49. Relationships

The next day Howard told me he ran into his second ex-wife.  She said ‘hi,’ he said ‘hello,’ and told her about rehab.  She said she was happy for him.  He apologized, and she said she finally believed he was sincere.

“Ken, we hugged and she told me we’d always be friends,” Howard said.  “The romance may have died, but I think we will be friends.  Can’t believe that relationship survived all I did to sabotage it.”

Today I’ll be grateful for relationships that last.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

48. Snap, Crackle, Pop

That night I fell asleep in my chair.  Brat Boy woke me up to say goodnight. As I got up, my ankle and both my knees made crackling sounds. I tugged on my arm and my shoulder popped.

“Dad, you sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies when you pour on the milk,” Brat Boy said, sounding alarmed.

“Just my body reminding me I’m aging, time is passing, and I should enjoy the moment,” I said.

“If you say you’re grateful for that, I’ll kick you.”

I laughed. “Grateful might be too strong a word.  I think of it as nature’s alarm clock, telling me it’s time to get up and make the most of the day.”

“It’s nighttime, Dad,” he said, rolling his eyes.  “Love you anyway you confused, old man.”

Today, aware that time is passing, I will try to enjoy every moment.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

47. Faith and Fear

“I’m having the surgery,” Margaret said.  “I can’t believe I am, but I am.”  She described in detail how the surgeons planned to realign her hip and her knee.  She seemed scared but determined.

“Sounds like the right thing to do,” I said.  “What made you decide to go ahead with it?”

“Don’t ask me why, but I have a lot of faith in the doctors.  It makes up for a lot of my fear.”

I remembered how scared and miserable I was when I first got sober.  Seeing the happiness of the sober people around me gave me faith that things would get better.

Today I’ll remember a little faith makes up for a lot of fear.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

46. Insisting on Being a Good Influence

“And you!” Margaret said, pointing her cane at Felix, “You are never invited to my house again!” Felix laughed and I asked what happened.

“Thirty years in the Navy and my husband didn’t get a single tattoo,” Margaret said. “Felix convinced him we should get matching ones for our wedding anniversary. I’m gonna filet that kid.”

“Do you want me to call the deputy back, see if we can borrow his Taser?” Howard joked.

“No, he’s been a good influence,” Margaret said, smiling and poking Felix with her cane.  “Felix has gotten my husband to lighten up a little, not worry about me so much.  I think my husband respects the way Felix insists on helping him see the bright side.  He just doesn’t give up.”

Today I will insist on being a good influence.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

45. Support From Your Local Sheriff

A sheriff’s car pulled up and Howard walked over.  Felix said, “Uh Oh,” and all other conversation stopped.  We couldn’t hear them, but the deputy seemed to be doing most of the talking.

“This isn’t good,” Roy said. “Wonder what Howard did?”

Howard waived as the deputy pulled away.  He walked back to us and said, “My dad was the sheriff when that deputy first started. He wanted me to know the old man would have been proud I’m getting sober. Gave me his brother’s card. The brother is a recovering coke addict and an attorney.”  He looked at the card, then back at us.  “Sure didn’t expect that kinda support from the department.  Gotta say I’m mighty grateful.”

Today I will be grateful for whatever support I get, especially support I didn’t expect.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

44. The Right Path

Anne, Margaret, and Roy arrived in the same car.  Anne came bounding over to the group. “It’s a girl!” She told us about her doctor visit, how supportive her mother was, and some of the names she was considering.  “I wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant,” she added. “Which, along with the wine, explains how I got this way.” She walked into the building, eager to share her news with Ms. Rella.

Margaret, who was leaning on Roy’s arm, had made her way to the steps by then.  She gestured to the door Anne had just walked through. “That girl hit a bend in the road just as she was ready to change direction in her life.  Except for worrying about crazy things, she’s over the moon happy.”

Today I will be grateful when life provides me a path I want to travel.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

43. Cheer Up

“She’s not going to understand,” Felix said.  “It’s gonna kill me to hurt her like that.”

Howard, who had been sitting on the steps smoking under the “No Smoking” sign said, “Lemme see the picture.”  Felix handed him his phone.

“Damn, kid!” he said.  “She’s hot.  Don’t beat yourself up about this.  She’ll replace you in no time.”

I laughed, and said, “Howard, you suck at cheering people up!”

“You really do,” Felix said with a smile.  “But you’re right.  She’ll likely find someone. I’m moving on and I have to accept she will too.”

Today I will accept people moving on, sometimes away from me.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

42. Great Effort, Great Sacrifice

The next day Felix was sitting on the steps in front of the building when I got to work.  He looked sad.

He said. “I’m thirty days clean today.”

“You don’t look happy about it,” I said.

“My girlfriend came over last night.”  He held up his phone to show me her picture.  “She was thrilled I’m off heroin, but couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t split a bottle of wine. We’ve been together seven years.  Now I gotta let her go.”  He looked up at me and I could see the weariness and pain in his eyes.  He added, “I’ve trudged the path, now I have to leave someone I love at the side of the road.”

“Sometimes great changes take great effort and great sacrifice,” I said.

Today I will remember: great change often requires both great effort and great sacrifice.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

41. Judge Not

That night I stopped at a rest stop on I-79.  A few urinals away on my left I heard a man say, “Who’s my little buddy? Who is it? It’s you! That’s right, you’re my little buddy!” I fought the urge to look his way.  ‘You really don’t want to make eye contact,’ I said to myself.  We walked to the sink at the same time, and he caught my eye.  I winced.

“My wife holds the phone out for me to talk to my baby boy,” he said, an embarrassed smile spreading across his face as he showed me the phone he’d been holding in his left hand.

“That’s what I thought,” I said, even though it wasn’t close to what I had been thinking.

Today I will try not to judge.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

40. Opportunity Knocks

The next day I could overhear the group from my office.  Howard was telling them he’d met Roy’s sponsor, Street Sign. 

“I told him about my two divorces,” Howard said.  “I was sorta feelin’ sorry for myself when he asked me if either of my exes was still alive. He told me about being widowed twice.  Didn’t have to say nothing else. My first wife remarried, but not my second.  I have an opportunity to patch things up.  I know he’d do anything to see either of his wives again.”

Today I will be grateful for any opportunity that comes my way.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

39. Knowing When To Quit

When I got home that night Brat Boy was already at his new girlfriend’s house. I smiled and asked my wife if there was anything like a new romance.

“What about old loves?” she asked as she settled in next to me on the couch.

“Old loves are like my favorite pair of wool socks.  They’re familiar, comfortable, and they warm me.  I never want to be without them.”

My wife said ‘aww.’ I should have stopped then.

Instead, I added, “Sure they’re old and a little clingy, and maybe they look worn and saggy, but I still love them just the same.”  No ‘aww’ followed.  I thought it ironic I spent my days trying to help people quit, but didn’t know to quit when I was ahead.

Today I hope I’ll know when to quit.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

38. I See The Problem

“So, the lady who thought she had a boyfriend when really she was just a drug mule,” Howard said, “do you think she knew?”

I said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if she suspected, but wouldn’t allow herself to see it.”

“And the trial opened her eyes.  Maybe if I went to the wedding and couldn’t stop myself from drinking I’d really see my addiction.”

“Howard, let’s be clear. You’ve had two DUIs, two divorces, and a bankruptcy to open your eyes. You see your problem, you just don’t want to do anything about it.”

He smiled and said, “I want to deal with my problem, I just don’t want to stop drinking.”

Today I will do something about the problems I see.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

37.  Permission to Blame You

Howard poked his head into my office after group.  He asked me if he could go to a wedding.

“You don’t need my permission,” I said.  “I’m not even you’re therapist.”

He said, “True, but I think I should get it anyway.  I am new to sobriety, and you’re the oldest recovering guy I know.”

I shook my head, wondered if he meant my time in recovery or my age, and said, “I really think you’re asking my permission to dodge responsibility. If things go wrong, you’ll say staff gave you bad advice.”

“Maybe,” Howard said, a puzzled look on his face.

Today I won’t ask for permission to dodge my responsibilities.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

36. Whaddya Say?

The Other Ken had arranged for a young woman in recovery to speak to the group. 

“I thought I had a boyfriend,” she said. “He was building a business empire.  He claimed he sold weed and cocaine to raise cash, and he’d stop when his company took off. I wanted to help, so I sold a little too.  It was OK because we were in love.”

“Truth was he had five girls he used for sex and hauling drugs around.  I didn’t know until I met them at the trial. Turns out dealers do this all the time.”

“My conscience had told me something was wrong with him.  I didn’t listen. I liked the sex and the free drugs. We were going to be legit and rich.  I didn’t listen because I thought I was better than the people who paid for drugs. Not my problem if they poisoned themselves.”

“Now I listen to my conscience, my probation officer, my sponsor, and my pastor.  I start with my conscience.”

Today I will listen, starting with my conscience.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

35. Smarter Than Your Average Mutt?

“You know that guy Street Sign?” Roy asked me.  I told I’d known Street Sign for years.  “I’m gonna ask him to be my sponsor.”

“Great idea,” I said.  “What made you pick him?”

“I saw him with his dog in the parking lot before an AA meeting.  He taught the dog to roll over, play dead, walk on his hind legs, and speak.  I thought if he could teach a dog all that, he could teach me to stay sober.”

“I don’t know,” I said, “That’s a really smart dog…”

Roy laughed.  “That’s true, but Street Sign said smart dogs only learn if they’re able to listen.  Some smart dogs are too distracted.  Some are to hyper  or lazy to learn much.  I want to prove to myself I’m as smart and willing to learn as the average mutt .  ”

Today I’ll prove I’m as smart and willing to learn as the average mutt.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

34. An Unreasonable Cat

My phone rang.  When I answered, a woman’s voice said, “You’re with the rehab, you talk to him!” Then she yelled repeatedly for someone named Keith to pick up the damn phone.  He yelled something back, slurring his words.  “He’s drunk,” she said, “hold on and I’ll get him to talk to you.”  I told there was little point in trying to reason with him.  Before I could tell her about getting him into treatment, she hung up.

A few days earlier I had tried to convince our cat to concentrate on the moles in our yard.  I had pointed out getting the neighbor’s moles was a nice gesture on his part, but not necessary.   As I was talking to the cat, I noticed my other neighbor sitting on his deck, probably wondering why I was reasoning with a cat.

It occurred to me that reasoning with an intoxicated person or a cat might yield the same result – frustration.  Neither was really capable of being reasonable.

Today I will not reason with the unreasonable.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

33. Difficult Decisions

The next day Margaret stuck her head in my office.  After a long pause she said, “They want me to have another surgery.  New procedure.  They think it’ll take away most of the pain.”  She paused again.  “My husband cried last night.  He never does that.”

“Why did he cry?” I asked.

“He loves having the old me back, the way I was before I got addicted.  He hates that I’m in pain, but he’s afraid I’ll get addicted again if I have the surgery.”

“At least you’ll be able to make the decision with a clear head,” I said.

“I’m just so afraid of losing that clear head to the painkillers again.”

Today I’ll be grateful I can make difficult decisions with a clear head.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

32. From Pain to Empathy

A week later I sat next to Street Sign at an AA meeting.  He asked me if I knew anything about a place on the internet where people raise money.  I asked him if he meant Go Fund Me.

“That’s it,” he said.  “Can you show me how to get to it?  I read about this guy on disability who lost his wife and daughter to a fire.  He’s in a financial mess, and he’s trying to raise money for headstones.  My heart just breaks for him.”

Street Sign, who also got by on disability payments, knew too well this man’s pain, having suffered himself.  I admired how he’d turned that pain to empathy, and put it to good use. 

  

Today I will try to be grateful for whatever empathy I’ve learned through pain.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.comHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"/Ken-MonHYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S"trose/e/B001K8MG0S

31. Your reaction?
My phone’s message light glowed red.  I listened to the first message, pushed the wrong button, and erased the remaining four days’ worth of messages.   “Now what, genius?” I asked myself as I tried to weave my way through the phone’s automated message retrieval system.  No luck.

I thought of who might have called me, and why.  Some would call me back, wondering if I had gotten their message, unable to wait for a return call. Others would assume I’d lost their message, and laugh when I told them what happened.  I expected at least one angry ‘why-didn’t-you-call-me-back’ call. These callers would suspect I was lying about losing their message.

I took a deep breath and tried to let go.  “Can’t control how people react.”

Today I will accept having no control over other people’s reactions to my honest mistakes. 

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S