29. Honoring the Ones We've Lost
The next morning my sister-in-law called to say Nana had passed on.  Nana was one of the most caring, thoughtful, people I'd ever met, and my first thought was how she'd be missed by so many.  My next thought was the  best way to honor Nana was to practice the virtues most important to her, including kindness.

Today I will honor those I miss by practicing their virtues.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

28. One Unique Day at a Time
"How long you been sober?" Howard asked me.

"Today and a bunch days before that," I said. He stared at me. "Okay, almost twenty-eight years."

"That's so many days.  When I hear 'one day at a time' I cringe. My days haven't been a picnic since I got sober."

"Not all days will be like today," I said.  "Days will mostly likely get better.  Because you're not numb, a few days will be more painful, but you'll get better.  Rather than think about a long line of days like today, change the slogan to 'each unique day at a time.'"

I will live each unique day one day at a time.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

27. Don't Re-Do What You Can't Undo
The next day Howard told me he’d gone to his father’s grave sober for the first time in years. His dad had been a county sheriff. Howard told me just about everyone respected his father.  He wasn’t respected by anybody he knew.

“Ken, I embarrassed my folks more times than I can remember,” Howard said.  “People I didn’t even know would shake their heads when I walked by.”

“Can’t undo what’s done,” I said, “but you can make sure you don’t re-do the same mistakes, and embarrass your mother. Staying sober would probably help.”

“Guess that’s the best I can do,” he said.

Today I’ll try not to re-do what I can’t undo.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

26. Newbies Welcome
When we pulled up to the new freshmen dorm, a hundred or so members of the Orientation Committee waved and cheered.  These upper classmen swarmed to our car, and carried Blondie's stuff to her room. They did this for every freshman, all day, in and out of the hot sun.

My experience was a little different.  We carried our own gear up the narrow stairs of the ancient freshman dorm. The sound of cursing at dropped turn tables and foot lockers filled our ears.  At night the upper classmen drove past our building yelling, "Freshmen live in a dump!" and "We have your mother out here!" over and over.  We worried that after a year or so, we too would only know two lines of dialogue.

I thought of the newcomers I'd encountered at AA, the rehab, booster groups for various sports, etc.  "You could have been a little more welcoming," I said to myself.

Today I will welcome the newcomer.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

25. Can You Hear Me Now?
When I got home we began loading cars for Blondie’s move to college.

“What’s this?” Blondie asked as I handed her a small laminated card.

“My phone numbers, email addresses, my websites, the phone numbers of places you’re likely to find me, GPS coordinates for places I fish.”

“Daddy, don’t you think having your cell phone number is enough?”

I hugged her. “I will always be there for you and I want you have as many ways as possible to reach me.”

“Because you always forget to turn your phone back on after a training?”

“That too,” I said as she hugged me back.

Today I will make sure my loved ones can reach me. 

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

24. Love You to Death
“Your girlfriend’s here,” I said to Street Sign.  He turned to see a woman in her eighties make her way slowly to our table.  Sarah sat down next to Street Sign.  I noticed her hands were shaking. She told us her son had wrecked another car.  Sarah had been riding in the car.

“What should I do about him?” she asked.

“He’s forty-eight years old,” I said. “It’s time to kick him to the curb.”

“I can’t throw him out,” she said. “I just love that boy to death.”

“His death?” Street Sign asked.  “Or yours?”

Today I will beware: sometimes we love people to death – our own.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

23. Gratitude Masters
Eugene "Street Sign" Taylor, had earned his nickname  getting drunk and running them over.  In his thirty years of sobriety he  beat cancer, buried two wives, broke a hip and got fired, and never picked up a drink.

Street Sign liked to brag about his hair growing back after chemo. He'd tell you how lucky he'd been to have such wonderful women in his life.  He bore no ill will toward his company, saying they didn't know if he'd come back from the hip surgery.

I liked to steer young people toward him.  "He's the master at finding gratitude when he could be wallowing in self-pity," I'd tell them.  "Look for him whenever you're feeling sorry for yourself."

Today I will be grateful for the gratitude masters.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

22. Setting My Troubles Aside
That night I went to an AA meeting.  An old man sat an oxygen cylinder on the table next to me before settling into a chair.  He graced me with a smile, asked about my wife and kids, and how the writng was going.

"How are you holding up?" I asked, forgetting his rule.

"Ken! When the tank is on the table, we don't talk about our problems," Mike said. "No cancer, no arthritis, no headaches, and no talking about the people we miss."

I liked the way he set his troubles aside, not ignoring them, and not drowning them either.

Today I will set my troubles aside, at least for a little while. 

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

21. Everyday Insanity
"They're mixing heroin with elephant tranqilizer," Felix said, his smile fading. "I know it's insane, but I know why my friends want to try it. It's what we addicts do. I think it's some  special power the opiates have to make us crazy."

"It's not just the opiates," I said. "Researchers estimate most people drive drunk 80 times before getting caught.  They drive drunk so often they start thinking it's normal.  Some  only see the insanity when they hit something, or the judge opens their eyes for them."

"It's like knowing your relationship is crazy, but not seeing just how crazy until you break up, because you kinda got used to the insanity."  He laughed and added, "And then you realize you contributed more than your fair share to the craziness."

Today I will  beware of insanity that has become ordinary.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

20. Changing Thoughts, Thinking, Behavior, Feelings
Felix sighed.  “I still think like an addict. When you said your shoulders were sore, I thought you should’ve eaten a Percocet.”

I said, “You can change you’re thinking one thought at a time.  You may have to change the same thought over and over before you change your thinking, so don’t give up.”

“I know a guy,” Felix said, “whose girlfriend dumped him after eight years.  He kept telling himself he’d get over the empty feeling, but he never did.  He got arrested for stalking her two years later.”

“You have to change your behavior too. If your friend tells himself he’s fine without her while he’s lurking outside her house, he’s not likely to believe the new thought. Change the thought, change the behavior, and the feeling will change.”

If I want to change a feeling today, I will change my thinking and my behavior.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

19. Experience to Event
Felix said, “I have to quit but I keep thinking I'm gonna miss a lot of experiences."

"Yesterday I pulled a shirt from the drawer, thinking all the others represented upcoming days full of potential," I said.    "I smelled the shirt,  grateful I’d gotten past the days when I'd wear the least filthy  thing from a pile on the floor.   I pulled it over shoulders just sore enough from a good workout.  I thought about a woman I’d seen on TV, born with no arms who'd learned to dress herself with her feet.  Reminded me that sometimes doing the impossible takes persistence.  I really savored the softness of the cotton.  Pulling the shirt down over my waist, I laughed a little, thinking I was remarkably well-fed."

"You got all that from a shirt?" Felix asked, laughing.

"Slow down, throw in a little gratitude, and most experiences can become events."

Today I will turn an experience into an event.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

18. Paved Roads
The next morning I met Margaret's friend.  His name was Felix. He loved his name, and just about everything else.  He'd been more places and done more things in his twenty-four years than many people three times his age.  That included most of the drugs I'd heard of, and some I thought might be just a figment of his vivid imagination.

"Do you know the expression 'paving the way'?" he asked me.  "The roads you create don't just go from point a to point b.  They open up whole new territories.  Eating OxyContins paved the way to heroin, retail theft, Hep C, and the felonies that got me to quit.  Recovery is opening up some new places for me."

Today I will be careful which way I'm paving. 

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

17. Side by Side on Different Paths
Brat Boy and I stepped onto adjoining treadmills.  I settled into a slow jog up a slight incline.  Brat Boy took longer strides, on a steeper incline, at a faster speed, but we remained side-by-side.   I smiled thinking about good friends whose lives had put them on different paths.  If we looked up from the day-to-day, we’d see we were still close.

Today I will be grateful I can walk beside friends traveling different paths.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

16. Carrying the Weight
Brat Boy and I went to the YMCA the next day.  He asked me about a man carrying heavy dumbbells back and forth across the gym.  I said, "It's called the farmer's walk.  It works a lot of muscles."

"You get stronger just hauling the weight around?" he asked.

"Hauling the weight, carrying the burden, trudging the path, they make us stronger every day."

"How about listening to your father's life lessons day after day?  That's gotta make you stronger," Brat Boy said rolling his eyes and laughing.

"That'll just make you smarter, " I said, laughing too. "Walking home from the gym would make you stronger."

Today I will remember carrying my burden makes me stronger.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

15. Tonight...
The next night the kids went to stay with friends.  I said, "It's been a while."

"The kids have been up and noisy," My wife said.

"And in and out of our bedroom," I said.  "We gotta put a stop to that.  And the other night, well you know  I was worried about that presentation."

"It's early, but if you want to go upstairs now...," she said with a sly smile.
When we got into bed, she kissed me, and looked deep into my eyes.

Then we both rolled over and finally got a good night's sleep.

Tomorrow I'll be grateful if I get a good night's sleep tonight.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

14. Clearly, In This Moment
When I got home, the little girl who had loved to sleep on my chest was packing for college. The boy who had said “I’ve got you right where I want you” as I held him upside by his ankles was staring into the refrigerator.  He towered over his mother and might soon look down on me.  

Seen backward, life was a blur. Blondie and Brat Boy had been babies the day before. Looking forward, the view was also unclear, with no way to know what the future held.  All I could see clearly was that moment, and I seized it.

“Let’s order Chinese and watch a movie,” I said.  As we laughed through a horrible picture,  I was overwhelmed with gratitude for a moment with loved ones.

Today I will be grateful for any moment with loved ones.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

13. Jack’s Interpretation

On Monday I met Howard, a tall, middle-aged white guy wearing cowboy boots and a John Deere hat.   He told me he wouldn’t miss having Jack Daniels mess with his hearing. I told him I didn’t follow.

Howard explained, “A gal says to me, ‘You make my skin crawl,’ and Jack Daniels tells me she said, ‘You give me goose bumps.’  She says, ‘I’ll only meet you in a public place,’ and I  hear ‘I want to be seen with you.’”

“What if she said, ‘I’m getting the bouncer’?” I asked.

“Thanks to Jack I’d hear her say ‘I can’t control myself around you, you dancin’ fool’.”

“’I’m calling the cops’?”

Howard laughed, “Jack translated that to ‘she’s into handcuffs.’ That’s how I wound up in jail. She did call ‘em.  Life is much easier really listening to what people actually say.”

Today I’ll really listen to people.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

12. Adapt or Die
The next day was Saturday.  I sat on my deck, looking for something to write about.  Overhead, a hawk circled, riding the thermals, barely moving his giant wings, looking for prey.  Nearby a tiny hummingbird flitted from flower to flower, his tiny wings beating furiously. I marveled at how differently they’d adapted to their environments.

Likewise, I'd met happy people in recovery who'd adapted in different ways.  I also  saw people who quit drinking, but never adapted to their new lives.  Most were miserable, some relapsed, many insisted newcomers recover exactly as they had.

Today I will adapt to life without insisting others do so exactly as I did.  

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

11. Understand?
Her name was Margaret and she told me she'd made a friend in rehab who was just about her neighbor's age.   She said, "He has a pierced nipple, big holes in both ears, and more tattoos than my husband's navy buddies.  I'm an old church lady with a cane and a Bible.  Two years ago I would have crossed the street if I saw him coming."  

"What brought you together?" I asked.

"One day I was leaning on my cane, feeling the pain in my hip.  He asked me if I was OK, and I told him I'd beat him to death for a Vicodin.  He got a kick out of that, and we ended up talking about how we got addicted.   She smiled, "It's good to have a friend who understands me."

Today I will be grateful for friends who understand.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

10. Looking Down
After Roy left I struck up a conversation with an older woman sitting in the group room, cane at her side.

“My neighbor’s kid died of a heroin overdose,” she said.  “After the funeral I was so upset, I took two extra Percocet.  I get headaches when I cry.  They did the trick.  Pretty soon I was taking the pills night and day.” She shook her head. “How’s this for irony. I got addicted because I was so upset by someone dying from their addiction.”          

“At least you see the irony,” I said.  “A lot of people wouldn’t.”

“You know what kills me?” she asked. “I looked down on that kid and his family. I loved him like a son, but when he went to rehab, I thought a lot less of him.” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

Today I will not look down on anyone.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

9. Twice as Bad, Ten Times Better

After group I asked Roy, “Whaddya think?”

“I think I should have gone to jail instead,” he said.  He paused and added, “You know why I’m so miserable?  ‘Cause I make no sense.  I got ulcers and headaches, and drinking makes both of ‘em worse. I got a sweet wife and a great kid, and I want ‘em to be happy, but I want a drink more. All I gotta do to stay outa jail is sit in them groups and be quiet.  The whole time I was in there I wanted to shout ‘shut the @#$% up and get me a beer!'  Maybe I shoulda gone to jail.  This is worse.”

“No,” I said, “Sometimes things get twice as bad before they get ten times better. Cliché, but true.”

Today I will remember things often have to get twice as bad before they get ten times better.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

8. Doing the Right #@$% Thing
The next day I walked past Roy on my way into the building.  He was yelling into his cell phone.  Later I saw him standing outside the closed door to the group room. I told him he didn't have to knock, he could just walk in.

 He cursed and said, "My lawyer says the judge will send me to jail if I don't go to treatment. My wife's says she'll leave me.  My fourteen year old daughter promised she'd never speak to me again, never, ever.  So I guess I'm going in."

"Ain't it great when life forces you to do the right thing?" I asked.

"Just #@$% dandy," he muttered as he opened the door.

Today I'll try to be grateful if I'm forced to do the right thing.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S

7. The Right Kind of Stubborn
Later that night I went to the gym.  I saw a man who looked like he might be 90 walking the track, his face a mask of grim determination.  I went to ride the stationary bike.  When I saw him later he was just finishing his walk.  He caught my eye, and said, “Two miles, and not a foot less!”

I said, “Hope I’m still coming here when I’m you’re age.”

“You will if you’re the right kind of stubborn. I’m stubborn about loving God, country, and my wife, and about getting my walk in.  I’m not stubborn about being right or having my way.  That’s why I never had a heart attack, high blood pressure, or ulcers.”

Today I will try to be the right kind of stubborn.

Life on Life's Terms III (c) 2016 by Ken Montrose

Life on Life's Terms III is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental. 

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: http://www.amazon.com/Ken-Montrose/e/B001K8MG0S