Happy New Year!
Fawlty Showers will return Monday, January 3rd.
Don’t Drink and Drive
The next day was New Year’s Eve, known in AA and among
bartenders as Amateur Night. Even people who didn’t normally drink too much drank
way too much.
I remembered several New Year’s Eves I’d preferred to
forget. Others I didn’t remember at all. I’d driven drunk more times than I
cared to think about.
That New Year’s Eve I’d be safely at home, not a danger to
myself or anyone else.
People I knew planned to stay over after a party. Others had
a designated driver or would call an Uber or Lyft.
Even so, there would people on the road who shouldn’t have
been. Some would be just a little impaired, others blind drunk. All were a threat to themselves and others,
including people I loved.
“Can’t stop everyone from drinking and driving,” I said to
myself, “but I’m grateful for the people who don’t.”
Today I’ll be grateful for people who don’t drink and drive.
Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity
between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
After the meeting Epiphany pulled me aside to tell me she’d
met someone.
“I stopped for dinner with my friend from work,” she said. “A
cute guy at the bar sent a glass of wine to our table for me.”
“And you told the waitress to thank him, but say you couldn’t
accept it,” I said, knowing that wasn’t what happened.
“I wasn’t going to drink it, but then I thought maybe Life wanted
me to have it. We Scorpios are cogs in the wheel. If we don’t go along, things
get messed up.”
“It was your decision to drink it,” I said, knowing she wasn’t
going to agree.
“Hey, I didn’t send that drink to me,” she said with a
shrug. “For someone who works with people you’re kind of out of touch with the
force that guides and connects us.”
The urge I’d felt earlier to pound my head on the table
returned.
Today I won’t blame God, karma, The Universe,
Destiny, my sign, The Force, etc. for my decisions.
Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity
between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Setting
I walked away from Epiphany to get another cup of coffee.
I didn’t recognize the woman approaching me with her hand
extended.
“Kathy,” she said, seeing the lack of recognition in my
face. “I come to your trainings when you’re in the South Hills.”
“You always sit up front,” I said, picturing my last
training there. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember you.”
“No need to apologize. It’s all about the setting where you see
someone.”
After she left I thought about how setting can affect
memory, but also how we see things originally.
Binge drinking in certain settings looks like socializing. Control
can look like concern in a relationship. Loneliness can look like self-reliance
and independence in the elderly. An addiction can look like treatment when it
comes from a prescription pad.
“The trick,” I said to myself, “is to see past the setting.”
Today I’ll try to see past the setting to how things truly are.
Fawlty Showers 2 is a work of fiction. Any similarity
between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
"He who hesitates..."
Epiphany Chaser was at the next AA meeting. She had been drinking
the day before, but said it was no big deal.
“New Year’s Day is a week away,” she said. “I’ll have a
glass of champagne New Year’s Eve and quit after that.”
“What about Valentine’s Day?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, maybe then.”
“When’s your birthday?”
“April 17th.”
“Memorial Day picnics?”
Epiphany looked like she was catching on. “I don’t like
beer, but I always have a few on Memorial Day to start the summer.”
“July Fourth?"
“Family reunion,” Epiphany said, a frown crossing her
face. Her mood brightened a moment
later. “OK, I get it. There’s always a reason to put off getting sober, always
a reason to put off doing something you should.”
“There’s always another milestone, another anniversary,
another holiday,” I said. “That’s why
you should quit now.”
“Righty right,” Epiphany said with a half-laugh. “New Year’s day I start over.”
I fought the urge to pound my head on the table.
Today I won’t put off doing something I should.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Strange Allergies
I ran group the next day. “Is addiction like an allergy?”
someone asked.
“Addictions are strange allergies,” I said. “Like any
allergy, your brain and body don’t react well to using or doing something.”
“Bad things happen when you use that something, whatever
that something is,” a young man said, nodding his head.
“Addiction is not like an allergy for at least two reasons.
An allergic reaction to something like shellfish makes you never want to eat
shellfish again. But, people who relapse
often want to keep using.”
I took a sip of my coffee and continued. “Unlike allergic
reactions, the effects of a relapse are often delayed. People don’t see the
damage done right away.”
“Maybe that’s why people push you to have just one,” a
middle-aged woman said with a heavy sigh.
“Some people don’t understand addictions are like strange
allergies,” I said.
“And some people are just #$%@^#s,” the young man said.
Instead of arguing with him, I said, “Accept that you have a
strange allergy. Never push someone to have just one. Avoid people who don’t
understand.”
Today I will accept people have strange
allergies. I won’t push them to have just one. I’ll avoid people who push me to
do so.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Trudge Through the Sludge
The next day I woke up with a headache.
I had sprinted
through work the day before, seeming to know the answer to every issue. That
day I found myself trudging through my responsibilities.
Everything I needed to know, I had to look up. Everyone I needed to contact wasn’t
available. I struggled to write, not finding the words I needed, not able to
express my ideas.
I really wanted to shut my door, turn off my phone and my
laptop, and do nothing. A friend had coined the term ‘a sit in the pit.’ He
described it as letting tiredness, frustration, boredom, or some other down
emotion immobilize you.
“Sit in the pit?” I said to DD the bunny. He stared at me. “No,
you’re right,” I said. “I’m lucky enough to have the energy to trudge through
the sludge. Some people don’t.”
At the end of the day, I was surprised at how much I’d
gotten done. It wasn’t as much as the day before, but it was still something.
“If I can today, I will trudge through the sludge rather than
sit in the pit.”
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse
#recoveryispossible
What The Cat Dragged In
When I let the cat in, the dog trotted over to him. She sniffed the cat’s face, no doubt smelling
the bird. They both turned to look at
me, disapproval written on their faces.
“You’re not bringing live animals into the house,” I said.
They continued to stare. The dog whined,
just a little, to let me know she was particularly unhappy.
The cat licked a paw. I was convinced his middle claw was
extended just a bit more than the others. “I don’t care if you two like it or
not. Rules are rules.”
Dr. Deb sat down on the couch. The animals walked past me to sit with her.
“Really?” I asked. They curled up next to her.
“You don’t have to like my boundaries, but you do have to
live with them,” I said. I told Dr. Deb
about the bird.
“Do you think that just maybe you read a little too much
into the animals’ behavior?” Dr. Deb asked.
Today I will remember people (and pets) don’t have to like the
boundaries I set.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
No Admittance
The next afternoon I was sitting on my couch. The cat was at
the door, injured bird in his mouth.
I loved the cat. I loved having the cat in the house. I didn’t love the idea of a semi-dead bird
hopping around, leaving droppings everywhere.
I loved alcohol. But having it in my life brought too many
problems.
Katy told me there were things she had loved about her ex,
but he brought too many heartaches.
The cat eventually dropped the bird. I let him in.
After many tries, I accepted I was never going to have the
things I liked about booze without the problems it brought. I had to drop it.
Katy’s ex wasn’t likely to drop his narcissism at the door.
She stopped letting him into her heart.
Today I’ll be careful about what I let into my life.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
Tempting, But No…
Brat Boy was watching the NBA at my house when I got home
from the meeting. I showed him an old recruiting letter I’d found while sorting
through the attic.
“You ever regret not going there?” I asked.
Brat Boy shook his head. “On a warm spring day they might
only get a foot of snow. I wasn’t really tempted.”
While we watched Steph Curry rain three pointers on the
Trail Blazers, I thought of all the things that didn’t tempt me.
I was never tempted to eat another 10,000 calorie slice of
lasagna because I hated lasagna.
I was never tempted to take a loan out to buy coffee in a
place where an ‘e’ was pronounced like ‘a’.
No $15 latte grande from the cafe for me (pronounced ‘may’).
Most importantly, I wasn’t tempted anymore to have one more
drink, get in my car, and ruin someone’s life, most likely my own.
Today I’ll be grateful for ways I’m not tempted.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Tomas told me he’d gone out drinking several times before
anything bad happened.
I pulled a quarter from my pocket. “The odds of flipping heads
are always fifty/fifty, right?”
“What bizarre point
is he making now?” Tomas said to nobody. “Right, so what?”
“And, if I flip nine heads in a row, the odds of flipping
another head are still 50/50.”
“The odds of not flipping tails in ten tries are less than
one in a thousand,” I said.
“So?”
“The odds of something bad happening on a single night are like
flipping tails, might be 50/50, maybe less.
The odds of something bad happening, of flipping tails, goes up each
time you give in to any bad habit.”
“You couldn’t have just said in the long run bad habits will
bite you?” Tomas asked.
Today I will look at my odds in the long run.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might
know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Half a Policy
The next day I was stunned to see the middle-aged man sitting
in our waiting room.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, hoping he was visiting
someone.
In his Eastern European accent he said, “I slipped. After 15
years, I slipped.”
I’d met Tomas when he first stumbled into an AA meeting. He’d
struggled with depression for as long as I’d known him. We’d talked about antidepressants, but he had
refused to consider them.
“I blame you,” he said, chuckling. “I finally took the pills
and the cloud lifted.”
“That sounds like a good thing,” I said, puzzled.
“It was, until I started thinking maybe I’m not so
depressed, I can drink a little.”
“You know it’s a bad idea for you to drink regardless of medications,
right?”
“I know.” Pointing to his black eye and swollen lip, he
added, “Also bad idea to ask muscled guy in bar if he thinks he’s tough. Or ask
his girlfriend if stripper pole puts callouses on her hands.”
“Luckily you have half an insurance policy,” I said.
“What is half policy?” Tomas asked.
“Imagine something bad happens. You relapse, or lose
someone, and the world comes crashing in. You call the ‘my life is crashing insurance
company’. They send you the materials to rebuild, like AA, or a grief
counselor, maybe a physical therapist if you get hurt. These folks do their half. Your half is doing
the work.”
“You’re saying I’m lucky I have what I need to put my life
back together?” I nodded, he nodded, and
the work began.
Today I’ll be grateful I have half an insurance policy.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
Down for the Count
When I passed Katy’s desk leaving work, I saw she was
crying. I asked if she was OK.
“My brother-in-law and my nephew told me to shut up,” she
said, wiping away a tear.
“Are you angry?”
“I’m happy! My sister left a message earlier to say they
were all coming to be with me when the baby’s born. I called to say they didn’t
have to, they had a farm to run, and I’d be alright.”
I got it. “They told you to shut up in a loving way. They were
going to be there for you when you needed them.”
Katy nodded. “I can always count on them.”
I thought of the people I’d known who’d had so little
support at crucial moments in their lives.
I counted myself lucky to have had so many people I could count on.
Today I’ll be grateful for the people I can count on.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Sideways
That afternoon I presented a training on medications and
recovery to a group of clinicians.
In detail, I outlined a five step plan for staying sober
while taking medications. I went further to say that for people with serious
mental illnesses, medications could be necessary to recovery.
A thirtysomething sitting near the front, turned sideways in
his chair, not looking at me. At times he sighed loudly, stared at the ceiling,
and/or glanced at his phone.
At the end I asked for questions and comments. Sideways raised his hand, contempt written
all over his face. “Oh, so people are
just supposed to stop taking their medications and commit suicide?”
The crowd turned on him, pointing out that was the exact
opposite of what I’d been saying for three hours. ‘It’s a shame they don’t burn people at the
stake anymore,’ I thought.
I had put a lot of effort into that training, including
writing a 30 page workbook clinicians could use with their clients. Sideways put a ton of effort into the nasty
email he sent to my boss the next day, saying what I horrible person/presenter
I was, demanding an apology.
There was a time when I would have let Sideways bother me. I
might have wasted half a day writing him a return email patiently explaining my
point of view. I treated myself to a
bucket-size coffee and a cinnamon roll instead.
“There’s no shortage of jackasses,” I said to DD the bunny sitting
on my lap. “Never let them bring you down.”
Today I won’t let the jackasses bring me down.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Steps and Pyramids
I ran group the next day.
“I don’t like steps,” a young man said, pointing to a
poster. “The image is always a staircase or some pyramid.”
“Why is that a problem?” I asked.
“Because the steps to change are never regular like a
staircase. Doesn’t matter what you’re trying to change. Could
be seven steps to a happier marriage, or five steps to permanent weight loss –
doesn’t matter, the steps are never even.”
“So what image would you like?”
“Mountain trail. You
take longer steps down steep slopes, maybe feeling like you’re losing
ground. Sometimes the ground is flat and
you make good progress. The higher the
peak you’re trying to reach, the harder the steps get at the end.”
“Makes sense,” I said.
“The point is, it doesn’t matter how easy or hard the next
step feels, as long as it’s in the right direction.”
Today I’ll take a step in the right direction, no matter how
easy or hard it feels.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
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https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Optimistic
The speaker’s name was Martha, but she went by her childhood
nickname, Coco. “I had a hot chocolate
addiction long before I discovered wine,” she said, smiling.
I mentioned that she hadn’t said what she did for a living.
“I’m a nerd wrangler, I help people get financing for web-based
startup companies.”
“Sounds interesting,” I said.
She laughed. “The money end of it is more boring than you
can imagine. The innovation is exciting.”
Coco pointed to a man staring at his phone. “People read bad
news 24/7. It’s like they drive past an
accident, get off the next exit, turn around and drive past it again.”
“Depresses the hell out of them,” I said, not sure what she
was getting at.
“They see all the bad in the world, not knowing what I know.
Incredible things are being developed, maybe on someone’s laptop next door.”
I thought I understood her point. “You can’t wear rose
colored glasses, but there’s always reason to be optimistic, always some good
brewing somewhere.”
Coco nodded, “And optimistic people tend to treat themselves
better. They’re much less likely to worry, drink, or eat themselves to death.”
Today I’ll be optimistic, knowing something good is brewing
somewhere.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness #dailymessage #inspiration
#odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
After the meeting, I got in line to thank the speaker. Not
everyone did. The meeting was over at 9:00. People had kids to put to bed,
things to do before they slept.
Still, I was happily surprised
at how many people did stay to express their gratitude to the speaker.
As I stood in line, The Preacher droned on and on with the
speaker about his own fears. I started
to grow restless.
Instead of pouring my coffee over The Preacher’s head, I
made a list of ways people showed they were grateful.
Working in the Alumni Office in college, I’d met alums who’d
donated huge sums of money. I looked in
my wallet: $7.00 and a coupon for a free
Wendy’s Frosty. I turned my attention to
smaller gestures.
People waived when you let them merge in traffic. Some thanked you for holding the door. Dr. Deb set a basket of snacks and water on
our front porch for the folks delivering packages.
I decided along with my usual snark and sarcasm, I’d express
more gratitude.
Today I will express my gratitude.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
The speaker was an attractive black woman in her early
forties. Fit, well dressed, articulate, with piercing gray eyes, she seemed to
have the world at her feet. Had I passed her on the street I would have guessed
she was a mid-level executive on her way up.
A gas explosion had killed the rest of her family when she
was thirteen. She had gone to live with
relatives, but found being indoors terrifying.
“For years I slept on a cot next to the front door,” she
said. “I’ve never really gotten over the loss of my family, but I’m learning.”
She had battled her grief and fear with alcohol and Xanax
until she almost died from the combination.
“I’ve gotten better, but I’m still a little anxious when I’m
indoors, more than a few feet from an exit.” She smiled just a little and
added, “It makes working a bit difficult.”
“To look at her, you’d
never know she struggled with anything,” Talmadge whispered to me, shaking his
head. “You just never know.”
I thought about the times in my life I’d struggled and
resented people I thought had life too easy.
“You don’t know,” I said, agreeing with him. I remembered the AA slogan, ‘Don’t compare
your insides to other people’s outsides.’
Today
I won’t pretend to know other people's struggles.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Fawlty Showers 2
Represent
Stanley’s attention drifted off. Margaret The Newbie put a hand on the small of
my back and another on Talmadge’s shoulder.
She said, “Thank you both for being my friend, and not trying
to borrow money or sleep with me.”
“You’re welcome,” I said, not sure what to make of her
comment. Margaret seemed to catch my confusion.
“I expect the worst from men,” Margaret said, sounding half serious.
“I’m rarely wrong.”
“Hopefully we can
raise your expectations,” Talmadge said, rolling his eyes.
I wondered if raising someone’s expectations of the groups I
belonged to – men, people in recovery, sixty-somethings, etc. – might not be a
good goal for the day.
Today I’ll try to raise someone’s expectations.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
#addictionawareness
#dailymessage #inspiration #odaat #recoveryposse #recoveryispossible
Fawlty Showers 2
Bread
That night Talmadge wheeled a pale, rail thin Stanley into
the AA meeting.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, thinking he should be
home resting.
Stanley turned to Talmadge. “Ken doesn’t know what an
alcoholic’s doing at an AA meeting. Not incredibly bright, is he?” His laugh
turned into a long coughing spell.
“Speak slowly and use small words around him,” Talmadge said
to Stanley. They both laughed.
Margaret The Newbie walked over with a cup of coffee and a
donut for Stanley. He thanked Margaret,
but for that moment seemed too tired to say anything else.
Talmadge and I exchanged a sad glance.
A moment later a look of absolute serenity formed on Stanley’s
face as he took his first sip of coffee. He bit into his donut.
“When life gives you
a shit sandwich, try to enjoy the bread,” Stanley whispered, looking down at
his withered body, and then up at us.
Today I’ll enjoy whatever I can.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
Randy and I continued our conversation as we walked down the
hall.
I said, “If someone forgives you, that’s a gift. If someone
forgives you and you never do it again, that’s growth.”
Randy said, “But if someone forgives you again and again for
something you keep doing, that’s enabling.”
“Yup. And at some point you gotta stop enabling, or you gotta get away from that person.”
Randy smiled. “My grandmother used to say ‘Forgive and
forget? No, forgive one last time and FOR God’s sake GET away.’”
“Wise woman, your grandmother,” I said.
“Well, maybe. My grandfather disappeared under mysterious
circumstances. Maybe she got tired of forgiving him and decided if one them had
to go…”
Today I’ll forgive without enabling.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
Forgiveness, Part I
I passed Randy in the hall. “So, coffee with your ex. Really
nice, really awkward, or both?”
“Both,” Randy said, a confused look on his face. “Good to see her. She’s forgiven me.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I’m not sure I deserve it.”
I shrugged. “You can torture yourself over whether you
deserve forgiveness or not. Or, you can be grateful.”
I made a list of times people had forgiven me, grateful for
each one.
Today I’ll be grateful for the times people have forgiven me.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
•
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S
Do You Copy?
Teachers tended not to believe the dog ate your
homework. I doubted the regulators would
believe the rabbit ate my chart.
I trudged to the copy machine.
Randy was an administrator who made few copies. He thought the ancient copier worked just
fine. Those of us who printed handouts
for group held a different opinion.
“Your mother was mimeograph with a loose handle,” I said to
the machine.
I put half the chart into the feeder and pushed the button
for two-sided printing. Three pages
later the feeder jammed. I cleared the jam.
Two minutes after that, I heard a ripping noise and paper crumpling
inside the copier.
I ended up feeding the pages of the chart to the copier one
at a time, clearing a clog about every ten.
In the grand scheme of things, a lousy copier was not a big
deal. “I’m not going to take this
personally,” I said to the machine. I
looked around before whispering, “But wouldn’t it be a shame if somebody
spilled a giant cup of coffee down your innards?”
Today I’ll accept some frustration is just part of life.
Fawlty Showers 2
is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you
might know is purely coincidental.
Other works by Ken Montrose are available at:
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S