Fawlty Showers

“God Grant Me…”

“This isn’t going to be easy,” I said to the steering wheel. I had to convince my coworkers moving MA and Cuddles was the best solution. Semi-Colin and Beth had to be willing to adopt a ferret and a cat. MA and Cuddles had to accept living in a new home.

“Or,” I said, “I could do nothing.  I didn’t bring MA or Cuddles into the rehab. It wouldn’t be my fault if they were removed by the county.”

I’d feel bad, thinking about the animals in a shelter, waiting to be adopted, most likely separated and not understanding why. Knowing it wasn’t my fault wouldn’t be much comfort. Still, getting them a home was going to take some effort.

I thought about the middle part of the Serenity Prayer. “Sometimes it’s not courage you need to change the things you can, it’s energy and determination.”

 

Today I will find the energy to change the things I can.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Retreat, Rethink, React

On the drive home I worried about MA and Cuddles. Someone had once told me when I hit a brick wall I should retreat, rethink, and then react.

Retreat: the more I thought about it, the more certain I became we couldn’t keep them at the rehab. I needed to accept it, step back, and consider other options.

Rethink: what other options were available? Keeping MA and Cuddles together in a good home might be the best we could do.

React: Brat Boy’s friend Semi-Colin had a toddler I called Dash. (Dash never walked, he dashed everywhere, a tornado of clutter and joy.)  Both Semi-Colin and Dash were fascinated by ferrets. Semi-Colin's wife, Beth, wanted a cat. 

“Might be the best we can do,” I said to myself.

 

Today I will retreat, rethink, and then react.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

 Fawlty Showers

“Not That Count, Discount!”

I ran into Marti smoking in the parking lot a few days later. I told her she did the right thing by waiting for the money until she was a little deeper into recovery.

 “I almost took the money,” Marti said.

“But you didn’t,” I pointed out. “Give yourself some credit.”

Marti shook her head. “But I wanted to. I was drooling thinking about how drunk I planned to get.”

“You’re making me crazy,” I said. “Quit discounting the positive.”

“Doing what?”

“Refusing to accept a compliment.  Not giving yourself credit. Discounting the positive you’ve done.”

“OK, but I really, really wanted to take the money and run.”

“I’m going to run you over with my car,” I said.

 

Today I won’t discount the positive.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Elvis Figurines

That afternoon we told our clients about the food poisoning and our supplier’s offer.  They could take $1000 now, or join in a settlement likely to be higher later. How much higher and how much later would be determined by an arbitrator.

We tried to convince them to wait for the settlement, and likely monthly payouts. Three people signed out of treatment and took the money.

Money makes life easier. It lets you get the things you need, enjoy life, and help the less fortunate.

Money also fuels addictions, chemical or otherwise. 

People end up with a wall of Elvis plates, 500 figurines, and two complete sets of mint condition, first edition, authenticated by an authentic authenticator, sure to quadruple in value, quarters from every state.  (It’s never a good idea to shop while high.)

Two of the three clients who took the $1000 returned to treatment later, broke and remorseful.  The third OD’d the day he got his check.   

 

Today I’ll be careful with my money.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

Fawlty Showers

Don’t Borrow Sorrow From Tomorrow

We held a staff meeting the next day. Randy announced he had good news, bad news, and more good news.

“The good news,” he said, “is M.A. and Cuddles passed their physicals with flying colors.” He paused, and then added, “Let’s just spend a moment to be grateful for that.”

“What’s the bad news?” I asked.

“The county evaluator is still insisting we get rid of them.”

I swore softly.

Abigail asked what the other good news might be.

Randy said, “The day they have to leave isn’t here yet. We have another day to figure out a way to keep them.  I’ve said it before, I refuse to borrow sorrow from tomorrow.”

Today I refuse to borrow sorrow from tomorrow.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

 Fawlty Showers

Like Sunday Morning

I volunteered to take MA to the vet the next day. My hands and wrists were already shredded, I figured a scratch or two more couldn’t hurt.

The ferret sniffed around the carrier. To my amazement, he walked in and curled up on the towel.

At the vet’s he happily explored the examination room until the doc came in.  The exam was a breeze.

So much in life is hard, often harder than we imagined it would be. I made a list of things that were wonderful and easy. A baby sleeping on your shoulder. A good book or movie. That rare DIY project that turned out just like the YouTube video, with no trips to the ER.

The list went on and on.

 

Today I’ll be grateful for the easy things in life.

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Now or Later

Cuddles fought the vet tooth and claw throughout the whole procedure. When I put him back in the carrier, he gave me a deep wound on my left wrist to match the one he’d given me earlier on my right.

When I got back to Fawlty Showers, Katy saw my bloody hands and told me to sit down in the chair in front of  her desk.

“I’ll get the first aid kit,” she said.

“They’re just scratches,” I said. “I’ll be fine.” Blood dripped from one of the deeper cuts.

“Take care of them now, and you’ll be fine. Let them go, and they might get infected.”

I didn’t think that was likely, but she had a point. Better to take care of a potential problem now than an actual problem later.

Today I’ll deal with potential problems before they become actual problems.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Help

Katy got the carrier out of the closet. I called Dana on the intercom at Katy’s desk.

“Katy has a job for you,” I said. “Part of your internship.”

Katy grabbed her phone and said, “Ignore him, he’s being a coward.”

Cuddles was sleeping on a chair in my office when I crept in with the carrier.

He woke, saw the carrier, and immediately began to hiss and spit. I shut the door behind me.

I tried to reason with the cat, pointing out it was just an exam.  He needed to get a clean bill of health to stay at the rehab.  Cuddles wasn’t having it.

Sometimes people try to hurt you as you try to help them. Your family member storms out of the intervention telling everyone to go to hell. A friend explodes as you tell her the new boyfriend is shady. A mom screams at you from the stands any time you redirect her little LeBron wannabe.

“You try to help, even if your help isn’t appreciated,” I said to Cuddles.  I never got the blood stains out of my shirt.

Today I’ll try to help, even if that help might be rejected.

 

 Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

A Trip to the Vet

“You have to take Cuddles and MA to the vet,” Katy said as I walked into work the next day.

“I’d rather get a root canal,” I said. “From a drunk dentist with no Novocain.”

“Randy is taking an inventory of the whole program before the county review. We have to show they’re healthy and not a threat to our patients.”

I hated reviews, but always liked AA’s recommendation of taking a daily inventory. It kept you from drifting into bad habits. Gave you reasons to be grateful. Showed you what you needed to eliminate or improve. Reminded you of what you’d survived.

“I’ll take them to the vet, but I’m going to need some chloroform, a Taser, and leather gloves.”

 

Today I’ll take a daily inventory.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/ 

 Fawlty Showers

A Day’s Worth

‘How many days have you been sober?’ the tweet asked.

It’s fun to count your days I thought, but more important to look at how well you did what you needed to do.

Early in recovery there were days when all I could do was hang on. Sometimes it seemed like I wasn’t accomplishing much. I was like someone shouldering grief, not giving themselves credit for doing what had to be done until better days came along.

The weekend before I’d started to sink into the couch, where I’d spend more time picking a movie than watching one. I got up, went to the gym, and afterward fished a stream, making the most of my down time.

I had promised Dr. Deb I’d do some yardwork while she was away. Instead of just cutting the grass, I planted flowers, edged, and put up a new bird feeder. Her smile told me I’d gotten the most out of my day.

Today I’ll compare what I did with how well I did it.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Live in the Present, But…

That night I dreamt I was back at Pitt, working on a Ph.D. I’d pay for but never get because I was too drunk to study for comprehensive exams. I woke up feeling a little sick, but grateful for the reminder of one reason I got sober.

My friend married a snake. He seemed like a saint until he drove off in her car, leaving behind a mountain of credit card debt. She discovered he’d fathered at least one child with another woman while they were together. She started dating again, but kept her wedding ring to remind herself not to be too trusting.  

A guy I knew broke his wrist and fractured his skull riding his bike without a helmet.  He had the odd habit of circling the scar on his forearm in ink when he biked to remind himself to be careful.

 

Today I won’t live in the past, but I will remember my mistakes.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Hammered

On the way home I heard Simon and Garfunkel, “I’d rather be the hammer than the nail,”

The nail is powerless, I thought. It gets hammered. The hammer acts, the nail is acted upon. 

If people get hammered often enough, powerlessness increases, life acts upon them.  His wife leaves him. She loses custody. He can’t get into the military. A convicted felon, she can’t find a job.

The hammer isn’t always a chemical. She’s getting hammered by debt collectors because she keeps ordering online. The virus he caught sleeping around is hammering his immune system. 

I thought of all the losses I’d suffered getting hammered, allowing myself to be the nail.

 

Today I won’t get hammered.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Dumb Deer

Katy transferred a call to my office.

“I drank again,” a familiar voice said.  “After a business lunch. The waitress asked we wanted anything else. The other guys ordered beers and I froze.”

“Remember me telling you about the deer?” I asked, knowing I’d have to be a little harsher with him than I would be with most people.

He quoted me. “Smart deer cross roads as quickly as they can, sensing the danger.  Dumb deer take their time. When they see the headlights, it’s too late. They freeze.”

“And anybody who lingers near something he should avoid  ‘cause it might kill him is dumber than the dumbest deer.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I’m no smarter than roadkill?”

“If you were a deer your nickname would be ‘Hood Ornament’.”

 

Today I’ll prove I’m smarter than roadkill.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

What Doesn’t Kill Me

“What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” Katy said.

I winced. “I’ve always believed that saying is only half true. What doesn’t kill me could strengthen or weaken me, depending on what I do next.”

“Oh, how so?”

“Last time I had a drink, I crashed into a county sheriff. My life was a mess. It strengthened my determination to stop drinking. I haven’t had a drink since.”

“So it did make you stronger.”

“Yes, but If I went out and had one beer, I’d know I should get right back on the wagon. Instead, I might say to myself, ‘well that didn’t kill me.’ It would weaken my commitment to sobriety, make it easier to pick up the next beer or three.”

 Katy nodded, “It’s all about what you do after something doesn’t kill you.”

 

Today I’ll remember it’s all about what you do after something doesn’t kill you.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

 Fawlty Showers

I Got This

Later that day I saw two men in suits leaving Randy’s office.

“Detectives?” I asked Katy. She laughed.

“You are so cynical,” she said. “Attorneys for the food service company we use.  We didn’t have a bug, we had food poisoning.  They’re here to offer a settlement.”

“In a twisted way, this whole thing was like dropping an addiction, maybe getting out of a bad relationship.”

“How so?”

“You suffer through withdrawal, maybe you feel weak and disoriented at first, and then you’re better off than you were.”

Katy nodded, “Once you get through it with one thing, you know you can do it with another.”

 

Today I will remember all the tough times I’ve gotten through.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Let It @#$@ Go

The next day I sat down to right my blog. I wrote, rewrote, deleted what I’d written, and wrote some more. Time passed. I had a training that morning. People were coming soon.

I cursed my laptop. I spilled my coffee and cursed the cup.  “#$#%@#%%” I cursed my high school English teacher, and all three of the Pitt professors whose writing classes I’d taken. “May you rot in a hell of editing grade school essays.”

When I was a child I’d been told my guardian angel shed a tear every time I swore.  “Cry my a river,”  I muttered.

In the end I realized what I had written was good, but not perfect. “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good,” I said out loud.  “Do your best and let it go.”

I let it go, published my blog, and felt a wave of relief wash over me.

Today I will do my best and let it go.

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Most of the Time

Snakes in the Hood III was every bit as bad as we’d hoped it would be.

Genetically altered cobras escaped a government facility and took up residence in car hoods.  They chased a group of sorority sisters, and a mechanic who’d tried to check their oil, to a nearby ferret farm.

In the end the super-ferrets saved the day, killing the queen cobra. We laughed until we were in tears.

I hugged Brat Boy tight before he left.  I was getting older. I had no idea where his career might take him.  Whatever time I had with him, I planned to make the most of it, something I couldn’t do if I was drinking.

 

Today I’ll make the most of my time with the people I love.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Numb

“How’s your new neighbor?”  I asked Brat Boy.

“He’s an AA,” Brat Boy said, shaking his head.

“You mean he’s in AA.”

“No, he’s an AA, amateur anesthesiologist.  He likes to make himself numb.  Apparently he thinks a lot of himself and finds living among the common folk painfully disappointing.”

“Trouble with being numb is you never learn to deal with life’s pain. It seems to slow the healing from whatever wounds you suffer. You can’t feel the good things in life, either.”

“He’ll be too drunk to notice when Snakes in the Hood IV comes out,” Brat Boy said, laughing.

“Numb prolongs the pain, postpones the joy,” I said.

 

Today, be it good or bad, I’ll be glad I’m not numb.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Old

Brat Boy dropped in that night. “Bad movie night?” he asked. We liked to make fun of bad movies, something we’d started when he was in his teens, but hadn’t done in years while he’d been at school.

“Love to,” I said, thinking some things never get old. Over the years, appreciating these things had made drinking less attractive.   

Waking up not only knowing where I was, but where my car was as well. Clean clothes, breakfast when I wasn’t hungover, being reliable at work. 

Not having to apologize for loudly guessing, at their reception, how long someone’s marriage would last, or telling someone not all babies are cute, and theirs will likely ‘grow out of it.’

Time with my family. Time with my friends. Time alone fishing, writing, riding my bike.

“Appreciating what you have, what never gets old, is a big part of staying sober,” I said.

“Snakes in the Hood III?” Brat Boy asked.

 

Today I’ll be grateful for things that never get old.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers will return tomorrow. Have a great day!

 Fawlty Showers

Enough

After the meeting I thanked the speaker, and told him I liked what he said.

“The trick is to never worry about how your critics react when you prove them wrong,” he said. “I used to waste so much time trying to change my mother’s mind about me. Now I just enjoy my accomplishments.”

I didn’t hear a lot of criticism, but I wondered what kept me from enjoying my accomplishments more. When I thought about what I’d completed at the end of the day, a little voice would remind me of all I hadn’t finished, or could have done.

I thought, tomorrow I’m going to be productive. Tomorrow night I’ll be happy with whatever I accomplish. I’m not going to beat myself up over what I could have done.

 

Tonight I will be happy with my accomplishments.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

Wrong

I went to an AA meeting that night.

As a white guy in his mid-thirties gave his lead, somebody in the back could be heard complaining.  People tried to shush her, but she kept on.

The speaker didn’t react at all.

At the end he held up his chip and said, “I’m one year sober today.”

“You’ll be drunk in a week!” the woman yelled and left.  I was stunned. I’d never heard anyone heckle a speaker before.

The speaker laughed. “That was my mother. I used to drink to drown out her constant criticism.  Now I let it fuel my recovery.  I’m sober for me, but proving her wrong gives me a little boost.”

 

Today I’ll prove my critics wrong.

 

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose