I Remember

Later that night I got online and discovered I hadn’t posted my blog to Facebook the day before. I was getting more forgetful every day. I started listing things I wanted to remember.

•        ‘One is too many and a thousand is never enough.’
•          Make sure the people you love know it.
•          A half-filled laundry basket looks like a litter box to the cat.
•          Tomorrow is not promised, make the most of today.
•          Take the high road.
•          The referee has a much better view of the action and probably doesn’t need my input.
•          My anniversary.
•          It’s OK to ask for help.
•          Put the seat down.
•          Set a good example, actions speak louder than words.

I put the list on my nightstand, thinking I should look over it from time to time. I hoped I remembered it was there.

Today I hope I remember the important things.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Shed Warming Party

My phone rang. Cara. I almost didn’t answer.

“We’re having a shed-warming party for Trevor,” she said as I was saying hello. “Your job is to help him register at the hardware store.”

“You mean like a house-warming party for a shed?” I asked, trying to be certain I understood the plan. I wondered if hardware stores had gift registries.

Going to prison terrified Cara. For the first time in a long time, she faced a problem money might not fix. If I were in her shoes, I doubted I’d be planning a party.  I doubted I could plan one while hiding under my bed, or fleeing to Mexico. 

I admired people who moved forward despite their fears. Not letting fear rule them enabled people to get clean and sober, end bad relationships, and start new jobs. 

Today I will move forward despite my fears.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Foggy

At dinner that night we talked about the kids’ plans. Brat Boy would leave for Pitt in the fall to study electrical engineering.  Blondie was talking about going to graduate school.  What had happened to the little kids I used to watch cartoons with?

A friend of mine had struggled with drinking while his kids were growing up. He’d said his recollection of their childhoods was like a merry-go-round in a thick fog.  He’d get deep into the bottle, their lives would keep turning, he’d sober up, and when they came back around they were older.  One day they left home and he hasn’t seen much of them since.

Brat Boy’s and Blondie’s childhoods had spun past too fast for my liking, but I hadn’t been in a fog. I remembered the little girl who followed me everywhere.  I thought of the boy who couldn’t wait to show me what he’d built from the 10 million piece construction set he’d gotten for Christmas. If I had been in an alcoholic fog, I would have missed most of it, and probably not known until it was too late what I was missing.

Today I’ll be grateful to be out of the fog.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Not My Kid

The next day Blondie drove home to switch cars so I could get hers inspected.  I found it in the glove box when I went fishing for her insurance card and registration. My heart sank.

“What is this?” I said, throwing it on the kitchen table.

“Daddy, I was in high school,” Blondie said, not looking me in the eye.

“You exposed your brother to this?” I asked.  Blondie and Brat Boy had ridden to school together her senior year. “He was fourteen years old, his brain still forming.” I shook my head. “What if he had gotten hooked on this stuff?”

Silence.

I picked up her phone, and bought Led Zeppelin’s Physical Graffiti from iTunes. “Listen to the whole thing. Twice. Consider this your detox.”

I stared at the Justin Bieber CD on the kitchen table. You never think it’s going to be your kid.  After Blondie escaped to her room, I said to the dog, “People recover from almost anything,” A wave of gratitude washed over me.

Today I’ll be grateful people can recover from almost anything.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Annoying Friends

To my surprise, Cara seemed sober.  She was back to ranting about how unfairly she had been treated by the legal system, but she didn’t smell like booze. She was steady on her feet.

Cara said, “My lawyer thinks I’ll be put on house arrest, but he…”

I hugged her.  For all her faults, she was still my friend.  I liked her in small doses, but I liked her just the same.

“I’m glad you’re back,” I said.

Today I’ll be grateful for friends, even if they annoy me.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Bounce

That night I went to Trevor’s garage to help him set up his new shop.  I expected him to be a little down, but he was happy to be starting over. His ex-wife stopped by drop off some tools he’d left at their house when they divorced.

“Trevor could always bounce back from a disaster,” she told me. “He would create impossible problems for himself with his drinking, and then find a way to dig out."

“Looks like he’s doing it again,” I said.

She smiled and pointed to the electrician wiring an outlet. “This time’s different. He’s letting a professional help him. That’s not bouncing back, that’s bouncing forward.”

Cara pulled up in her Mercedes. Rather than park two cars back on the street, she drove onto the lawn.  I was fairly certain she had lost her license. Cara had bounced right back to where she had been.

If I fall today, I will try to bounce forward, not back.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Today's Message

Simple Explanation

I walked into the group room to get something from the
closet.  Todd, a forty-something who was court-
ordered to treatment, asked if I had seen the latest episode of “Game of
Thrones.” I told him I had.

“You know fire-breathing dragons really did exist,” he said.

“I don’t think so,” I said, thinking he was joking.

“It’s true. The glands that let them spit fire would rot
when they died.  The liquid in those
glands leaked out and dissolved their heads and necks.  The wings and torso were left.  The scientists who found them assumed they
were partial pterodactyl skeletons.”

‘Or they might just have been partial pterodactyl
skeletons,’ I thought.

Todd had three DUI convictions, and two arrests for drug
trafficking with one case pending. His third wife had just filed for divorce.
The simple explanation was he was a drug dealer who did stupid things when he
drank.

I wanted to argue with Todd, but I knew he couldn’t accept
simple explanations for his problems. 
Todd said his arrests and divorce involved a massive conspiracy between
his former boss, the police union, rival dealers, and the people who make shock
collars for dogs.  (He was convinced they
contained listening devices and thermal scanners.)  

Accepting the simple explanation would have saved Todd a lot
of grief. 

Today I’ll accept the simple explanation for my problems.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between
the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken
Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com
https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Worry Not

A week later I saw Trevor talking to Roger and a guy named Darren who sometimes came to the Monday Knights meeting.

Darren was an electrician. He agreed to wire Trevor’s shed if Roger fixed his motorcycle. Roger agreed to fix Darren’s bike if Trevor refinished his grandmother’s heirloom rocking chair.

Until then I hadn’t realized how worried I was about Trevor wiring his shed.  There were other things I worried about, but I was grateful to eliminate that concern. 

I sat down with my coffee and started writing a list of things I didn’t have to worry about.  

Today I’ll be grateful for worries I don’t have.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

The Passing Game

As we were loading the bins into my car, Brat Boy held up a small socket set. “You sure you want to give this away?” he asked. I wasn’t.

The set had been my Uncle Tony’s. When he had a stroke, my Aunt Ruth gave it to my dad.  When my dad moved in with my sister, he gave it to me. It held sentimental value.

That socket set also had a coating of dust on the case. I had another set I used. Brat Boy had picked up a toolbox filled with sockets and wrenches at a garage sale. 

I wanted to keep the sockets. Knowing my uncle and my dad had used them made me smile. Seeing the case was dusty chipped away a little of my happiness.  I also wanted to know they were being put to good use.

They say in AA, to keep what you have, you have to pass it along.  If you want to keep your sobriety, help other people stay sober.  If I wanted to keep the good feeling about the tools, I’d have to give them away.

 “No sense in keeping it,” I said, “Trevor needs it more than we do.”

Today I’ll keep what I have by passing it along.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Stirred, Not Shaken
The next day I went to my workbench. I didn’t have a lot of woodworking tools, but I gathered up what I had. I filled a large plastic bin with a square, some sanding blocks, a couple chisels, two hand saws, a miter saw, wood glue, and boxes of wood screws.

Brat Boy pulled into the garage.  I told him about the fire. “I’m giving this stuff to Trevor to help him start over.”

He grabbed another bin and filled it with leftover paints, stains, and varnishes from a shelf next to the workbench.

“I wonder if some of that stuff is still good,” I said. I pointed to a can of stain. “That’s gotta be fifteen years old.”

Brat Boy held up the can. “Stir it up and it’ll probably still be good.”

Brat Boy was talking about the stain, but I liked what he said. Sometimes you have to stir up things for them to be good again. Sometimes you have to address problems it would be easier to ignore. Sometimes you have to reach out to fix a broken relationship.

Today I may have to stir things up.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Learner’s Permit

A few days after The Strip Club burned, we learned the fire started in an electrical outlet. Trevor had done much of the wiring himself.  Because he hadn’t hired a qualified electrician, the insurance company wasn’t going to pay for most of the damage.

“I guess this time you’ll have a professional do the wiring,” Roger said.

Trevor looked at his shoes.  “I know I should, but money is going to be tight.” He pointed to a shed. “I may have to work from there and wire it myself.”

I stared at him. He stared back. I stared some more. Finally, he said, “What? It’s a smaller job, and I know what I did wrong.”

Today I will learn from people who never learn from their mistakes.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Starting Over

I settled into my chair, donut in one hand, coffee in the other. I shut my eyes, smelled my coffee, and felt the warmth of the cup spread to my fingers. Relaxation washed over me. And then I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“We gotta go,” Roger said.

“No,” I said, my eyes still closed. “We don’t have to do anything. I have to drink my coffee. Maybe you gotta go.”

“Trevor’s shop is on fire.”

The Strip Club, Trevor’s furniture restoration shop, was full of wood, paint thinners, and varnishes. It went up like a road flare. By the time we got there, the shop had burned to a smoking heap.

I expected him to be crushed. Maybe he was in shock, but he smiled when he saw us.

“Wasn’t a total loss,” he said, holding up a sander. “I have the first tool I’ll need to start over.”

In his shoes, I thought I’d be crushed. All his hard work had gone up in flames. Trevor was already planning to rebuild.

Today I look for inspiration from people who start over.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Becalmed
I don’t know how, but Billie convinced Cara’s husband not to bail her out right away.  A week later Cara was at the Monday Knights meeting. Five days in jail had taken the wind out of her sails. She was quieter, calmer, and not the center of attention.

Sailors used to say a sailing ship was ‘becalmed’ when the wind died. They might be stuck in the middle of the ocean for days.  Rather than focus on their predicament, they’d clean and fix the ship.

Being becalmed delayed a sailor’s journey, but gave them a chance to take stock and fix things. I hoped a becalmed Cara would take a look at her life and fix a few things.

Today I'll try not to complain if life takes the wind out of my sails.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Decisions, Decisions

It was 4:00 a.m. when I hung up the phone. I tried to go back to sleep, but my mind wasn’t having it. The AA meeting had been over at 9:00. We left the parking lot before 10:00.  Cara had called four hours later. What had she been doing, driving around drunk?

Roger and I had decided to call 911 to tell them Cara was driving drunk. It had been the right thing to do, but we had still felt bad about it.  I was grateful we had.  How much longer would she have been on the road if we hadn’t, I wondered?

There were many times in my life I’d made the wrong decision.  I thought about the series of poor choices that lead to my final drink, the night I crashed into the county sheriff.  The list was long and depressing. 

As I stumbled into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, I started listing the good decisions I’d made.  Brat Boy had taken apart something, probably something we were still using, and left electronic parts and tiny screws all over the kitchen table.  Blondie had brought her laundry home from college. From the size of the pile, I guessed she washed her clothes annually.

“Having kids was the right decision,” I said to the dog.  She didn’t seem convinced.

Today I’ll be grateful for making the right decision.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fault Lines

“Well you better do something,” Cara said. “You’re partly responsible for me being here.” She hung up the phone.  Until that moment I had felt sorry for my friend.

Her sense of entitlement was astounding. She had dug herself a deep hole.  Now Cara expected me to make phone calls, pull strings, and get her out.

I wanted to call the jail to make sure they did a thorough cavity search. ‘She’s always got a stamp bag hidden somewhere,’ I’d say. ‘By the way, she’s allergic to just about everything.  Better put her on a really bland diet.’

Instead, I called Cara’s husband. I was surprised he was more sad than angry. He told me how he loved the fun side of Cara, the way she cared for animals, and how she got a kick out of life. He hoped he could get the charges dropped, at least the most serious ones.

“Cara blew up your car,” I reminded him.

“Cara and I can get past this,” he said. He was a man deeply in love with his wife despite all her faults.  It got me to thinking of the people loved me despite my faults.

Today I’ll be grateful for people who love me despite my faults.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Honey, Why is There a Concrete Moose in the Yard?

My phone rang at 3:00 a.m. My wife and children were home. Had something bad happened to my brother? One of my sisters? Nieces, nephews? A friend? I stared at the phone through two more rings, not recognizing the number on the screen.

I picked up. Cara had been spotted by the local police. When they tried to pull her over she drove straight to the station.

Apparently, she parked in the grass in front of the municipal center, jumped out of her car, and raced into the station to turn herself in before they could arrest her. 

“You know how to talk to these people,” she said. “Tell them I surrendered voluntarily, I should be allowed to leave. I will return voluntarily.”

Cara was a smart woman rendered clueless by alcohol and money. She believed she could blow up a million dollars in property, skip court, drive drunk to the station, and leave.  She reminded me of a guy I knew who bought a life-size concrete moose for his front yard because he was drunk and it was payday.

“I’ll do what I can,” I said, too tired to argue. ‘All I can do is learn from my clueless friends,’ I thought.   

Today I will be grateful for clueless people.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

On The Road Again

Roger called 911 and gave them Cara’s license plate number and a description of her car.  We shook hands and went our separate ways.

I had no doubt Cara wasn’t the only one driving drunk that night.  Other people behind the wheel were likely under the influence of opiates, prescribed and otherwise.  Drivers texting, not paying attention, or driving tired, shared the road with me.

I thought how I’d likely go the rest of my life without being in another accident. Or, another car might hit me that night.

When I got home, I hugged Blondie and Brat Boy, and kissed Dr. Deb, grateful to see them again.

Today I’ll be grateful for getting where I’m going.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Unfriendly Friends

That’s when Cara drove up, rolling to a halt inches from Roger’s motorcycle.  She stumbled out of her car.  “Did I miss the meeting?” she asked. “Damn. Alright, I’ll catch you boys later.”

“Cara I will drive you anywhere you want to go, but if you get back in that car I have to call the police,” I said, praying she wouldn’t insist on driving. Knowing she probably would.

“Snitches get stitches,” she said.  Apparently, the ten hours she’d spent in jail had transformed her from rich suburban housewife to gangsta.

Roger rolled his eyes. “What prison gang did you join?” he asked Cara sarcastically. “Versace’s Vandals? Dior Devils? Give me your keys.”

“Next you’re going to say friends don’t let friends drive drunk. Well, friends don’t call the police on friends who have a warrant out for their arrest.” She seemed strangely proud to be wanted by the cops. Cara hopped in her car and backed away before we could stop her.

“I’ll call,” I said to Roger.  “She could kill someone.”

Today I may have to do something unfriendly to be a friend.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Charge

“Have any interest in going to the Pirate game tomorrow?” Roger asked when he saw me in the parking lot. Even in his thug days Roger had been a big baseball fan.

“None whatsoever,” I said.

“Might be a nice day.  This year the concession stands have kielbasa and pierogis in a waffle cone. With or without chicken gravy.”

“As appetizing as that sounds, sitting in a cramped seat for hours while people all around me guzzle beer doesn’t appeal to me.”

“What are you going to do instead? Sit home and watch TV?” he asked.

“Blondie will be home so we’ll all go out to breakfast.  I’ll do yard work until it gets hot.  Then I’ll ride my bike for a couple hours.  In the evening Dr. Deb and I will put on a movie and fall asleep on the couch.”

“Not very exciting,” Roger said, shaking his head.  “You been looking kinda down lately. A little excitement, some crowd noise, might recharge your batteries.”

Baseball recharged Roger batteries.  For me, not so much.

“Family time recharges my batteries,” I said.  “I’m more likely to jumpstart a car with a triple-A battery than I am to get excited by baseball.”

Today I will recharge my batteries in whatever way works for me.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

More Issues Than a Newsstand

“Why do you think you have trouble making decisions?” I asked the speaker.

“My parents never fought with each other, they just took their anger out on me,” he said. “No decision I ever made was the right choice.  No matter what I accomplished, I should have done better.”

“Did you know growing up they were putting their anger onto you?”

“No. I know it now.  Today when I have to make a decision I take a deep breath, remember that any anxiety I feel comes from my parents’ insanity, and decide.”

“What happened with you and your folks?”

“They divorced ten years after I left home.  They blamed it on the stress I caused them with my career choices. Hate to admit it, but I see them as little as possible.”

“At least you keep their issues at arm’s length,” I said, feeling a little sad for him.

Today I will not accept other people’s issues.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

It’s Not You, It’s Me

I was last in line to thank the speaker.

“You must be glad you’re out of politics,” I said. “No more big decisions to drink over.”

“I thought politics made me drink,” he said.  “Looking back I see I always struggled to make decisions.”

 “Big decisions and little ones?”

“Both. It takes me forever to order in a restaurant. I was engaged to one woman, broke that off and got engaged to her friend. I broke that engagement and married the first one.  Her friend contributed $10,000 to my opponent when I ran for Congress.”

He took a sip of his coffee.

“I’d always thought the problem was the decision. Now I know most of the problem was the decision-maker, me. I have an irrational fear of making the wrong choice. ” He shook his head and added, “I’m working on it.”

Today I’ll look inward to see if some of the problem isn’t me.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

ODAAT

We got in line to thank the speaker. Sue stood in front of us.

Roger said, “Hi Sue.” He smiled.

“Go ahead, Roger,” Sue said. “Say I’ve got that pregnant glow. I dare you.”

I laughed. Sue glared at me. “And you, Mr. Thinks He’s Clever Writer Man, give me one piece of advice and I’ll cut you. I swear I will.”

Sue went on to describe in graphic detail what she wasn’t enjoying about being pregnant.  When she was done, she laughed and said, “I’m so ready to deliver. I’ll get through this, one day at a time.  You know what I’m grateful for?”

I was afraid to answer. I shook my head.

“There’s an end date in sight. It’s hard to live one day at a time when you don’t know how many days that might be.”

I started to offer advice on living one day at time, but decided I didn’t want to get cut.

Today I’ll live one day at a time, with or without an end date in sight.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/