Happy New Year!

I’ll Get To It

I finished my coffee and picked up my mail, a pile of envelopes from all over the country. Many people working in social services had to complete twenty-five to forty hours of training each year.  The envelopes held their home-study courses they’d waited until the last possible moment to complete.

Having written my Master’s thesis on procrastination, I could almost feel their stress.  I wondered what Procrastinators Anonymous slogans might be.

Work Ignored Brings More.  Delaying work creates more work.  Put off cleaning the gutters, and you may need to replace water-damaged walls.

While You Pout, Problems Sprout. Some things have to be done whether we like it or not.  

Time Lost Adds to the Cost.  People I knew put off getting sober.  Not only did they lose time, they lost jobs and marriages. They paid fines and spent weeks in hospitals or jails.

I looked at the pile of envelopes, and thought about waiting until the next day to open them.

Today I won’t procrastinate.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

One Thing at a Time
When I got to work the next day, several of our clients were talking about New Year’s resolutions. A forty-something man was telling the group he planned to quit smoking, lose 35lbs., attend church every Sunday, run five miles a day six times a week, and volunteer at the food bank.

“And no more swearing,” he added.

“Easy Does It,” I said, quoting an AA slogan. “How about after you haven’t done heroin for a while you pick one or maybe two more things to work on?”

He rolled his eyes. I started to say something sarcastic, but wished him well instead.

“Thanks,” he said, “Trust me, when I set my damn mind to something, I get shit done.”

A woman in the group laughed and said, “You just swore twice.”

Today I will focus on one change.

\Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Merry Christmas!  

Dogged Determination will return on Friday.

Stress

Six months passed. I got a call at work from Cara’s attorney. She wanted to know if I’d be a character witness at Cara’s sentencing hearing. 

“We’d like you to talk about the stress in Cara’s life that made her drink,” the attorney said. Whatever stress Cara experienced, she mostly created herself, I thought. 

“Let me think about it,” I said.

“It could be the difference between twenty years in jail or ten. If she gets ten, Cara might be out in five with good behavior.”

So I thought about it. I couldn’t come up with a list of anybody I knew who led a completely stress-free life.  Looking online, I saw most people I knew struggled with something.  If drinking was the only way they coped with stress, they’d all be alcoholics.  The rehabs would be jammed, highways would be death traps, and not much would get done. 

I called the attorney back to say whatever stress Cara faced, she could have found another way to deal with it.  I wouldn’t be testifying.

Today I’ll find better ways to deal with stress.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Time Takes Time

It had taken almost twenty years, but Trevor and his wife reunited in a small church near their new home.  During the brief ceremony I thought about the slogan ‘time takes time.’

Early in my recovery I suffered mood swings and couldn’t sleep. I’d ask people when I’d feel normal again and they’d say ‘time takes time.’ Not at all the answer I wanted to hear, but I let time pass. Life got better.

As I was driving home from the church I started a list of things that take time.

•        Forgiveness
•          Being comfortable after any major change
•          True understanding of another person
•          Doing things right

The list went on. The trick was to not give up because time took time.

Today I will remember time takes time.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

I Get You

When I got home, Brat Boy and his friend SemiColin were having one of the bizarre discussions that fueled their friendship.  Brat Boy had built an eight foot tall trebuchet in our backyard. He used it to launch softballs and pumpkins into the woods behind our house.

SemiColin wondered if trebuchets could talk, would they have French accents? Brat Boy thought they would, and they’d be snooty, especially toward catapults.

We all have quirks, idiosyncrasies, things that make us a little different.  Having someone who truly gets those differences makes life so much easier.

Today I’ll be grateful for people who get me.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Dog in a Manger

Billie’s mother and sister sat at my table at the reception.  So did Roger, Trevor, and Trevor’s ex-wife, soon to be his wife again. As I sat down Billie’s mother told us her husband had died of lung cancer a year after the wedding.  She was still angry at him for using the ‘unto death do us part’ loophole.

Billie’s sister had been engaged twice, but both times she and her mother had decided the groom wasn’t quite up to their standards. She’d left one of them at the altar after a dispute with his sister. Billie’s mother and sister left together to visit the Ladies Room.

“Dog in a manger,” I muttered, looking over at Billie and Bo slow dancing. Billie was as happy as I’d ever seen her.

“Dog in a manger?” Roger asked.

“It’s an expression. A dog can’t eat the hay, but he may chase the other animals out of the manger just for spite.”

“Billie’s mom can’t be happy, so she tries to keep Billie from being happy.”

“Dog in a manger,” I repeated.  “Not gonna let them chase my happiness away.”

Today I won’t let the dog in the manger chase me from whatever makes me happy.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Curiosity Cheered the Cat

Sue brought Baby Katie, who was fascinated by the judge’s robes. The judge laughed as Baby Katie walked around him, pulling on the fabric as she went.

Kim had flowers.  Katie did everything but eat them. She didn’t eat them because Sue made her spit out the petal.

Billie scooped up Baby Katie.  Katie grabbed one of Billie’s hoop earrings.  When Billie handed Baby Katie to Trevor, the toddler grabbed his glasses, started at them, shook them, then tossed them away.

At this point the ceremony was about to start. Sue pulled a toy from her purse and Katie played with it for almost a minute.

As I watched Baby Katie, I thought the world would be a better place if we never lost our curiosity.  People would be more curious about other people, and maybe a little more understanding.  No newly sober people would complain about boredom. They’d be too busy exploring all the things they’d missed in their addictions.

Today I’ll try to have a small child’s curiosity.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Of Frozen Snakes

Sometime later that night, Billie must have had a change of heart. The next day her mother and sister were at the wedding. 

As I walked into the courtroom Billie’s sister was fussing with Billie’s hair. “You should have gone to my guy,” she said in a disapproving tone.

“Hope this one works out better than the last one,” Billie’s mother said.

Billie looked at me, a mask of anger and frustration.

I thought of the parable of the frozen snake. A man picks up a nearly frozen snake in a mountain pass. The snake says carry me down to the valley where it’s warm. The man says no, you’ll bite me.  The snake swears he could never bite someone who saved his life.

By the time they reach the valley the snake has warmed up enough to bite the man. He asks him why are you surprised? You knew what I was when you picked me up.

Today I’ll remember the parable of the frozen snake.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Give Up

We all met for dinner the night before the weddings.  Kim was a ball of joy, Billie not so much.

“You OK?” I asked Billie.

“I’m glad my mom and sister won’t be at the wedding.  You’re right, it’s likely they’d do nothing but criticize.”

“But?”

“But they’re still family.  I’m a little sad they won’t be there.”

“Better mostly happy and a little sad than completely pissed off” I said.

Billie laughed, “I had to give up a little family to gain a lot of happy wedding memories.”

We talked about how hard it was to let go of something even if you thought you might get something better.

Today I may have to give up a little something to gain a lot more.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Better Late Than Never

Later that night Dr. Deb asked me, “How’s your hand?” I held it out for her to see.

“The swellings going down,” I said.  “I haven’t been lifting or putting any strain on my hand.”

She smiled. In the past I’d always ignored medical advice to rest my sprained ankles or stretch my stiff back before it started to spasm.  This time I did as I was told, resting and icing the injury.

Pushing 60, I’d finally learned my lesson, taking care of an injury before I had to see the doctor or physical therapist. I made a list of other things I’d seen people finally learn later rather than sooner.

• The officer probably doesn’t think you’re as funny as you think you are.
• Knowing what truly matters matters most.
• Effort is its own reward.
• It’s drinking, not just tequila, that’s the problem.
• Stop and smell the coffee.
• If you can’t ever say something nice, you’re surrounded by the wrong people.

The list went on.

Today I’ll be grateful for lessons learned no matter how late.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Rolling Along

Billie texted, ‘Mind if I tag along next time you go to the gym? I want to try out the bikes.”

‘No problem’ I texted back. ‘Just out of curiosity, why now?’

‘You know that slogan, if nothing changes then nothing changes?  Well if something changes, it gets the ball rolling. I started dating again which got the ball rolling. That was soooo hard to do.  Then I got engaged.  Stood up to my mom and sister. Now I want to start exercising.’

‘Getting the ball rolling maybe hard, but once you do, it’s easier to keep it rolling,’ I agreed.

Today I will get the ball rolling.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Heroin, Oxycontin, and Other Opiates: 

Breaking Your Addiction           

 "There is a “carrot and stick” to opiates.  Imagine a jackass chasing a carrot dangled in front of him on a stick.  The animal will chase that carrot until he is exhausted, remembering the taste of the first carrot.

            "Now imagine that his master finally allows him to eat the carrot in the shade.  The carrot only satisfies his hunger for a few minutes.  In what seems like a moment, his master will be hitting him with a stick to get him moving again.  Soon his belly is rumbling, his sides hurt from the stick, and he knows he must get up to chase another carrot.

            "Opiates are the carrot and the stick.  The high, and the escape from pain, are the carrot.  Withdrawal and all the problems opiate addiction causes are the stick.  Addiction is the master.  Guess which role you play.  This workbook will help you stop."

Heroin, OxyContin, & Other Opiates: Breaking Your Addiction  (c)2005 by Ken Montrose 

The kindle version of this workbook is free through Friday 12/13 at:https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S 

Extremes

‘Change of plans.  We moved the weddings to the Beaver County Courthouse.  We’re not telling my mother or my sister.’

I had met Billie’s mother and sister once.  I had no desire to see them again.

 I feel bad about it,’ Billie added.  ‘Do you think I’m going too far?’

I texted back, ‘Seems extreme, but dealing with extreme people sometimes takes extreme measures.’ 

The nice thing about true friends is you don’t have to sugarcoat the truth.  I texted ‘Do you really want those screeching harpies criticizing everything from the ceremony to your shoes? Drowning out the voices of people happy to see you happy?’

Long pause. Billie texted a smiling emoji, and ‘No Mom means no flying monkeys stealing people’s phones and keys.’

Today I’ll remember dealing with extreme people sometimes takes extreme measures.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Warning

Almost a week later I was hurrying to put up more Christmas lights before the 4:00 Steeler game.  Rather than opening the ladder and making sure it was on solid ground, I leaned it against the side of the house.

I climbed within two steps of the top of the ladder stretched toward my left to put a hook in the window frame.   The right foot of the ladder sank into the ground. The ladder went right, I went left and fell backward.

I landed on my back, grateful I’d cleaned up the dog’s calling cards the day before.  The ground was soft, but I twisted my hand.  My first two fingers started to swell.

A week earlier I’d been much higher up on the extension ladder.  Had I fallen then, I could have been hurt much worse.

“Well there’s my warning,” I said to myself.  It occurred to me I’d spent much of my career helping people who didn’t heed life’s warnings until they really got hurt.

Today I will heed life’s warnings.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Freebies:
The Kindle version of Staying Clean, Taking Medications a workbook for people in recovery is free today from Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K8MG0S

We have added a webinar that features the voice of Addiction explaining how he keeps people addicted.  "My Plan to Ruin Your Life" is free at: http://www.greenbriartraining.com/index.php/media

Roll Tide

At the next Monday Knights meeting I sat next to Sam.  He’d been on vacation in Florida and I asked him about  the beach.

“You ever notice when the tide is out, waves still roll in?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said, “they just don’t roll as far inland. Why?”

“I miss Pam.  Her memory is like a gentle wave breaking in a distant part of my mind.”

Poetic BS is still BS, I thought. “I had some good times when I was drinking,” I said. “But those times are a distant memory.  They’re like waves breaking a half mile offshore.  The tide is out and now I see the debris left behind.  If I try to wade out past it, I’ll likely sink. The tide will come back and drown me.”

“I thought we were talking about Pam.”

“I’m talking about anything toxic that’s fun at first.  If you only remember the good part, the toxic part will come back to bite you.”

Today I won’t drown chasing the tide.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Reason or Excuse

I went to the gym that night.  As I sat down on my favorite stationary bike, I caught the first whiff of Cologne Man.  Twenty feet away, I could hear Princess Yak Yak and the Duchess of Drama critiquing the fashion choices, weight, and morals of a classmate.  

I wanted to go sit in the sauna, but I asked myself if being annoyed was a reason or an excuse not to exercise.  Chest pain was a reason not to work out.  Ditto diarrhea.   Cologne and gossip seemed like excuses.

Over the years I’d met many people who’d confused reasons and excuses. People who had walked ten miles to buy drugs, but wouldn’t drive five miles to NA meeting because they didn’t trust GPS to get them there.  People whose names had been in the newspaper after their second DUI who were embarrassed to go to rehab.

I didn’t think not working out and failing to deal with an addiction were on the same level, but mistaking excuses for reasons seemed like a bad habit to get into.

Today I won’t mistake an excuse for a reason.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

But What If…

Before the end of the day, three people had asked when the training was being held. Two of the three registered for it.  Three more people who checked the addiction counselors’ website where all approved trainings were listed also registered.

Even though I had tried not to judge myself harshly, I had been awfulizing, imaging the worst possible outcome from my mistake. Nobody would show up for the training. Word would get back to my boss. I’d get fired. She’d pull a lever at the side of her desk. A trap door would open up and I’d slide down a chute into a dumpster behind the main building.

Human resources would erase all traces of me from the company records. Dr. Deb would divorce me. My kids would change their last name.  In six months I’d be standing on the side of the road with a sign reading ‘Will Train For Food,'

“I’ve really got to stop awfulizing,” I said to my laptop. 

“You’ve got to stop talking to yourself and your laptop,” Miss Rella said as she walked past my open door.

Today I won’t awfulize.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Judgment

Two weeks earlier I had decided to change my training announcements. I picked a new template, changed the fonts and the order of the paragraphs three times, and added a picture.  When I was finally satisfied, I sent the announcement to 2,500 colleagues working in mental health/drug and alcohol. 

Anybody walking past my office when I hit ‘send’ might have thought I was clapping.  I was high-fiving myself.

An hour later I got my first reply: “There’s no date listed, when is the training?”  It occurred to me that thirty-some years ago I may have quit drinking one beer too late.

 “I’m an idiot,” I said to my laptop.  No reply. “Don’t judge me, you played a part in this too,” I pointed out.

‘How would you judge a friend who made the same mistake?’ I finally asked myself.  I’d tell him we all mistakes, move on. I still felt like an idiot, but I started the next project anyway.

Today I’ll judge myself no more harshly than I’d judge a good friend.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Something Extra

When I got home, Dr. Deb asked me when I planned to put up Christmas lights.  I was ready.

I said, “The Bible says a single star appeared over Bethlehem.”

“What’s your point?” Dr. Deb asked.

I reached into the closet and pulled out a star made of cardboard covered in aluminum foil.  “I’ll put this in front of the porch light.”

For half a second she thought I was serious. 

Because I knew how happy it would make her, the next day I put up more lights than I ever had before.  I covered the bushes, trees, and lamppost. I bordered the windows and the roofline.  The two stars I’d made of wood and outlined in lights were fastened high in the hemlocks in our front yard.

I bought battery powered collars with mini-lights for the dog and cat.  The goldfish kept slipping out of the collars I made for them.

Today I’ll do something extra for the people I love.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Peace

Sue picked up Baby Katie who I had handed off to Roger.  After a few minutes in her mother’s arms, she squirmed and reached for me.

“Oh no, missy,” I said to the toddler.  “You’re not gonna kick me again.”  I picked her up anyway, she was too cute to resist.

I lifted her into the air a few more times, careful to keep her away from my nose.  After, she curled up on my shoulder and went to sleep. Peace washed over me, and I felt the muscles in my face and neck relax.

The Youngstown Kid stared.  I asked if he was OK.

“I, hmmm, I can’t remember being that relaxed without booze or Xanax,” he said, looking away.  At a little over a year sober, he still struggled with restlessness and trouble sleeping.  

I felt bad for him, which made me appreciate my peaceful moment with Baby Katie all the more.

Today I will savor peaceful moments.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Nosebleed

Sue rushed in, Baby Katie in her arms. She handed the toddler to me.  “I’ve had to go for 45 minutes,” she said.  “I got stuck in traffic on the Vets Bridge.”

I pulled Baby Katie’s face close to mine and we rubbed noses. She smiled. I lifted her above my head. She giggled.  I bounced her on my knee. She laughed.

I lifted her up again. She kicked me, under my nose.  Blood flowed.  So did advice on how to stop the nosebleed. Tilt your head back. Pinch the bridge of your nose. Lean forward. Stand in a circle of salt and recite the Greek alphabet backwards.

“Are you OK?” Sue asked after she returned from the Ladies Room. “I’m so sorry.”

I laughed. “Baby Katie’s such a sweet kid, she could take out one of my eyes and I’d still pick her up.”

Today I’ll accept the good with the bad.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Not Beyond Repair

It was a day for celebrations. Trevor’s phone rang, or rather, it started playing a song from Frozen.

“Let it Go is your ringtone?” I asked. Roger and I laughed. The Youngstown Kid shook his head.

“Shut up,” Trevor said. “I lost a bet.”  He answered his phone, listened for a moment and said, “Fantastic!”

“What?” I asked.

“My ex and I put a bid on a house in Wexford.  We got it. We’re moving in when our houses sell.”

Every day at the rehab I saw people heartbroken because a loved one had severed all ties, their relationships damaged beyond repair. I had always thought Trevor’s marriage was one of those. 

I had destroyed more than one relationship when I was still drinking.  I was grateful for those I hadn’t destroyed and those I’d established after I got sober.

“Couldn’t be happier for you,” I said to Trevor.

Today I’ll be grateful for relationships not damaged beyond repair.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Doubles and Halves

Billie and Kim sat down. I sensed something was up. Neither said a word other than ‘hi.’ They looked at each other. Billie tilted her head and made a gesture with her eyes. I didn’t see whatever it was she wanted me to see.

Finally, Billie said, “God, you men are so stupid! Look at Kim’s ring finger.”

We did. Kim had gotten engaged. Hugs and congratulations all around.

“We’re getting married right after Billie and Bo at the courthouse,” Kim gushed. I’d never seen Kim or Billie happier. I remembered the old saying, ‘joy shared is doubled.’ 

Knowing Josh and Cara wouldn’t be there damped everyone’s spirits a little, but the feeling quickly passed as we talked the weddings. Sorrow shared is halved.

Today I will remember joy shared is doubled, sorrow shared is halved.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

That Which Doesn’t Kill Me

The Youngstown Kid, who’d been sitting quietly for the first time since I’d met him, sprang to life.

“Seriously?” He asked Roger. “You want to try again? I’ve got some great ideas for the campaign.” 

Losing the election had only strengthened Roger’s desire to turn the school around. Seeing Roger’s determination strengthened The Youngstown Kid’s.

‘That which doesn’t kill me, may make other people stronger as well,’ I thought.

Today I’ll remember what doesn’t kill me may make others stronger.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Double Down

Roger lost the election, but not by much.  He seemed a little down about it. Trevor told Roger to buck up, even some of his old cop friends voted for him. 

“They’re amazed at how you turned your life around,” Trevor said.  “They think you could do the same for the school district.”

“Think you’ll run again?” I asked.

Roger held out his arms as if her looking at them for the first time.  His tattoos, many of them acquired in prison, included no butterflies or unicorns. He touched the thick scar above his right eyebrow.

 “I’ve been through it,” Roger said.  He smiled, “Once you’ve come back from something, it takes something twice as bad to slow you down.  Boys, I’m gonna run again.”

Today I know I can survive twice the setbacks I’ve survived already.

  

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Limits

Two months later I got a text from Billie. ‘Want to be a witness?’

I texted back, ‘Depends, are you planning to kill someone?’

Billie and Bo wanted a simple wedding with a few friends. Billie’s mother and sister kept adding to the guest list, and arguing with Billie about the ceremony.

‘We’re going to the courthouse. I’d like you and Dr. Deb to come. Afterwards we’ve reserved the back room at that barbeque place on Route 19.’

‘Your mom won’t take this well,’ I texted, ‘but good for you, it’s your wedding.’

‘I didn’t want a big church wedding the first time,’ Billie texted. ‘I’ll be damned if I’ll let them guilt me into doing it again.’

There was a long pause as Billie added to her text.  ‘I always blamed my bitterness on my ex. I’m finally ready to admit part of it came from resenting trying to keep my mother and sister happy. Time to set some limits.’

Today I will set limits.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Smart People

That night Blondie sent Dr. Deb and me an essay to edit.  In the essay, Blondie explained the relationship of real to imaginary numbers in complex variables with respect to x and y, including something about them being analytical.  I read the essay out loud, twice.  

“Who doesn’t know that?” I said to the dog.  She wagged her tail in agreement.  It occurred to me that I understood the math just about as well as the dog did.

Knowing I would never know what any of it meant, I took stock of what I did know. I knew not to pick up the first drink – bad things almost always happened when I did. I knew I was incredibly lucky for the friends and family I had in my life. I knew I had little control over many things, but more control over how I reacted.  The list went on.

Today I’ll take stock of what I do know.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Stepping in Should

The day wore on.  Cara was in jail, and likely to stay there. I was furious with her, sad for her victims, and mad at myself.

Even though I knew better, and had helped many people not do so, I started shoulding on myself. I should have done more to help Cara stay sober.  I should be more concerned for Cara. I should do more to fight drunk driving.

I took a step back and started replacing the shoulds with more helpful thoughts. Nobody can make anybody stay sober. I had done what I could to help Cara.

Cara had been around long enough to know her drinking was likely to end in disaster. She had hurt innocent people. I had every reason to be angry.

Instead of shoulding on myself for what I could have done about drunk driving, I thought about what I could do, starting with focusing on it in my blog.

Today I won’t should on myself.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Precious and Fragile

Trevor called me at work.  Luckily for me the bathroom was across the hall.  I threw up.

Cara’s Mercedes had crossed the center line and hit the little Kia head on.  The mom had unbuckled her seat belt to pick up a toy the toddler had dropped. 

The dad had suffered a concussion, several broken ribs, and a broken jaw.  He’d ruptured his spleen, punctured a lung, and would likely lose part of his liver.

The little girl’s collarbone, leg, and kneecap were broken.  She would limp through life without her mother.

I wondered what they had been doing just before impact.  Listening to a version of “Baby Shark”?  Singing along? Laughing? Had the little girl been crying, and had her mother had tried to soothe her with the toy?

As the holidays approached, there’d be more drunk drivers, more distracted drivers, more impaired drivers on the road.  From experience, I knew a few drinks made it easy to forget how precious and fragile life is. I’d never felt more grateful for being sober.  

Today I’ll remember life is precious and fragile.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Rule of Threes

“There’s a lot of sadness in the world,” I said to Brat Boy. “It pays to follow the rule of threes. Whenever I encounter one reason to be grateful, I try to add two more. It evens things up.”

“For example?” Brat Boy asked.

“Yesterday the gym wasn’t crowded.  I was grateful.  As I worked out, I added two more reasons to be.”

“Less people to see you in your child-of-the-60s, born to be wild, bandana?” Brat Boy suggested.

“No, Mr. White Socks With Sandals, and I don’t care if you call them ‘slides.’ I was grateful the guy who drowns himself in cologne wasn’t there.   No nose hairs falling out as I choked on his dollar store scent.

“I put on my ear buds and turned down the volume.  Princess Yak Yak and the Duchess of Drama were leaving. I wouldn’t have to turn the volume full blast to drown them out."

“Hey Dad, your gratitude seems a little bitter,” Brat Boy said, laughing.

“Gratitude doesn’t have to be puppies and unicorns,” I said.  

Today I will follow the rule of threes.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Family

The next day we celebrated Brat Boy’s birthday.  Brat Boy arrived with a bag of laundry nearly as tall as his girlfriend CharChar.  CharChar brought her smile, which lit up Brat Boy’s face.  He held her like he hadn’t seen her in months.

 TyGuy, Blondie’s boyfriend, came even though he had to be up early the next day for work. Blondie couldn’t have been happier.  She punched  him.  He flinched. “You’re such a baby,” Blondie said. “Are you sure you played football?” 

When my sister BB rang the bell everyone,  including the dog,  ran to the door to greet her.  “BB!” the kids said in unison, happy to see her as they exchanged hugs all around.

I hugged Dr. Deb. “How’d I get so lucky?” I asked her.

“You married well,” Dr. Deb said, hugging me back.

So many people don’t have family, I felt truly lucky to have mine.

Today I will be grateful for family.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

DQ5MBTMH

Two days later I went to Roger’s house to help him pack.  His mother was there, along with Trevor, The Youngstown Kid, Billie and her boyfriend Bo, and Sam.  Kim was still out of town.

I came across a framed document from the Oklahoma Department of Corrections. “What’s this?” I asked Roger, wondering why anyone would frame a DOC document.

“Court order to live in a DOC halfway house for a year,” Roger said.  “They drug tested three times a week. Strict schedule. We ‘volunteered’ to help at soup kitchen."

“Sounds miserable.”

“It was, but after a year, I’d started to like being clean.  I’d never been sober that long, especially not in jail.  It made me live that slogan, ‘don’t quit five minutes before the miracle happens.’”

“I always liked that slogan,” I said, thinking how Billie had found love after two decades of bitterness.  Sam had lost the weight he’d carried for years. Getting pregnant may have been an accident, but Sue had stayed clean. Katie was her healthy miracle baby.

Today I won’t quit five minutes before the miracle happens.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Moving Sale

Roger texted me. He and his wife had decided to sell their house before the divorce.  The election was eating up all his time, and he wondered if I could help him pack some of his stuff.

‘You OK?’ I texted. Roger loved that house.

Roger texted, ‘It sucks, but if you want to move on, you got to move out.’

I knew Roger was texting about the house, but maybe a little more. If you want to move on, you have to move out of your own way.  You get rid of the things that slow you down as you move toward a better place.

I’d had to move out of the drinking life.  Alcohol got in the way of school, my relationships, and my job.  Trevor had to move out of his little shed and into the retail world to get the resources he needed to move on.   Sue had moved out of the bars and backseats of cars to become a good mother.

Cara lived in her fantasy of being the victim of the legal system. She refused to leave her pride behind and listen to people trying to help her.  I didn’t have high hopes for her getting back to solid recovery.

Today I will move out to move on.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/

Too Much of Anything

The next day Kim asked if I could look after her dogs.  She had been called out of town on business.

Kim’s tiny apartment consisted of three rooms on the first floor of an old house in Shadyside.  I had expected three dogs, but found five instead.  And a cat. And a bowl of cat food set outside for the stray that she hadn’t been able to coax inside yet. 

The dogs barked happy little barks, their tails wagging furiously.  I heard the cat purr as she wound around my leg. “Who wants to go outside?” I asked the pack. More happy barks, louder purring.  I walked through Kim’s kitchen and opened her back door. 

“Her heart’s in the right place,” I said to a pitbull mix named Alice when they came back inside, “but this place is just too small. She’s a dog and a cat away from being an animal hoarder.” 

Today I’ll remember too much of anything is never good.

Dogged Determination ©2018 & 2019 by Ken Montrose

Dogged Determination is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and anyone you might know is purely coincidental.

Other works by Ken Montrose are available at: www.greenbriartraining.com https://www.pinterest.com/kenmontrose/mt-rose/