Fawlty Showers

Gratitude

I turned my attention to the second column, things to enjoy and celebrate.  Once again, I slipped into the trap of trying to write something profound when I needed to stick to the everyday.

After several false starts, I began writing an alphabetical list.

I started with Abigail, as much as she annoyed me, I had to be grateful I wasn’t her. Being wound that tight couldn’t be easy. I made a side list of other people I was glad I wasn’t.

When I got to ‘f’ I wrote ‘Friends who are family, family who are my best friends.’ I couldn’t believe how lucky I’d been in that regard.

I followed that with ‘Go Go Gophers’, one of my favorite cartoons when I was a kid. My dad and I would laugh out loud. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized how many dads didn’t spend their Saturday mornings watching TV with their kids. Gratitude swept over me at the memory.

The ‘p’ was easy: pizza. Vincent’s pizza, thick and greasy, 1,000 calories a slice, and little bit of heaven in a box.

The list went on.

Today I will write a long gratitude list.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Today

I sat down to write the greatest book ever written about life. Deep and meaningful, my workbook would earn me at least a Pulitzer and maybe the Nobel Prize for Literature.

“That’s my mistake,” I said to my laptop. Thousands of deep and meaningful books had been written about life. I needed to write about getting through the day.

I got out a tablet and divided the top sheet into three columns: things I needed to do or not do, things to enjoy and celebrate, and things I had to accept.

I looked at the first column and added ‘today’. Today I’m not going to drink. I’m going to let people know I care about them. I’ll try to set a good example.  I won’t dump coffee on Abigail.

Today I’m going to shut off my phone and enjoy my lunch. I’ll burn off 500 more calories than I consume. I won’t get on the internet looking for one quote and spend hours reading about all the things in Australia that can kill you.   

As I finished the list I thought of another slogan: Just for Today. I only had to do or not do the things on my list that day.

Today, and just for today, I’ll make a 2Do list.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

Coffee Break
Dana stopped by my desk, a box of donuts in hand. “Heard the writing isn’t going well.”

I nodded, “Trying to impress people rather than just writing.”

“I’m impressed a man your age remembers it’s socks first and then shoes.  Be right back.”

She returned with two mugs of steaming coffee. I started to take a sip, but she held up a hand. “When you’re struggling you need to stop and smell the coffee, literally and figuratively.”

“You struggling?” I asked.

“My teen princess has been sending me angry texts. She had to get out of bed to get tissues. Apparently a good mother would have stayed home to nurse her through her low fever and sniffles.”

“Damn, I’m gonna have to call child protective services.”

“My little one is in the principal’s office.  He snuck a couple of potato bugs into his friend’s chili. When my angel told his friend, the kid vomited all over the girl next to him.”

“Sometimes the best you can do is stop and smell the coffee,” I said. We traded insults, laughing and drinking our coffee. When she left, I found taking a break had made all the difference.  

Today I will stop and smell the coffee.

  

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Paint Job

I went back to my desk and looked at what I’d written so far. Not much, not very good. I started making changes here and there, trying to paint over the weaknesses in my writing.

A friend from AA had painted over his car’s rust spots. A guy who worked in a body shop told him he should have sanded the whole thing down and started over with a primer.  “The rust will bubble to the surface in no time.”

Another friend had painted over the problems in his marriage with gifts. Eventually his wife started seeing the gifts as bribes, and left him. In the twenty years they were together he could have changed his ways and started over, but giving her presents was much easier.

Once I knew I had a problem with booze, I had tried to paint over it. I switched from beer to vodka and back again. I limited myself to weekends – Thursday at midnight to Sunday evening.  I drank wine for a while. My problems kept bubbling to the surface, worse than before.

I deleted everything I had written and started over.

 

Today I won’t paint over when I need to start over.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

Step 1.5

“How’s the workbook coming along,” Katy asked when she was done laughing.

I looked at my shoes, looked up and said, “I should have started it by now, but I’m struggling.”

“Oh, why?”

I was a little embarrassed, but I told the truth. “I want it to be good. It’s the first thing I’ll write for Fawlty Showers.”

Katy said, “Lots of people admit they have a problem, maybe something they need to do, but don’t do anything. I always thought there should be a half step. After you admit you have a problem, you recognize it’s time to do something, and then start.”

“Step 1.5,” I said. “I like it. I’m gonna have to work that step, and get started no matter how hard it is.”

Today I’ll admit it’s time to start, and get started.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

 Fawlty Showers

You Gotta Laugh

M.A. came chitter-chattering in, dragging something.

Mold clung to the inside corner of the old and weather beaten wallet.  No money, no credit cards, but tucked under one flap was a greying, almost unreadable card.

I saw the familiar logo. My father had been a Teamster.  I dropped it when I saw the name. James Hoffa.

I sat stunned for a long moment. I held a clue to the most investigated mystery of the twentieth century, the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa.

I ran to Katy’s desk, holding the wallet with a tissue, because it was clearly evidence. The look on her face told me I’d been set up.

“Find a clue, Sherlock?” Katy asked. We laughed and laughed as I told her how completely I’d fallen for her prank. 

Over the years, I’d learned people who couldn’t laugh at themselves struggled with life much more than those who could. 

Today I will laugh at myself.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Cute

“Why do you love me so much?” Dr. Deb asked when she called. I had made a run to the bakery to get her favorite muffin before leaving for work.

“You’re cute,” I said.

She laughed. “I’m cute? That’s it? Cute?”

“You’re really, really, cute.”

“Oh, you can do better than that, Mr. Writer Man.”

So I did. I made sure she knew in great detail  why I loved her. 

Today I will make sure the people I love know why.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers will return on Thursday!

 Fawlty Showers

Coach Bully

When I got to work Abigail was standing at Katy’s desk.

“All the doors are up,” Katy said to me, clearly pleased.  “They installed them last night.”

“Finally,” Abigail said. For reasons I couldn’t fathom Randy had put her in charge of construction. “Now they need to finish the drywall without getting dust everywhere.”

There are people with high standards. Meeting their standards was always rewarding. They applauded your success, and pushed you when you failed.  These folks were good coaches, whether they were involved in sports or not.

 Abigail wasn’t a coach.

Abigail’s standards could never be met. Whatever you did wouldn’t be good enough. She’d take credit for your successes, blame you for your failures, and never seem pleased in either case. Abigail was a bully pretending to be a coach.

Too many people spent years mistaking a bully for a coach.  It never ended well.

 

Today I won’t mistake a bully for a coach.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Back Again

I spent that evening in my chair, working on the new workbook. The next morning I bent over to put on my socks, and the muscles in my lower back locked tight.

I had been down that road many times.

Pat, my physical therapist, had warned me about sitting for too long.  He’d explained why my long torso and age made me prone to back issues. 

‘An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,’ I thought. ‘Too late now.’

Instead of ten minutes of stretching twice a day, I would have to stretch every ten minutes or so. I’d have to ice my back, apply heat, and take ibuprofen. It might be a weeks before I could ride my bike or go to the gym.

“Easier to lock the doors than confront the burglar,” I muttered through gritted teeth. “Better to get the booze out of the house than to go to rehab.”

Today I’ll remember, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Fine, I’ll Do the Right #$%^@ Thing!

Abigail instructed me to wrap the mouse in a plastic bag and drop it in the dumpster, not the garbage cans outside, and certainly not in my office trash. I toyed with the idea of gluing googly eyes to the carcass and putting it on her windshield.

Instead, I wrapped the mouse in a plastic bag and dropped it into the dumpster.  I didn’t want it in my office.  We didn’t have enough garbage cans and they were always full. 

Putting the mouse in the dumpster was the right thing to do, even if the wrong person suggested it. I thought about all the times I had delayed doing the right thing because someone in authority, or someone I disagreed with, said I should. My ego had cost me each time.

On my way home I stopped at the Dollar Store to find a toy mouse about the same size and color as the one I’d gotten rid of.

Today I’ll do the right thing no matter who suggests it.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

I Like That About You

Cuddles the cat wandered in, a dead mouse drooping from his mouth.

He laid the mouse on a box, swished his tail in the air, purred, and walked away, his head and tail held high.

A moment later Abigail stopped by to tell me I’d parked slightly sideways. I’m not sure why.  She saw the mouse. I expected her to be disgusted.

Abigail smiled. I imagined I heard her face crack.  “Cuddles must like you, he left you a present.”  Abigail liked cats.  I liked that about her.

Over the years I’d learned I wasn’t going to like everyone, but finding something I did like about them made tolerating their company much easier.

 

Today I’ll try to find something I like about people I don’t.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Kicking Myself

After lunch I started an outline for the workbook Life on Life’s Terms.  I immediately hit a wall of writer’s block.

“#$%#@,” I said to my laptop. “This isn’t rocket science. I should be able to write this in my sleep.”  I berated myself for another twenty minutes, all the while glaring at my laptop.

A woman I knew blamed herself for the lazy doofus living in the camper in the driveway. I’d met her husband. Their son hadn’t inherited the doofus gene from her.

A friend beat himself up over his weight. Growing up, his mother had weighed him every day, punishing him when he was a pound heavier than she wanted him to be. I didn’t think he should blame himself for eating too much once he escaped home. 

Like the woman and my friend, I needed to assess my situation, and come up with a plan.

“Beating yourself up, doesn’t help,” I finally said to the laptop. “Better to step back, take a deep breath, and look for a solution, accepting it may take time to appear.”

Instead of kicking myself, today I’ll step back, take a deep breath, and look for a solution.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

You Gotta Laugh

As we started the staff meeting Randy turned off his phone and said, “People keep calling me about a truck for sale.”

“I put a sign on yours, $500 or best offer,” Katy said between fits of laughter. “Must sell today.”

Randy shook his head and laughed too. “I will get you back. Oh, trust me, I will get you back.”

After the meeting, I pulled Randy aside and said, “I got this.”

When Katy was at lunch I filled a specimen cup to the brim with apple juice.  I spilled a few drops on her desk and a note reading ‘Where do we store urine samples?’

Later, she yelled for me to “Get this the hell off my desk!” I apologized, wiped her desk with a paper towel, and drank the juice.  The look on her face was priceless.

It turned out practical jokes were a way of life at Fawlty Showers.  In 2025 we were struggling to get up and running in the middle of yet another opioid epidemic. Knee deep in misery, it was a welcome relief to be surrounded by people with a sense of humor, no matter how juvenile.

Today I’ll be grateful for people with a sense of humor.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Certainly

“Staff meeting in an hour,” Randy said as he got up to leave my office.

After he left, Cuddles the cat poked his head in, looked around the room, and walked away.  A few minutes later he returned with Moondoggy Alpha, or M.A. as he apparently liked to be called.

M.A. scurried up some boxes to my desk.  He dropped a Gummi Bear on my blotter.  I opened a drawer.  M.A. frowned. ‘Ferrets don’t frown,’ I thought. ‘I’m losing it.’

I opened another drawer.  M.A. smiled. Ferrets don’t smile. I dropped the candy into that drawer. M.A. and Cuddles left.

“What is going on?” I wondered aloud. “Am I losing my mind?”

I’d learned during the pandemic of ’20-’21 that in uncertain times it helped to list things of which I could be certain.

I was certain my family loved me. I knew I could stay sober one day at a time.  Hard times passed, good times lasted, if only as memories. The list went on.

Today I’ll make a list of things of which I can be certain.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Life on Life’s Terms

On that Monday, my new boss Randy stopped in my office to see how I was adapting.  He asked me what I thought was most difficult in early recovery.

I said, “Living ‘life on life’s terms. It’s a slogan that reminds people even though life is likely to get better after you get sober, you still have to deal with its ups and downs just like everybody else. That’s hard to accept after you’ve worked so hard to get clean.”

Randy laughed. “My mother used to say the cutest baby makes the dirtiest diapers.”

“The more people you love, the more funerals you go to.”

“The more money you make, the higher your taxes.”

I laughed. “We could do this all day, but life on life’s terms boils down to taking the good with the bad. Gotta accept it.” 

 

Today I will accept life on life’s terms.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Half-Measures

While Dr. Deb looked over the pumpkins, I texted my gym buddy. offering to help him get into a rehab.  He didn’t think he was that bad.

“Half measures availed us nothing,” I muttered, quoting a line from AA’s Big Book.

“What?” Dr. Deb asked.

“Sorry, I was mumbling to myself.  In AA they warn you about half measures.  If you want to recover from an addiction, you gotta be all in,” I said.  “When you are, the rewards flow.”

She smiled. “What about marriage?”

I smiled back, pulled her close and added, “You both gotta be all in.  When you are, it’s the greatest.”

Today I will be all in.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Caught

I got a text, read it, and sighed.   “Guy from the gym ate a couple Xanax, but didn’t get called in for a random drug screen,” I told Dr. Deb. “He could have lost his job.  Really scared himself.”

“It sounds like he learned his lesson. Why don’t you seem happy about it?”

“Every time you get away with something, it’s a little easier to do it again,” I said.

“Don’t you think remembering the fear of being caught will stop him?” Dr. Deb asked.

“It would stop some people, but over time others start remembering that fear as excitement.  I’m think that will happen with this guy.”   

“He’ll do it again?”

“I’d bet on it. Kinda makes me glad I did finally get caught driving drunk. It turned my life around.”

Today I’ll be grateful for the times I got caught.

 

“I

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

 About Time

My wife and I drove north to get pumpkins, admiring the fiery reds and browns of the falling leaves.

“You miss your mother most in the fall,” Dr. Deb said, breaking the silence. “She loved the fall.”

“Time the magician,” I said. Dr. Deb gave me a blank look. “It’s from one of the few poems I know that isn’t a filthy limerick. It talks about how time transforms pain.”

Dr. Deb read my mind.  “You still miss her, but over time the good memories have come to outweigh the sadness.”

“One day I was trying not to think about her being gone. The next, I looked over and imagined her sitting in her chair, feet close to the fire, dog in her lap, reading the paper, and smiling. Time had worked his magic.”

Today I will allow Time to work his magic.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

It’s the Little Things

The next morning my wife smiled at me as I put on my jeans. “You still get a little kick from clean clothes.”

Toward the end of my drinking days, I’d spray my clothes with deodorant rather than spend beer money at the laundromat.  Decades later I still appreciated the feel of clean clothes, especially straight from the dryer.

“Never gets old,” I said as pulled my favorite shirt over my head.

Dr. Deb made a face, then laughed. “You know that’s an indoor shirt, right? Not to be worn outside the house. Or inside the house, unless all the curtains are closed. Maybe then only when you’re here alone.”

“It’s clean,” I said. “And partly because I savor the little things, so am I.”

Today I’ll be grateful for the little things that never lose their appeal.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Drop the Puppy, Lose the Emu

Later that night I opened my laptop.  The software that sorted my messages sent my test results to the spam filter, along with an electronic summons to testify, and a contract for my new employer.

I got a little distracted by the messages the software sent to the ‘urgent’ file.

 A state representative wanted my vote. The attached picture of his opponent kicking a child while stealing his puppy may have been photoshopped.

An insurance company asked if I was happy with my coverage.  I didn’t answer their survey, but I suggested they lose the emu ads. They weren’t funny when they started in 2019. They were six years more annoying in 2025.

I blocked further messages from the cat psychic.

“I can’t blame you” I said to my laptop, “for not knowing what’s important.  I know.” I sent a heart emoji to my wife. I invited an old friend to meet me for lunch.  I started working on my yearly training to benefit Operation Troop Appreciation, a service organization dedicated to making life easier for active duty personnel.

Today I will focus on what’s truly important. 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

First Time, Last Time

At the end of the meeting a woman in her late thirties thanked me for speaking.

“You spoke to our class when I was a student nurse,” she said. “After your talk I asked you if you loved someone enough, and they loved you, wouldn’t they eventually quit drinking?”  

I winced. “I’m betting I told you love wasn’t enough.”

“I left thinking you were bitter because you couldn’t drink, and you didn’t understand true love.  A year later I caught my husband in bed drunk with our teenage neighbor.”

“Ouch. I’m kinda sorry I was right.”

“Don’t be. I learned my lesson. Too many of my friends have dated, even married, the same mistake over and over.  No, I’m glad I learned it the first time. No more active alcoholics for me.”

I smiled, but I was thinking about all the times I hadn’t learned my lesson the first time.

Today I will try to learn my lesson the first time.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/