Lucky Me

The next day was a fall Saturday. We’d slept with the windows open and the air was crisp. The covers formed a warm cocoon.  

A low woof. Maybe the dog’s just clearing her throat, I thought.

A bark. Maybe I’m dreaming. I looked at the clock 3:52 a.m. I shut my eyes tight.

Another, louder bark.  Dr. Deb didn’t stir. I peered over her shoulder to see if her eyes were open.

A whining sound. Was this animal really descended from wolves? Wolves don’t whine.  Brat Boy was home and his bedroom door was open. How could he not hear this?

Over the years I’d learned that while everybody loved the dogs, nobody but me could hear them bark to be let out.

Annoyed, I got out of bed.  

As the dog walked back and forth looking for the ideal spot to kill the grass, I tried to put things in perspective. People were waking up in jail. People were lying awake, wondering how they’d make it through the day. People were tethered to machines in hospitals. Some wouldn’t wake up.

I was lucky.

Today I’ll wake up to how lucky I’ve been.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

In the Company of Peacock Bass and Piranha

The Youngstown Kid was saying something about the church he wanted to start. In my mind we were fishing a beautiful South American river.  I imagine The Kid saying he’s going for a swim. Our guide shakes his head, “Piranha.”

The Youngstown Kid insists there are no piranha this far south.  He wades in up to his neck, then disappears as the water boils with teeth and fins.

“Will the blood attract other fish?” I ask the guide.

“Si,” the guide says, offering me a sandwich from the cooler. “Peacock bass will come.”

Even though he’s a figment of my imagination, I enjoy the guide’s company. 

“So,” The Kid says in a serious tone, “I’ll need you to write the Meta Bible by combining all the holy writings of the major religions.”  Back to reality.

“There’s something I have to write first,” I said. In my head I started a list of all the people whose company I enjoyed.

Today I’ll be grateful for all the people whose company I enjoy.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Patience

Two days later The Youngstown Kid picked me up to plant signs for Roger. He drove because people said he was the safest driver they knew. As I got into his vintage Mustang, he explained why car buffs thought that particular model year was the best Ford every made.

As he rambled on and on, I found myself being less and less annoyed. I put myself in his narcissistic shoes for a moment. Pity washed over me as I imagined what it would be like to be The Kid.  I was sure people avoided him, I’d seen them do it. I avoided him when I could. 

The Youngstown Kid believed he was special in many ways. Yet, he lived a very ordinary life. I wondered if he saw the world as aligned against him, threatened by his imagined greatness, holding him back.  How frustrating that would be.

Understanding The Kid didn’t make being around him any easier.  It did make me a little more patient, knowing he had his own cross to bear. 

Today I’ll try to be a little more patient with people.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

For Example

“Hey, I appreciate you doing this for me,” Roger said. “I know you got a lot going on.”

“No problem,” I said, “happy to help.”

“I’d say I have a fifty-fifty chance at best. We might be wasting a whole lot of time on a losing cause.”

“True, but some people will see a former drug thug who turned his life around and think ‘maybe I could do that too.’ You’re setting a good example just by running.”

“Hope you’re right,” Roger said.  “By the way, and don’t get mad, but I need you to go with Youngstown Kid to put up signs.  I’m going with Trevor.”

“I’ll try not to strangle The Kid,” I said.  “That would set a bad example.”

Today, win or lose, I will try to set a good example.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

I Make Me So Mad

“By the way,” Roger said, “The Youngstown Kid offered to help with the campaign.”

I shook my head, “No he didn’t. He offered to run the campaign.”

Roger read my expression and asked why I had such a strong reaction. “The Kid is harmless, and he wants to help.”

“He’s a narcissist. Even when I was a therapist, I never liked dealing with narcissism.  Listening to someone brag gets old fast.”

“And public praise makes you uncomfortable. I’ve seen you squirm when you get a compliment.  Ever think some of your issue with The Youngstown Kid comes from your issues?”

“Maybe,” I said, knowing he was right.

Today I’ll look at my issues with someone to see if they’re not just my issues.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fear of Success

“Did you hear about Trevor?” Roger asked.

“Oh no, now what?” I asked.

“Good news. A big furniture company wants to sign him on as a designer. Only problem is, he’s a little afraid to take the job.”

“Why?” I asked. “That’s his dream job.  All the tools and resources he’d ever need to succeed.”

“I think he fears success, but doesn’t know it. Deep down he thinks success will change him. More money, but more responsibility.    Greater exposure means more people to like his designs, but more people to not like them. I’m afraid he’s going to sabotage this so he can fail and get it over with.”

“It’s like the all the people we know who relapsed just shy of one year clean.  They see the date as a sign they’ve succeeded, and fear success will mean no more excuses, more responsibility.  They overlook the rewards.”

Trevor laughed. “We, and by ‘we’ I mean you counselor guy, have to help him see he fears success, and needs to face this fear.”

“Lucky me.”

Today I’ll work through my fear of success.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Where You From

“Am I crazy for running for school board?” Roger asked.

“What’s the point of that slogan ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired’?” I asked.

“Life gets better when people give up bad habits.  They forget why they quit drinking, or binge eating, or whatever.  The slogan reminds them why they quit in the first place.”

“You’re sick and tired of all the politics and mismanagement in your school district.  That’s not crazy.  Crazy would be getting elected, turning things around, and forgetting why you ran in the first place.  Maybe slipping into politics and shady deals yourself.”

“My mom used to say enjoy where you are, but don’t forget where you came from, why you left there.”

Today I will enjoy how far I’ve come without forgetting where I came from.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Uphill Battles

Roger called to see if I’d help him put up signs for his school board campaign.

“It’s gonna be an uphill battle,” Roger said.  “People will need to be convinced I’m not the bad guy I used to be.”

I said, “You know that steep hill in my backyard? I cut it up and down instead of side to side.”

“Don’t know what that has to do with the school board, and isn’t that a little dangerous?” Roger asked.

“You sound like Blondie. Maybe a little, but it’s a tremendous workout.  Pushing my mower uphill when the bag is full really builds leg strength.  Doing well in a tough election against a smart opponent could build your political strength.”

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t mind an easy victory over a stupid opponent,” Roger said, smiling.

Today I’ll be grateful for uphill battles.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Charge

“OK,” Blondie said, “You can do your bike ride, but I don’t see why you can’t just go to the gym. They have stationary bikes that don’t move into the way of other bikes and traffic.”

I held up my phone. “Every couple of days I recharge this.  If I keep the phone long enough the battery won’t hold a charge. If that happens I will get a new battery and recharge it.

“I want to recharge my batteries when I’m worn down.  When the old ways of recharging my batteries don’t work, I want to find something new. Going to the gym was the old way. Long distance biking is a whole new battery.”

Brat Boy said to Blondie, “So his point is when something’s old and run down, and has no energy, and the screen’s all cracked and lined and looks dated, don’t throw it away.” He gestured toward me, I jabbed his forearm with my fork.

“Treat yourself as well as you’d treat your phone,” I said. “That’s the point.”

Today I’ll treat myself as well as I treat my phone.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Whatcha Worried About?

“You’re going to wear your helmet, right?” Blondie asked me.  Somehow early on she had become convinced I wasn’t very safety conscious.

“Always,” I said, knowing it wasn't entirely true and thinking maybe I’d given her reason to worry.

“Will you be on a dangerous road?”

“No, kiddo, the whole course is a trail that used to be train tracks.”

Brat Boy chimed in, “Will you be encased in two layers of bubble wrap?  Have Secret Service protection? Training wheels?” Blondie elbowed him in the ribs hard enough to knock the laugh out of him.  Apparently she wasn’t all that concerned about his health and well-being.

“I’ll be careful,” I assured her. The worried look melted into a smile, but it reminded of the faces I’d seen at Family Night at the rehab. Family members feared their loved ones would drink and drive, overdose, ruin a relationship, or put a job in jeopardy.

I was grateful my family need not worry about me.

Today I won’t give people a reason to worry about me.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Eating Bugs

The next day was Sunday.  Brat Boy and Blondie came home for dinner.  “So, are you going to do the metric century race?” Blondie asked.

“What’s a metric century?” Brat Boy asked.

“It’s a bike ride,” I said. “One hundred kilometers, about 62 miles.”  

“Oh, that sounds like a good time,” Brat Boy said, laughing. “Six hours on a metal bike seat, hunched over, eating bugs that fly into your mouth as you gasp for breath.”

I laughed too. “I think I can do it in four hours. There’s a little padding on the seat, and the bugs are tiny, you hardly notice you’re eating them.  Besides, it’s something new. Been awhile since I tried something new.”

Blondie looked skeptical.  I said, “Listen, we see people at the rehab who tried every drug under the sun but won’t try anything new once they get sober.  They’re bored, and they struggle to stay clean.”

Brat Boy got it. “When one door closes, you don’t sit down and lean against it, you look for an open door.”

Today I will look for a new door to open.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com 

Time to Change

“Where is Trevor?” Sam asked.

“Date night,” I said. “He’s taking his ex-wife to dinner.”

“You’re kidding, right? She used to hate him.  I guess time really does heal all wounds.”

“I don’t know about that. I do believe time and change go a long way to healing most wounds.”

Sam thought for a moment before saying, “It’s not just changing. It’s growing, growing up.  Trevor was a little drunk boy playing cop when he got kicked off the force. He’s a better man now.”

Today I’ll let time pass as I try to grow.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Imagine That

The next time I saw Sam I asked him about Pam and the Dean. He looked embarrassed.

“He wasn’t sleeping with Pam,” Sam said. “The Dean was recruiting her for the Office of Student Affairs. She’s now in charge of student discipline.  God help the kids.”

“You made yourself miserable over something you only imagined happening, something that wasn’t your concern anymore.”

“Well, when you put it that way…”

I smiled. “Listen, you’re not the only one tortured by his imagination.  Trevor won’t go to the doctor because he imagines himself dying a horrible death due to medical error.  Never ask him why he won’t get a colonoscopy.”

Sam laughed. I went on.

“Billie fears she’ll be the one making the medical error.  Roger thinks every call on his landline might be a sheriff calling about a twenty-year-old arrest warrant. He doesn’t have to imagine what prison is like.”

“Our imaginations can torture us if we let them,” Sam said.  I didn’t tell him that I hated flying because I imagined myself feeling trapped, panicking, and tearing open the emergency exit door at 35,000 feet to escape.

Today I won’t let my imagination run wild.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Let It Go Completely

Sam called me a few days later. “Pam slept with the Dean,” he said.

“Dean who?” I asked.

“The Dean. The Dean of the Student Affairs. Ironic name, since he’s married. OK, he’s separated, but still.”

“How do you know she slept with The Dean?”

“I saw them having lunch together.”

 I searched for something supportive to say to my friend to ease his despair. “You’re an idiot.  Do you sleep with everyone you have lunch with?  Besides, you don’t want Pam.  You just don’t want her to see somebody else.  Let it go.  Let it go completely.”

“I have,” Sam insisted.

“You’re like the guy who goes to the bar to drink Pepsi.  Can’t drink, can’t let go of the drinking lifestyle. Holding on a little never works out well. You’ll make yourself miserable over Pam, the guy in the bar will eventually drink.”

 

Today I will let go completely

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

The Challenge

The next day I got a flyer for a bike ride.  I could choose to ride 24, 44, or 62 miles.  Almost every weekend I rode 35 miles.  The 24-mile run seemed easy, the 44 doable.  I debated about which one to choose.

I had coached Blondie and Brat Boy’s teams, preaching effort over time was the key to success.  What would they think if they knew I was taking the easy route?

People who start a business, go to school, have children accept the challenge of a long ride.  People who get sober do it one day at a time, but hopefully many days in a row. 

“I’ll take it one mile at a time,” I said out loud. 

I registered for the 62-mile run.

Today I will accept a challenge.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Burdens

Changing the subject, I asked Billie if she was still working on her master’s degree. 

“I am, but part-time,” she said.

“Just part-time?” Cara asked.

“There’s no ‘just’ about it,” Billie answered, a scowl on her face.  “I have a lot going on and part-time is the best I can do under the circumstances.”

Cara seemed unconvinced. I pulled an imaginary lever. In my mind a trap door opened up and Cara disappeared into the mildly uncomfortable section of hell reserved for clueless people who mean well.

“With the burden you’re carrying,” I said to Billie, “I gotta admire the progress you’re making on that degree.”

Today I’ll consider my burden when I judge my progress.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Good Ideas Twisted

To break the silence, I asked Cara why she had signed a contract with a caterer.  “It wasn’t your wedding,” I said, pointing out the obvious.

“Sam and Pam wouldn’t have spent the money they should on their wedding. I refused to enable their cheapness.”

“Not enabling someone’s addiction is a good idea because addiction kills people,” I said. “It’s OK to enable grown people to save money.”

Sue, who still didn’t know Cara well, said, “I think paying for their reception would have been a beautiful gesture.”

“Thank you,” Cara said with a smug smile.  “And, I was going to let them take as long as they liked to pay me back, without interest.”  Sue’s jaw dropped.

Roger laughed. “Oh, there’d be interest alright! Every time Cara needed a favor she’d remind them of the money they owed her.”

Once again I was amazed at Cara’s ability to take a good idea like not enabling and use it to manipulate people.  I’d seen too many others twist religion, Twelve Step principles, family loyalty, patriotism, and the like to their own ends.

Today I won’t be manipulated by misused good ideas.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

When Right is Wrong

A week later Sam told us he’d broken off his engagement.  Pam had told Sam he’d broken her heart. Pam’s dad had threatened to break Sam’s jaw. Cara threatened to sue Sam if she couldn’t break the contract she’d signed with the caterer.

Billie and Kim said Sam had done the right thing, but weren’t happy with the way he’d broken off the engagement.

 “At lunch, in a building where you both teach,” Kim said, “dumb.”

“You should have gone to her house after work,” Billie added.  Kim, Billie, Sue, and Cara all glared at Sam. I couldn’t be sure, but it looked like Baby Katie was glaring at him too.

Today I will accept people finding fault, even if I’m doing the right thing.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Power Through

Brat Boy texted me that he had volleyball tryouts that night. His chronic heel pain was flaring up, and he’d felt a tightness in his quad he couldn’t stretch out.  Jumping would hurt.

‘What are you going to do?’ I texted back.

He replied, ‘Power through, not much else I can do.’

He’s right, I thought. Sometimes you can’t go around things, you can’t take a different path. As they say in AA, there’s no easier, softer way. 

Today I will power through.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Today and Tomorrow

After the meeting I thanked the speaker and went home.  I’d lived in the same house for 27 years.  It would have been easy to forget how lucky I was to live there.

Many people’s addictions landed them on the streets, in shelters, or jail.  Others lived in homes where you could cut the tension with a knife because of someone’s drunken mood swings.  Day after day, year after year, they pretended nothing was wrong while everyone walked on eggshells. 

I couldn’t do the math in my head, but I knew I’d come home to the same happy home for thousands of days.  

“The trick,” I said to myself, “is to not take anything for granted, to be as grateful tomorrow as you are today, even if nothing has changed.”

Today I’ll be grateful for many of the things I was grateful for yesterday.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/