you over to Death in the worst condition possible.  I left space for you to write your thoughts, plans, and tactics for staying clean and sober." Although the book is written to help people overcome substance abuse, its message can applied to any bad habit.

Forgiveness in Recovery

Written for people new to recovery, this workbook helps the reader develop a realistic outlook on forgiveness. Basic, and sometimes difficult, truths discussed in Forgiveness include:

• ·         The people we hope will forgive us don’t have to.  They get to set their own criteria for forgiveness.
• ·         Seeing the other person’s point of view isn’t always easy.  We may not understand their experiences and expectations.
• ·         Our point of view may not be easy for them to see. They may not understand our experiences and expectations
• ·         We do well to practice the AA slogan “clean your side of the street.”
• ·         Forgiveness is a wonderful gift, but one we may have to give judiciously.  We may not want to forgive someone who shows no remorse and continues to do things that hurt us.
• ·         Part of recovery is learning to forgive ourselves, once we’ve put up ‘roadblocks’ to repeating past behavior.

All three are available through: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

They can be read on any PC, Apple, or Kindle.
(For a descripton of software options please visit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-parkin/read-ebooks-without-a-kin_b_1357493.html)

17. Lifting Spirits

“I owe my sister an apology,” Gerry said.  “She knew early on that our parents were messed up.  I was always on their side when they made fun of her for saying so.”

“Did you know something was wrong?” I asked.

“Like I said, not until my teens.  But after I knew, I kept agreeing with my folks, pretending my sister was wrong.  It was just easier. I know sometimes she questioned her own sanity, wondering if they were right, they were normal and she was off. I let her down.”

“You were a kid.  Hey, an apology from you now might just lift her spirits.”

Gerry smiled. “God, I’d be grateful if it did.”

Today I’ll be grateful if I can lift someone’s spirits, especially someone I’ve let down.

Needles Not For Knitting is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S