Fawlty Showers

“Oh, I see you have a badge…”

I had been asked to give my lead at the Monday Night No More Shots AA meeting. The No More Shots group had been started by a group of nurses in recovery. 

On that day in October of 2025 I had almost 37 years sober. I’d told my story hundreds of times to thousands of people. I had grown tired of repeating it.

“The last time I had a drink I made an illegal left and hit a county sheriff…” I started, telling the familiar tale of a me I hardly remembered.

They say people who don’t remember history are doomed to repeat it. I’d learned people who didn’t remember their addictive past were also doomed to repeat it, sinking lower each time. I spoke that night to remind myself the past was only a drink away.

Today I will remember lessons from the past.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

 Fawlty Showers

Calm

The rest of the day went by slowly as I checked off items from the 2Do list Randy had left me.  I felt very little stress.

 People I knew had loved ones struggling with addiction. They dreaded the late night phone call. Others were caring for elderly parents, and the demands were taking a toll. Some were waiting for test results, or wondering if they might lose their jobs.

I felt their pain. I’d had times in my life when stress-free moments were few and far between. Knowing there would always be stressful times, I tried not to take the calm for granted.  

Today I’ll be grateful for stress-free minutes, hours, and days.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Dancing Ferrets 

I wasn’t sure how to bring it up, so I just asked. “Hey Katy, Randy called me late last night to suggest we round up people in a van and drive them to the desert to detox.”

“Oh no,” Katy said.

“And, well, I was wondering if our boss drinks, or maybe does a little coke.”

“No, but he hates to sleep. His twin died in his sleep. When he’s been awake too long, Randy has to share his crazy ideas.”

“How crazy?” I asked.

“I had to talk him out of buying three more ferrets, and teaching them to dance.  You’ve heard of the Radio City Musical Hall Rockettes? He was going to call his dancing critters the ‘Ferrettes.’”

I was immediately grateful I could sleep, and sorry I had been quick to judge Randy.

Today I’ll be a little slower to judge other people.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers 

Lasting Impressions Made One Day At A Time

I used the intercom to ask Katy if the ferret had a name.

“Moondoggy Alpha,” Katy said, “but he prefers to be called M.A.”

“How’d he get here?” I asked.

Katy made a sound equal parts disgust and anger. “The previous building owner left M.A. behind, along with the lasting impression of a selfish little boy in a man’s body, all ego and no work ethic.”

I started to say something, but Katy wasn’t finished.

“People talk about what they’ll leave behind when they die. You leave behind something every day. Maybe just an impression, maybe a little inspiration, maybe some scorn.”

“Not sure I know what you mean,” I said.

“So, I’ve heard you’ve been sober a long time. Each new day I’ll be just a tiny fraction happier for you, and teeny bit more sure people can turn their lives around. That’s the impression you’ll leave today.”

Today I’ll be conscious of what I leave behind.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Looking Out

I picked up the Gummi bear.  The ferret smiled again. “I really am losing my mind,” I said. “Ferrets don’t smile.”

Cuddles the cat got up and walked to the door. He looked both ways down the hall, and then turned and looked at the ferret. Did he nod? They left together.

“Did Cuddles really check to see if the coast was clear for the ferret?” I asked my new laptop.
“It can’t be, but it looks like the cat looks out for the ferret.”

Setting aside the idea I might be losing my mind, I mentally listed all the people looking out for me: friends and family, my doctor, my dentist, neighbors, first responders, etc. 

I thought about all the people who’d helped me get sober, who I could still call upon if I should struggle with my recovery.

“I’m grateful to you all,” I said.

Today I’ll be grateful for all the people looking out for my well-being.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

Gestures Not Involving a Single Finger

Cuddles walked to the door, looked left to right, and waited. I heard a chattering sound I hadn’t heard in years.

A ferret, dragging something in his mouth, scampered into my office. Cuddles returned to his perch on the box. The ferret dropped a Gummi Bear on the floor by my desk and looked up at me. He smiled.

Ferrets don’t smile. They scurry, they play, they hide whatever they can drag away including wallets and car keys, but they don’t smile. This one did.

I wondered if I was losing my mind a little, but I smiled back.

Sometimes the smallest gesture makes the biggest difference. Somebody holding the elevator, or slowing down to let me onto the highway can restore my faith in humanity. I discovered that morning that sometimes that somebody is a ferret.

I made up my mind to pass along the ferret’s gesture of goodwill.    

Today I will make the small gesture of goodwill.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 FAWLTY SHOWERS

Survivors

An hour later the cat wandered in. “What’s the cat’s name?” I shouted to Katy.

“Cuddles,” she shouted back. “And this is 2025. Intercom systems have been around for at least 100 years. Use ours.”

Cuddles sat on the overturned laptop box staring at me. A piece of his right ear was missing. The tip of his tail was bent. He walked with a slight limp. The crescent shaped scar over his left eye gave him a perpetually angry look.

He let me scratch behind his ears. “All you’ve been through,” I said, “And you still purr. You are a survivor.”

I thought of all the people I’d met over the years who’d quietly overcome all life could throw at them. I was sorry for their suffering, but grateful for their example.

Today I’ll be grateful for the example set by the survivors.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 FAWLTY SHOWERS

Joy Shared

Katie wandered into my office carrying a box of chocolates and a card. The card said ‘Congratulations on Your New Job!’ on the outside.

Inside my son’s girlfriend CharChar had written, ‘Congrats! I don’t blame you for all of Brat Boy’s faults.’ She’d added three hearts. 

My son Brat Boy had written, “You owe me $250 for the chocolates, $150 for delivery, and $100 for keeping Blondie and TyGuy from eating them.”

Next to a row of 15 hearts, my daughter Blondie had written ‘More hearts, more love.’ An arrow pointed to the three hearts under CharChar’s signature.

Her boyfriend TyGuy claimed the chocolates were his idea, and he’d only let the other three sign the card because he thought I’d be sad if I knew he was the only one who truly cared about me.

I laughed out loud. I had some misgivings about the new job, but they’d doubled the joy I felt about the possibilities.

Today I’ll remember joy shared is doubled.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Understanding/Enabling

“You’ve met the Wicked Witch of the West End?” Dana asked, gesturing toward Abigail’s office.

“I’ve had the pleasure,” I said.

Dana sighed. “If you knew her family, you’d understand why she is the way she is.”

“So I should cut her some slack?”

Dana shook her head. “No, never.  I’m saying don’t take it personally, don’t judge her too harshly, but don’t enable her control freak nature.”

I nodded. “You try to understand how and why someone does something harmful, but you never make it easy for them to keep doing it.”

Today I’ll try to understand without enabling.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Like II

I set up my laptop, opening it with the password Katie had given me: GrayGuy65.

A woman in her early forties carrying a box of donuts walked into my office.

“Hi, I’m Dana,” she said, setting the box on my desk for me to pick one. She stared at the picture of my wife. “She’s very pretty. Why’d she marry you? ” We’d just met and Dana was insulting me already. I took an instant liking to her.

“Is completing this internship part of a parole agreement?” I asked.

“We’re not going to get along, are we?” she answered, laughing.

“I don’t think so,” I said, certain we would.

Today I’ll be grateful for all the people I do like.

 

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 FAWLTY SHOWERS

Like

After Katie went back to her desk, a tall young blonde woman walked into my office.  The cat followed her, purring. She reminded me of my daughter, and I thought, ‘I’m going to like her.’

I was wrong.

Her name was Abigail, please don’t call her Abby. She asked that I not park in her space or leave a mess in the kitchen. Her lunch and condiments always had her name on them. I was not to touch them. The list of ‘nots’ and ‘don’ts’ went on.

“And we’ll get along fine,” she added.

Over the years, I’d seen too many people leave AA, churches, or organizations because of someone they didn’t like.  I’d finally learned to accept I wasn’t going to like everyone, and not let one person drive me away.

I smiled, said, “I’m sure we will,” absolutely certain we wouldn’t.

Today I will accept I’m not going to like everyone.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Laptops

Katie showed me to my office. It had a working door.  The walls had been freshly painted, and a laptop still in the box sat on my desk.

 

Katie looked at the laptop and made a face like she’d stepped in something.

“You don’t approve of laptops?” I asked.

“Work is work and home is home,” Katie said. “Even if you’re working from home, you shouldn’t mix the two. Laptops make it too easy to work when you should be relaxing.”

She had a point. I had a bad habit of watching TV with my laptop open, not getting much done, and not really following a movie.

“You’re absolutely right,” I said. “Tonight I will turn off my computer and just relax.”

Today I’ll make some time to do nothing but relax.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 FAWLTY SHOWERS

 

Good and Selfish

I started my new job on a Monday.   

“Welcome to Fawlty Showers,” the receptionist, said as I walked into the converted firehouse.  “I’m Katie.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Faulty showers?”

“The showers don’t always work, they’re faulty.  I love the old British comedies, especially Fawlty Towers.”

As I looked around, my heart sank. Paint cans were stacked in one corner. Offices were missing doors. A scrawny cat sitting on a pile of drywall stared at me.

Katie read my expression and said, “We can do a lot of good here. Give it a chance.”

I’d been told in AA to do unselfish things for selfish reasons. “Never pass up the chance to do some good,” I’d been told.  “It will do you some good, and help you stay sober.”

Today I won’t pass up the chance to do some good.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 Fawlty Showers

Certainly Uncertain

“What was that all about?” Dr. Deb asked after I hung up the phone.

“My new boss wants to paint a bus to look like a wagon train, circle the city rounding up addicted folks, and drive them to the desert.”

“He must have been joking,” Dr. Deb said.

“He must have been drinking.”

““What will you do?”

What would I do? Suddenly I was uncertain.  I’d already been replaced at my old job. I could run him over in the parking lot, swear the ferret ran in front of me and I swerved to avoid it. I put that idea on the shelf for later consideration.

“Face the uncertainty with a clear head. Not drink. Not let fear cloud my judgment. Take stock. Look at my options.”

 

Today I will face uncertainty with a clear mind.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 FAWLTY SHOWERS

Covered Wagons and Recovery Rap

Randy’s plan included driving a bus playing ‘recovery rap’ over loud speakers through Pittsburgh neighborhoods. Addicted folks tired of their lifestyle would flock to the bus.

When we’d gathered enough people, we’d drive the bus out to the Arizona desert to sweat out the toxins and commune with nature.

“The bus would be painted to look like a covered wagon,” Randy said. “A real wagon and horses would be impractical.”

Randy wanted to help people. He also, I suspected, wanted to avoid dealing with his own addictions.

I remembered an analogy I’d heard a long time ago. In an airplane, if the oxygen mask drops, you’re supposed to put yours on before you help your child put on hers. Otherwise you might collapse before you get her situated.

Today I’ll take care of myself so I can help others.

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Football and Wagon Trains

At 11:30 that night the phone rang.

“It’s for you,” I said to Dr. Deb.

“How do you know it’s for me?” she asked.

“I’m the husband. It’s never for me.” This time it was.  My new boss had some ideas he wanted to run by me.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?” he asked. I told him I was wearing a football helmet and Dr. Deb was holding pompoms, so yes, it was a bad time. “Really?” he asked.

“No, not really,” I said, trying not to sound annoyed with the guy who would be signing my paychecks. “We were sleeping.” Without apologizing, Randy started rambling about running a recovery wagon train through urban areas.

As he rambled on, I realized Randy, with his MBA from Penn, inherited wealth, and a recognizable last name, was drunk. 

 

Today I’ll remember addiction doesn’t care who you are.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

 Fawlty Showers

Alpacas and Quiet Time

The reception had been loud. Apparently the DJ had gotten new speakers and wanted to see if they really could make the room vibrate.

Because of the virus, the tables had been far apart and half full. Carrying on any conversation had required yelling.  More than once I had nodded my head in agreement without any idea what had been said.

“Alpacas are not to be trusted,” I had yelled, thinking others were doing the same.  The woman across the table had smiled and nodded in agreement.  “I like to shave animals at the petting zoo,” I added. Another nod and big smile from her – she hadn’t heard anything I’d said.   Dr. Deb had elbowed me in the ribs.

When we got in the car I reached for the radio button. “Don’t,” Dr. Deb said. “Let’s just enjoy the quiet.” As we drove home, I realized how soothing a little quite time could be.

 

Today I will find some quiet time.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Have a great Labor Day Weekend!

(I haven't named the ferret yet - suggestions are more than welcome.)

Fawlty Showers

 Addictions, Compulsions, Bad Habits

That weekend Dr. Deb and I went to a wedding.  When I was around alcohol, I tried to spot other people’s addictions and compulsions.  Listing them reminded me to beware of my own.

I noticed the woman who ate a salad for dinner was wandering around the cookie table, a plate in each hand, like a shark circling survivors of shipwreck.

A man in his sixties aggressively flirted with the twenty-something bridesmaid.  His thirty-something girlfriend didn’t seem pleased.

A guy went out for a smoke as soon as the bride walked up the aisle.

A man at our table argued with his wife about how much his boat cost. Apparently they wouldn’t be making waves any time soon.

An attention seeking aunt had to just say a few thousand words after the Best Man gave his toast. The bride didn’t seem pleased with the potty-training stories.

Another guy constantly checking his phone thought the wedding was nice, but Ohio State beating the point spread was wonderful.

I left the reception glad I was sober, aware of the limitless variety of bad addictions, compulsions, and bad habits.

Today I’ll beware of other addictions, compulsions, and bad habits.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

 

Fawlty Showers

Bonus

Randy, my new boss, called to ask if I liked ferrets.

I paused for a moment thinking of other questions that would have been equally off-the-wall. Where were you on the night of the 23^rd? Ever been Spain? What’s your blood type?

“I love ferrets,” I answered cautiously. “Why?”

“There’s one living in the building.”

Life, I thought, often hits us with nasty surprises. It’s going to rain all weekend.  Test results.  Your daughter introduces you to the new boyfriend, and you wonder where he buried his parents’ bodies.

The best we can do is savor Life’s little bonuses.  An extra chicken nugget. Your team wins in overtime, on a buzzer beater, shot over the trash-talking, dirty, not as good as he thinks he is, jackass. Free samples at Costco.  A new job that includes unlimited coffee and a ferret.

 

Today I’ll be grateful for pleasant surprises.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Fawlty Showers

No Excuse

The next day I sat down to write my blog. I read my message from the day before.  One line made no sense.

The only drawback to being sober I ever saw was not having an excuse for stupid mistakes, dumb remarks, and forgetting things. I couldn’t claim I’d written that line hungover.  My last bender had been a rough one, but I was pretty sure 31 years later all the alcohol was out of my system.

I had no excuse for blurting out things better left unsaid, like “Your son doesn’t look like you.” Or “You’re not pregnant?” “Can’t that day, I’m going to your surprise party.”

Alcohol had no part in me forgetting where I parked the car or the combination to the lock on my locker as I stood draped in a towel, trying for the umpteenth time to remember the last number. I couldn’t blame booze for the ten minutes I spent looking for the glasses on my head.

The best I could do was own my mistakes, grateful not having an excuse gave me motivation to correct them.

 

Today I’ll gratefully own my mistakes.

 

Fawlty Showers © 2020 by Ken Montrose

Fawlty Showers is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:

·         www.greenbriartraining.com 

·         https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

·         https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/